Reply To: Fear of confrontation – Help needed – My Journey with PSTEC
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The belief “what makes me good enough is having other people think well of me” is a survival strategy belief. To the best of my knowledge, Tim hasn't mentioned this type of belief.
From what I have learned and experienced, the source of this is having the belief “I'm not good enough” and then coming up with a survival strategy to “feel good enough.” We would form this, if we didn't feel good enough (likely from early interactions with our parents or caregivers), but got approval from people. So, our strategy would be along the lines of “to feel/be good enough, I have to get other people to think well of me.”
As I understand it, it would be inconceivable to have a negative self-esteem belief and not have a survival strategy in place. Most beliefs, behaviours and conditionings we adopt were designed to help us survive.
So, you will see these patterns in lots of, if not most, people. Someone could subconsciously have the belief “I'm not good enough” but still be achieving things in life. They could hold the complementary belief “what makes me good enough is achieving things” or “getting plaudits.”
The survival strategy is a remnant of certain beliefs. In my opinion, it's always worthwhile to get rid of anything that might “drive” us (perhaps in an undesirable sense) to prove something about our self-worth. We are good enough, because we are.
I appreciate that the belief I cited does not conform to the 8-10 word rule of PN. I have still seen this working effectively. 4 of words are only 2 letters long.
If you wish, you could shorten the belief to something like:
“What makes me good enough is people thinking well of me” (11 words) or “What makes me good enough is getting approval” (8 words)
Eliminating these types of emotional and behavioural patterns is extremely liberating. Doing so does not blunt ambition or mean we are immune to praise, but these become more of a desire than a NEED.
Desiring something and not being driven by something are completely different experiences of life.
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
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