Reply To: Fear of confrontation – Help needed – My Journey with PSTEC
Brian TuckerToday marks a major milestone for my journey. Earlier in the weekend I posted about a feeling of being “not good enough” when I visit my tailor. I clicktracked that and seems there was larger something tied to that. By pulling on that thread I unlocked hundreds and hundreds of experiences across my entire life of feeling “not good enough.” Just goes to show how the insignificant things are much more important than we think.
I realized that my entire life experience has been about attracting not good enough. Right in front of my face as big as it gets. That has been my entire life movie.
Essentially, I was programmed by my parents and grandparents to the core for my ego to tell me to think and feel not good enough and attract not good enough. Friends, social, job, colleagues, sports, school, relationships both social and intimate, even college roommates. All for my ego to make me feel not good enough about myself.
I have been bucking this all my entire life and I’m rather surprised I even made it this far along – grateful I did.
It was all a perfect match for my programming. I‘m just blown away how prevalent this was in my life right in front of my eyes. To match the theme my subconscious has sniffed out anything not good enough like a bloodhound and I go and stick right to it because that is familiar and where I need to be in pain since I am programmed for that.
I had already removed the “reject me” and “abandon me” stamps off my forehead but hey here is the largest and most obvious one hey “I’m not good enough” so come one over and treat me as such so I can feel not good enough about myself because that’s what I am programmed to do.
I just kept clicking and clicking for hours on these experiences. I am not quite done yet but the freedom I am feeling already is something that has to be experienced. Most all of the anger in my life I now see has been a defense mechanism to “not good enough” where I attack others to try to prove I am good enough.
I also see where not good enough programs play in the past and present experiences with my spouse everywhere. So many things she says and does now all make sense, day in and out purely run by her programs and projecting on me to make me feel not good enough so she can feel good enough about herself.
I also see why she “picked” me – who felt not good enough – because she herself is programmed to not feel not good enough “I never felt good enough” “I feel like no matter what I do it’s never enough” so what a perfect match “Hey, I will feel good enough if I am with this guy.” I of course see the same program in her mom as in her and also in my daughter picking guys that are full of chaos she goes out with them because they make her feel “good enough”. She has it from my wife and me both.
Today this will be all behind me. I will no longer think, feel or be not good enough by default. Life changes in an instant and here we go. The new reality is here and it will be fanfrickintastic.
I am good enough.
WOOO HOOO! FREE FROM THE CHAINS OF THE PAST! LET FREEDOM RING!!
Not only that but I feel like I weigh a few pounds, light as a feather. I may have to start wearing a weighted vest lol.