Fear of confrontation – Help needed – My Journey with PSTEC
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Brian TuckerHey guys – I'm programmed with a general fear of confrontation. Anytime a real or perceived confrontational event happens I am stricken with fear.
Naturally, I can recreate the emotion and the event however, I'm wondering if anyone here has any experience with the negative core belief(s) that can trigger this as I would like to uninstall them and reinstall with a stack of positives.
Thanks!
Peter BunyanHi plus1g
Any beliefs are created from an initial traumatic event or repeated minor event type. That is fear creates the beliefs not beliefs the fear. The tools to use first are the Click Tracks. The trigger is anyone looking at you or moving towards you, made worse if they are bigger than you and perhaps male. Also if they are not smiling, they are strangers or otherwise known aggressive characters, shouting or just loud. Recall any recent event, feel the fear and Click Track it.
Peter
Paul McCabeHi Plus1g,
Not trying to contradict Peter, but the formation of beliefs can be difficult to pinpoint. Many self-esteem and self-concept beliefs seem to be formed in early childhood, whereas other beliefs are formed in our day-to-day experiences. We could certainly form beliefs based on feelings and this is why anchoring and deconditioning are very effective processes.
For example, if we get a bad feeling/vibe around someone, we might logically form a belief such as “he/she can't be trusted” or “he/she is dangerous.”
To give you a more concrete example of this: if you were told at an early age that “Strangers are dangerous” and this was consistently reinforced to the point that you formed the belief, what emotion do you think you'd feel? Fear, right? It's a fear of perceived danger. This would typically manifest in behaviour that avoids interacting with strangers.
Ultimately, it's all about behavioural and emotional change. Whether the beliefs create the emotions, or the emotions create the belief, they exist in a continuum and will be responsible for our behaviour – either proactive or avoidant.
As the outdated (and distinctly unpleasant for animal lovers) expression goes “there's more than one way to skin a cat.” To that end, you could certainly work on CT the emotions by going back to all the memories and anticipation of confrontations.
The key thing here is that you weren't born with a fear of confrontation. You've been conditioned to feel fear when you see a confrontation or have to face it. The good thing is that, excuse the play on words, you're confronting the issue.
But you could similarly start on the beliefs. Eliminating one belief can topple a range of emotions. To really figure out whether you hold a belief, SAY it out loud. See if it feels true.
And to identify a belief? A technique I use is to look at the behaviour objectively. Step back (as though the behaviour isn't yours but that of a character in a movie or book) from it and ask:
What *might* someone who fears confrontation logically believe?
It's an avoidant behaviour, of course, so you could see if the following beliefs resonate with you:
– “It's dangerous to confront people.”
– “Anger is scary.”
– “I'm powerless.”
– “What makes me good enough is having other people think well of me.”
– “If I speak my mind, I'll be rejected.”
– “Confrontation causes pain.”
– “Nice people don't confront others.”
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…
Peter BunyanHi Paul
Mostly I think we agree with each other
However I will disagree on one point “you weren't born with a fear of confrontation” I believe we all most certainly were, but this might swing on how you “see” confrontation. If you put your face right in front of a babies and shout or bare your teeth and growl it will most certainly be afraid and scream for it's mother. The most basic of fears with a behavioral response is built in to us and I think all animals. As humans with a long “growing up” phase we can learn to modify our behaviors appropriate to the situation. I challenge you to face up to a wild animal lion, tiger, bull or some such and if it charges at you, you might run or stand and defend yourself depending on what weapon you may or may not have and learnt to use. However you will still be afraid, a fear you did not learn which “kicks in” that fight or flight response. This same fear underlies all less dangerous confrontations with other people specially while growing up which form our feelings of self worth/esteem.
I'll agree that my view of confrontation might be a bit too broad for some people.Peter
Paul McCabeExcellent points, Peter.
I meant it more from an “everyday confrontation” point of view – confronting employees, employers, someone who has affronted you etc.
I have read that even many young babies are afraid of anger and shouting. Certain behaviours are hardwired into us and, where there is a genuine threat to our survival, the “fight or flight” response will kick in.
I actually believe there are no absolutes – there always tends to be some exceptions. There are people who seem to relish, rather than fear, everyday confrontation. I read it as though plus1g was referring to those sorts of scenarios.
It's when we fear and therefore avoid any sort of confrontation (where there is no threat to survival) that it can cause issues. I also believe that, once the emotions are neutralised and the beliefs are eliminated, what used to be seen as a “scary confrontation” is actually held more as an “exchange of views.”
