Reply To: PSTEC for Self-Love

Paul McCabe
PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Good topic and one that will resonate with a lot of people, I'm sure.

    With regards to self-love, I think a good place to start is to ask the question “how do I KNOW I don't love myself?”

    Wait for what comes up and write down the “evidence.” I highly recommend making a list in this way, as it allows things to be more clear and gives you aspects to work on. It could be negative feelings, things that have happened (or were said) in the past or situations that are happening right now.

    A lot of the core self-esteem/self-concept beliefs we subconsciously hold seem to have been formed in very early childhood and around our parents or caregivers. There's been a fair amount of research into this.

    To shortcut this a bit, I'd recommend looking into whether you have the beliefs “I'm not loveable” or “I'm not worth loving.” There are probably other beliefs at the root of this, but try those, or see if you hold something similar.

    You may intellectually dismiss having such beliefs, or feel uncomfortable about the prospect of holding them. That's normal.

    A good way to check whether you hold any belief is to say the belief out loud. If it holds any charge/resonance, you most likely hold the belief. You can also test this by contrasting the feeling of saying something absurd like “I'm a Martian” or “I'm 8 feet tall.”

    So, if you find that you hold the belief, I'd recommend going back to the source of it. I've found that this is highly effective. A belief like “I'm not loveable” would typically be formed when parents withdrew their love from us, or if they were critical of us. You could look back at your childhood experiences and see how that holds up for you and capture the essence of what was happening at that stage of your life.

    I'd recommend Click Tracking every experience where you didn't feel loved or that you weren't worth loving. Every single one that you can find – going right back to the original source.

    Then, I'd suggest using PSTEC Negative on the beliefs “My belief is that I'm not loveable/worth loving” (try these separately).

    I'd suggest that, instead of writing 4 counterexamples of how you're loveable/worth loving now, you write 4 counterexamples of the events in childhood. That's when you would have formed such a belief.

    To make this more clear, you most probably formed a concept of yourself in childhood. Perhaps your parents were strict or you got the sense they were withdrawing from you when you did something they didn't like. Perhaps you formed the belief because your parents were not there as much as you needed them to be, or one of your parents left the household when you were young. These are just possible scenarios, of course.

    Once you've established the source, write four counterexamples. For example, if the belief was formed due to a parent not being around too much, a counterexample might be “Dad just needed to work hard and wasn't around as much as I wanted. It didn't mean I wasn't loveable.” If it was because you were criticised by your parents, a good counterexample would be “I am loveable, but my parents didn't have the skills to show me that when I was young.”

    After you find four counterexamples, I'd recommend using the PSTEC Negative track to linguistically deconstruct the belief.

    After you've done that, check for any more evidence of “I'm not loveable.” Do the events that provided the “evidence” for “I'm not loveable” still have the same emotional charge? If there's ANY emotion, Click Track it down to 0 or, to put it another way, until you can view the events and feel no emotion at all. It may take a few rounds and I'd personally recommend, if you are doing a few rounds of click tracking, to mix up the tracks.

    After doing this, the separate uses of PSTEC Positive on “I'm worth loving” and “I love and accept myself completely” are likely to give you a huge emotional boost, as you'd have eradicated the limiting belief, the emotional charge around all the events that “evidenced” the belief and have given your mind a suggestion for how you wish to feel in future.

    I hope this is clear. If not, please let me know. 

    Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner

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