Deepy rooted "I’m not good enough" belief
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- October 18, 2016 at 6:19 pm#21873jukoozPSTEC User
I had major realization today. Almost anything I want to work on with PSTEC comes from this belief. This belief is the reason I'm so into self-help stuff and why I found PSTEC. And I want to ask you to help me with getting rid of it as it would completely shift my mindset.
I had successes with PSTEC and know that it can work wonders as it already helped me with many things. But what I was working with were rather symptoms of this belief. Huge for me but not THAT huge.
Few days ago I started writing down all the issues I wanted to work on with PSTEC. Today I read it all after my realisation and almost anything I find important on that list can be tied to this belief:
– I'm perfectionist and generally preventive;
– I'm undecissive;
– I think I'm not successful enough and I'm desperate about reaching this success to sick extremes;
– I have social anxiety – it's got a lot better through the years and some people consider me being confident but I think otherwise (not confident enough ); people now don't find me shy although I was very, very shy few years ago;
– I'm a lone wolf. Not because people don't like me but because I avoid them; I almost never reach out to people. Meet with almost only those that reach out to me. I'm not in touch with friends if they don't reach out to me. My friends are generally people that were very persistent with reaching out to me;
– I don't like to be asked questions about areas that I think I'm not good enough in. I feel like being on the spot when someone asks me about those areas;
– I'm generally not comfortable with myself and were I am on my path. That's why I care so much about fixing myself, making myself less “inadequate”, trying desperately to be succesful etc;
– I have fear of confrontation – thinking about it now it seems to me like I can treat confrontation as a proof of validity of this belief;
– I have desperate need of being right in discussions. I can't stop discussing if consensus is not reached. It's as if I want to prove myself. Yes, my desperate fight to be succesful also comes from wanting to prove myself;
– this belief future paced gives me performance anxiety in many areas – among the others social anxiety as I said earlier – the most prevalent;
– I don't like to be drunk as I feel inadequte then. I'm afraid of what people might think about me (my grandpa was alcoholic and my I've seen my father drunk only once when I was young – he closed himself in the room and cried because of it); I dealt with it with PSTEC to large extent but it seems to be coming back;
Yes, I do have unrealistic, inadequate image of myself. And it hurts me badly.
Why it's being so? I'm not so sure. But I do have some ideas.
My father is very critical of everything. He is a real pessimist. It seems to me he might have similar belief. He always was extremely preventive and warned me against everything and then if something went bad was saying that he said so etc. But my childhood wasn't traumatic, quite the contrary. I was kind of succesful kid admired by most people. I was great at sports, I was great at math (always best at school in math etc), girls were finding me very attractive – like the most attractive guy at school back then. So I don't remember my fathers issues affecting me back then. I was kind of a star in my environment. But then in realtively short period of time quite a lot changed. I stopped doing any sports because of issue with my leg. I made very very stupid thing that made my parents being embarassed of me and what other people could think could be because of them, because of their mistakes in rising me etc. They naturally stopped being so proud about me, started being ashamed of this situation. My father started being very strict towards me. Ie I had to be at home early and was getting gated when late even 1 minute. I had a year that I was smoking quite a lot of marijuana. I don't think about it as escape as I didn't have anything to escape from but… When smoking I had great ideas and observations and didn't care about doing stupid stuff and laughing about stupid things like my friends did. My thoughts didn't interest them so they started calling me philosopher and saying that I'm bringing them down. So I stopped sharing my thoughts with them. Also sometimes I was afraid that parents or other people find out that was smoking – it's probably because of some adult people that knew my parents recognized it the first time I was smoking. In that time I was also bullied by new guy in school that I new was dangerous (criminal). Soon afterwards I went to secondary school (was about 15-16 years old) and I changed environment. I wasn't this special kid anymore. Didn't have my previously attained social status. Was one amongst many. I went to best secondary school in my city – one that smartest kids from all smaller towns around went to, so I wasn't smart at all amongst them. In that time I also became catholic radical what made things worse. In new school with this catholic way of life I was all of the sudden shy guy. Out of a star kid. Now I'm 30 and through many years it got a lot lot lot better but it's still the reason of most of my issues as you can see.
