Reply To: Deep-seated fear of abandonment
Glad to hear that you still use PSTEC and get some if only temporary relief. It is quite common for PSTEC users to suddenly remember or realise something from their past either forgotten about or now making sense where it did not before.
It seems to me that your real base problem is a lack of love when you were young, when you needed it most, no father and being “unplanned”. Your fear of abandonment is a reflection of that “lack” clinging desperately to what little love you had and afraid you might lose that. You were happy with your partner for a while and now that he is gone you are desperately still clinging on to the love that you had and that's why it is so hard for you now to get over it. Apologies if I am in any way wrong here.
Before you can “counter” the fear of abandonment” with PSTEC Negative you would need to CT the fear first. It is after all an unwanted emotion.
Always fearing and noticing “lack of” is the surest way of maintaining that position. Whilst you find yourself in this apparent “no choice” place, one way forward is to have blind faith that things will get better and focus on that, with nothing to support that belief, except to CT every feeling stopping it. Then create positives working towards what it really is in life that you want/need. This might be put as creating your own reality not allowing your current reality to shape you.
Another thing I feel I must say at this point is that you cannot expect someone else to love you if you do not love yourself. Your father running off and you being not wanted (at the time) just add up to you feeling that you were somehow not worth loving or unlovable, this at an age when you were not old enough to understand, it became “normal” to you. This lack of self worth is still carried within you today, causing you misery and loneliness that is “normal” to you.
Your “normal” feelings are habits created many years ago, they are still habits today. The whole point of CTs is that they remove those early feelings and break those old habits of feeling so that they do not affect your present today.
Again apologies for any errors here. My trying to remain professional and neutral might come across in text as hard and uncaring. I do not believe this is so. My Mother “ran off” when I was four”, being the third child I think I was the “final straw that broke the camels back”.