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#24253
AvatarSidney
PSTEC User

Dear Peter,
there is no need for forgiving. i just wanted a few tipps for tapping. Thanks for answering me. I am glad that there are answers at all.

You are right with what you wrote about abuse during childhood. Those people added scapegoating and severe physical abuse. I went no contact a few years ago. Of course there were some relationships with NPD / BPD people later on. I was trained like a dog to be the perfect supply / container for people with PD. But I am also like a cat, I always fall on my feet sooner or later and I had more than one chance for another start in life. Until my PTSD kicked in really bad and I chose to go into social isolation to stabilize myself and to build a new me. I work from home at the moment, so that's possible. Right now it's about time to connect with nice people again and that's just what I do. :)

I already tapped whatever I remembered from my early years and will continue to do so. I know that there is some important stuff going on. I assume you are familiar with the concept of ego states? I don't have multiple personalities, just ego states and one of my states is about 2 or 3 years old and that's were a lot of the stuff I'm dealing with comes from. So you are right about the importance of the first few years.

And you are right about the need to build a new me. I already started building one. Thanks for reminding me about using PSTEC positive on that.

My strategy for building a new me: I call it the “workbook-strategy” and “re-inventing myself”.
– Take a folder, lots of paper, a pen and post-its. It starts with defining the most important areas of my life.
– define goals for each area of your life. Try to keep the balance, all areas have to be covered, not just work or just PTSD.
– define first steps on my way to reach those goals and write an action plan using the S.M.A.R.T. strategy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SMART_criteria
– I always use paper and pen, because that's “more” than just writing it down on my computer

additonal:
I read everything I need to know about boundaries, limits, personal growth, development, etc. pp
–> I read a lot of articles in English, because of the bigger variety.
I love the Elephant journal and the websites like “pick the brain”, psychology today, open mind, mindbodygreen, lifehack, “barking up the wrong tree” and a lot more. I scan those websites weekly and take whatever seems useful for me.

I print articles that are important for me and use the information within as a tool for growing and learning. There are often checklists with advice to achieve something in those articles for specific purposes, e.g. setting goals or setting boundaries, so I print that, give it a try / try those strategies to ease my life. If it works, then I'll keep it. Otherwise I'll try something different.

Best advice of the week
How to cope with people with NPD – just don't. Whenever there is a possiblity to just go away, then do that. I really liked that advice. :)
http://time.com/4192385/narcissism-deal/
That's the kind of article I like. No complaining, just taking action and trying different things until you find something that works for you.

I refer to my workbook on a daily basis, because that's my groundwork. I developed this method a few years ago, because I needed something that would help me grow and go on with my life. And it really helps.
Usually I would not mention that, because people don't understand why I invest that much time and energy. But I have a feeling that you understand the need to build a better me. :)

For me it was a huge thing to allow myself to define boundaries. And allowing myself to build a structure for achieving goals was a really big thing, too. I grew up as a container, I was no human being as a child, just supply, and every sign of having a mind of my own was punished really hard. Doing my thing, thinking about what I need and want and how to achieve that, was and is important to me.
New lives don't just grow on trees, investing in me is a good thing. :)

It that what you meant with “build a new you”? Are there other people here in the community building a new life?

have a great day
Sidney