There's nothing inherently scary about a boss or employee shouting at us. The fear, I'd contend, is from the meaning we give it (a threat to survival).
I honestly think that, using PSTEC and some other tools out there, it's possible not to feel any fear (or any emotion that's hardwired into us) in certain situations. However, I personally wouldn't see the value in that, as feeling no fear at all when there's a genuine threat to your survival might not lead to the best outcome. Moreover, if you didn't wish to experience any sort of grief when a loved one dies, you're removing a process that helps define our humanity. That's just my opinion, however.
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…
Brian TuckerTo share a little progress with you. I had a little success with respect to this fear of confrontation by clicking away a few past and future scenarios using accelerators and EEF tracks to clear emotions but it sill remained to some extent in other areas of my life.
I had been looking at the 2015 tracks and decided to try the wrapper track. Here s what I did:
Day 1: I made a list of about 15 scenarios across my past that immediately jumped out at me when I was hit by fear. I then ran the wrapper track and a few more popped in my head as I listened. Added those to my list. Then ran the wrapper track again using my new list. Then I ran the 30 minute long click track. A few more thoughts came out while I was tapping and I added them into my session on the fly and then added them to my list as I finished. This made a massive difference and I would say it brought it down to about a 3 out of 10. (I rate it high may be lower for others) I then listened to the long relaxing accelerator. Next day I would say it was about a 2.
Day 2: A few more popped into my head over the night. I added those to my list. I listened to the wrapper again and a few more came out. I added those to my list and ran the wrapper again. Then I ran the second 30 minute long click track. Once I was done I then played the long relaxing accelerator track and immediately followed it with the short one. As per the instructions I then listened to the long accelerator track when I went to bed and fell asleep to it.
Last night I was involved in some activities that normally would have hit me with fear. I had none. What I had this time was a light emotion of anger and resentment. I laughed in the face of it because I know now I can wrap that anger up and click it away today.
Today I would say this fear of confrontation or whatever it is tied to is gone. I do intend to run the same process just one more time to make sure it's eliminated completely. Of course I also notice it takes sometimes a week for my subconscious to shuffle and changes to really kick in so I will continue listening to the accelerator track every night before bed.
Update – Day 3: Ran the wrapper once and a few more things popped in my mind. Wrote them down to add to my list on my piece of paper. (Once such thing that came up was when I was scared by a bat when I was a kid.) Ran the wrapper a second time, a few more memories popped in. Seems like the wrapper gets me a bit loosened up. Then I ran the first 30 minute long click track. By this run I now have probably 40 things that are not scenes anymore, it is all now just one big long montage of things that I scan through around in my imagination – and stop on each one for a bit – as I try really hard to recreate the feeling of fear and click, but to be honest I can't really create any feelings of fear anymore. Once in a while I will get a super low chill kind of feeling for a second but that's about it. When I get to the part of the track that asks you to smile I'm genuinely beaming, borderline laughing. I then run the long and short long non-tapping accelerator at the end. Tonight I will listen to the long non-tapping accelerator before I go to bed and then I am going to let this all just sit for a week or so and come back with my results. I would say right now I am at a zero.
Update – Day 4: Everything seemed fine but I started doing some things and I felt like maybe it was slightly coming back. With fear it sits in in my shoulder region and seems to come on a little like the chills then was a full on overtaking of my entire nervous system that paralyzed me. So I felt like that chills part was still slightly there today so I thought I would run it again. Ran the wrapper once and again a few more things popped in my mind to add in. Ran the wrapper a second time, and by this time everything seems like it's just one big scene all tied together there is not even any separation between them anymore. My subconscious has clearly grouped these all together now. Then I ran the second 30 minute long click track. I would say about 15 minutes in those feelings pretty much go away again. Difference being on the last few runs I would have to push hard to recreate the emotion. It is so dim now I can't even hardly recreate it and I am pretty relaxed as I am doing it now whereas when I started with the first session a few days ago I was straining and stressed to create it. I finished with the long relaxing non-tapping accelerator again.
Now that the fear is pretty much gone I am looking at these events in a completely different way. They all now seem silly and insignificant and a lot of them I just laugh at. I have decided if I get a slight bit back on the fear, I will only run the medium track and/or the short track against it until it is gone for the session rather than running the entire 30 minute it on it again because it is not needed.
Update – Day 4 a few hours later: I some feelings of anger are surfacing against a few of the events now that the fear has subsided and so I plan to click this anger away next. I suspect the fear was so strong it was masking the anger and/or they could be intertwined. I will provide more info as I go on the anger.
