Reply To: Deep-seated fear of abandonment


    Thanks Peter.

    Tim says in the user guide to PS Neg that we should get to the core beliefs and not work on the leaves (of the tree).  So I tried to get to the core (one of them anyway) by going w/ my belief that I'll always be abandoned.  In some r'ships/situations I do actually feel that way (i.e. w/ my bf, I worried he would leave…(abandon me) and he did).  In other cases I don't consciously think I'm going to be abandoned, but I cause strife w/ people or simply disappear…and then confirm I've been abandoned again (even though I'm the one that did it!!)  (I tend to do it first as a protective mechanism; if I leave them, or push them away, they cannot leave me, which is more painful).

    At any rate, I appreciate your ideas because I've got PLENTY of beliefs I can work on, even if they are not the bottom-line beliefs.

    As for the positive statements, yes I get it that we should be able to imagine it being true, hence I used the word “can”  in my statement of “Love can be mine forever”.  Because right now I don't have anyone in my life who IS gonna be mine forever (and I might have trouble believing that right yet).  So is this ok?

    Counter statements (to the negative statement) that point out the statement is unwanted, unhelpful, and hurtful — ok, I think I can come up with those.  They won't necessarily be (or feel) true in my life right now…(due to the negative belief) but those are what I should use eh?  I thought the counter statements had to be contrary statements that are actually felt/true in our life now.  (That's why it's hard to come up w/ any–the neg belief is winning out).

    Thanks again.  This has indeed given me more to work with.