Reply To: Deepy rooted "I’m not good enough" belief
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Great post and I am glad that you are using the PSTEC tools to resolve your feelings and dissolve the behavioural patterns you mentioned.
It is a very extensive thread, but I do think that you would get a tremendous amount of value from the “Fear of Confrontation” forum topic. There is a lot of overlap and some extremely effective methods to both look at your emotional and behavioural patterns and, moreover, resolve them.
There are so many different ways to change and it can be like an artform.
From reading your initial post, I can relate to the patterns you have presented. You have been very clear and demonstrated that you have really considered the cause and effects of your earlier childhood experiences.
As well as those, there is also “real life” going on.
Let's say that, due to your earlier experiences, you formed a belief such as “I'm not good enough” or “I'm not worthy” (or whichever wording resonates best with the essence of the belief), you would then have come up with a survival strategy to help you navigate life.
Although we do not consciously plan this out, it would be akin to:
“I may not be good enough, but what makes me good enough is…”
For some people, that phrase might conclude with “having people think well of me,” “getting great grades,” “earning lots of money,” “being called attractive,” “being famous.”
The list could go on and on. In fact, I would suggest that many people hold a whole host of these survival strategy beliefs.
It is possible, then, that you held the CORE belief in early childhood but found tremendously effective strategies to repress it. You got good grades, people were drawn to you and you were successful on your terms.
We find out a lot about ourselves when those strategies are no longer available, or when we do not achieve what we desired to meet our criteria.
In essence, I think you would be looking to the source of the core belief and also (using CTs) eliminate the undesired feelings you experience when certain criteria are not met. For instance, imagine confronting people or being criticised and CT down to 0. That is just one sentence, but working out the issues and running the tracks may require some time.
Another point I would like to make is that, when you are using the PSTEC tools, map it all out by being as specific as possible. Sometimes how we “language” things can create barriers and heighten emotions.
Something as innocent as “deeply rooted belief” (even though it is often cited) is quite metaphorical. If you consider something deeply rooted, it suggests it is hard to access and eliminate.
If you have an awareness of it, it is possibly not as inaccessible as you think. I do trust you will be able to access and resolve these issues. With enough commitment and the diligent use of the correct tools, change is inevitable.
Keep it simple by describing the specific feelings you have (in your own language) and the specific behaviours you engage in. For example, how does perfectionism show up for you? How do you feel if things are imperfect? What things have you been putting off because you are worried about failing?
I do think it really pays off when you sit down and specifically note down each behaviour, belief and emotion you want to eliminate and then (using the Positive tools) recreate your life and your concept of what is possible.
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
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