I get in the shower where my intuition always speaks loud and clear to me. I feel a smidge of fear come back and my intuition tells me the fear of confrontation is gone but this remaining fear is of abandonment. So I will continue clicking on fear again but I will swap out all of my scenes for those with past relationships etc. and run a series of sessions and report back on this as well.
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All I can say is the 2015 with the wrapper for me is the ticket. I find the tracks easy to follow and I find them really powerful. My mind drifted a lot with the one off tracks (basic, EEF etc) and this one allows me to keep my mind busy the whole time and take out everything I put in the wrapper “bag” associated with that emotion.
My brother, sister and mother all have this same program. My mother is interested in this as we share a lot of talk about this type of stuff since we know this programming can be passed on by generations and she is interested to try clearing this herself. We are going to do that and I will update this thread.
Obviously this fear within me was quite strong and once removed other emotions now surface that it has covered up and/or been linked to.
I am working my way through each of the major emotions and or the causes one by one. Here is my list others may want to consider in no particular order but we know fear is usually the most common one followed by anger so why not start there?
Anger
Complacency
Contempt
Criticism
Defensiveness
Fear
Guilt
Overwhelmed
Resentment
Self Pity
Self Righteousness
Worry
Anxiety
FrustrationBrian TuckerJust added a day 4 update in previous post. Any comments or feedback would be great!
Peter BunyanHi plus1
Since you are making progress then just more of the same, keep on Clicking! I expect you will realize more and more things about yourself that had never occurred to you before, which may or may not need clicking, strengths as well as weaknesses.
Peter
Brian TuckerUpdate – Day 5: Rather than move to fear of abandonment, today my intuition told me to switch to sadness.
I wrote a list of every breakup I have had in my life – which were all very painful – and a few more abandonment events that were associated with the same type of emotion in a pattern.
Ran the wrapper once and again a few more things popped in my mind to add in.
Ran the wrapper a second time, and by this time everything seems like it's just very quickly one big scene all tied together so my subconscious must really be starting to loosen up.
Ran the second 30 minute long click track. I finished with the long relaxing non-tapping accelerator again. I would say that emotion/experience is down to a 3 now, it;s pretty hard to recreate – again I rank mine higher – but I want it “gone, gone, gone like it was never even ever there.”
I have some things going on in my life and in just the last few days the outlook I have had on them is at now at a completely different perspective with the fear of confrontation and now the sadness/pain being stripped off of these experiences. The seriousness train of thought I had has dissipated drastically and in many instances I am laughing at things that were previously causing me strife and pain.
I am going to keep going through all of the different emotions on these events as they come to me intuitively. Will keep you updated as to how this continues to lower my overall fear. Will move to the abandonment fear next but thought I would shift to sadness first to see what happens by clearing it completely.
Brian TuckerUpdate – Day 6: I woke up feeling great full of energy today, first time I have really felt great in a long time when waking up – as long as I can remember since I was a kid.
So again today, I ran the wrapper and 30 min 2015 track on “sadness” again and it got pretty low. I hate to put a description on this emotion because words cant really describe it. It;s that feeling when you go through a breakup and you are in pain.
Next I decided to run the wrapper one more time and I added in all of the scenes where those same girlfriends left me for someone else. After I finished this it was down to nothing. It was like the scenes were all one big scene again but very distant and the emotions were that of what would fit on a pinhead. It was to the point where i could not even recreate it if I tried and I was laying on my bed even now forcing myself to try to relax and recreate it – this in addition to trying hard because trying hard was not giving me any feeling anymore (just like Tim says in the suggestions)
I also had another experience today which is closely related to this same emotion so I came home and immediately ran it on that scene and a few similar scenes as well.
All of the subconscious changes are starting to unwind and shuffle nicely and I am feeling even better than I did before. I am making it a habit now to keep a spreadsheet of everything that comes to mind and tracking it all – then looking for other similar patterns. It seems as if that pattern is all tied to the same emotion and or the emotion can be spotted across pattern and I try to throw in any significant events I can remember as a kid in the wrapper and as I tap. What I feel is that that pattern could very well be tied to the same belief(s).
I now have this pulsing nervousness that comes and goes in my stomach. I used to think it was my intuition telling me something was about to happen – but now I am thinking it is just another low level type of fear in a different part of my body. I am going to try clicking on it…Wondering if anyone else has had this before? It's like butterflies pulsing in your stomach.
As the big layers come off I start to see so many other emotions so much more clearly now so it will be easy for me to click them away. I also look at everything so much different once the fear has been removed from it – I can look at it completely objective as if I am no longer a part of it because I have unhooked the emotion and ultimately myself.
More to come…
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