Reply To: Deep-seated fear of abandonment
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Tim says in the user guide to PS Neg that we should get to the core beliefs and not work on the leaves (of the tree). So I tried to get to the core (one of them anyway) by going w/ my belief that I'll always be abandoned. In some r'ships/situations I do actually feel that way (i.e. w/ my bf, I worried he would leave…(abandon me) and he did). In other cases I don't consciously think I'm going to be abandoned, but I cause strife w/ people or simply disappear…and then confirm I've been abandoned again (even though I'm the one that did it!!) (I tend to do it first as a protective mechanism; if I leave them, or push them away, they cannot leave me, which is more painful).
At any rate, I appreciate your ideas because I've got PLENTY of beliefs I can work on, even if they are not the bottom-line beliefs.
As for the positive statements, yes I get it that we should be able to imagine it being true, hence I used the word “can” in my statement of “Love can be mine forever”. Because right now I don't have anyone in my life who IS gonna be mine forever (and I might have trouble believing that right yet). So is this ok?
Counter statements (to the negative statement) that point out the statement is unwanted, unhelpful, and hurtful — ok, I think I can come up with those. They won't necessarily be (or feel) true in my life right now…(due to the negative belief) but those are what I should use eh? I thought the counter statements had to be contrary statements that are actually felt/true in our life now. (That's why it's hard to come up w/ any–the neg belief is winning out).
Thanks again. This has indeed given me more to work with.