I said that all as I read really good advice here on forum and hope to get it from you as well
Working on sympthom after sympthom doesn't cut it as it could take years. And I'm sure there are more effective ways to do it with the miracle PSTEC is.
I have PSTEC 2015, PSTEC Positive Extra Power, PSTEC Negative and Accelerators. I had huge successes with click tracking issues, had what I consider success with PSTEC Positive (significantly healing myself from bad cold in few hours with suggestions like “My body is capable of healing very quickly” etc). I didn't have success with PSTEC Negative and quickly stopped using it. Strangely, one of the first things I tried it on was “I'm not good enough” belief. Not finding it THAT huge then. Probably chose too big rock to work on and expected to crash it in one listen
So that's it. How would you recommend to deal with it so it would be most time efficient and effective? How to work on roots not on leaves?
Thank you in advance
EDIT: I'm editing it every time I recall something that might have been causal to this.
And probably will edit out some details after some time as it's very personal.October 18, 2016 at 9:07 pm#24979Peter BunyanPSTEC User
Sounds like all your issues are really one, low self esteem/self worth. Because it is a multi faceted problem showing itself in so many ways that might appear to be seperate issues you might find PSTEC 2015 the best tool to start with. If you can recall a number of strong memories that are connected by say your Father being negative and wrap them with the wrapper track, then run a long CT, you will be connecting a lot of feelings that are at root behind the “I'm not good enough” summary. You would be looking for any memories that made you feel unimportant or small or less a person than someone else. So being criticised or bullied would do this. If you were being shown up in front of others then this would make it worse.
“I'm not good enough” may well represent the issue but it is most likely something you worked out for yourself a lot later than the events that that caused it. For this reason it is not a good target for PSTEC Negative. If you can still hear in your head your Father being critical then the chances are he said very similar things to you many times over. If you can put together a statement or a number of, that he used, that made you feel bad then this/these would be good to use with Negative.
There is much more but I will leave it there for now and see what you think about the above first.
PeterOctober 20, 2016 at 9:19 am#24980jukoozPSTEC User
I'm really grateful that you replied. Thank you. I was hoping you will as I found your posts here most helpful with my issues.
Writing this post wan therapeutic in itself and gave me a lot clarity what I should work on.
Yesterday I fall asleep when doing long PSTEC track as you said (father critique – wrapping it previously together). I have little problems with recalling it, so I will work on it with accelerators as well. I plan to go through most of the events I wrote about (and wrap them with similar related).
“I'm not good enough” may well represent the issue but it is most likely something you worked out for yourself a lot later than the events that that caused it.
You are right. And I didn't even work it out myself. I took it form Morty Lefkoe and found it very accurate.
Thank you Peter. I'll be working on it.
Besides working on those memories, should I do something else?October 20, 2016 at 11:55 am#24981Paul McCabePSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator
Great post and I am glad that you are using the PSTEC tools to resolve your feelings and dissolve the behavioural patterns you mentioned.
It is a very extensive thread, but I do think that you would get a tremendous amount of value from the “Fear of Confrontation” forum topic. There is a lot of overlap and some extremely effective methods to both look at your emotional and behavioural patterns and, moreover, resolve them.
There are so many different ways to change and it can be like an artform.
From reading your initial post, I can relate to the patterns you have presented. You have been very clear and demonstrated that you have really considered the cause and effects of your earlier childhood experiences.
As well as those, there is also “real life” going on.
Let's say that, due to your earlier experiences, you formed a belief such as “I'm not good enough” or “I'm not worthy” (or whichever wording resonates best with the essence of the belief), you would then have come up with a survival strategy to help you navigate life.
Although we do not consciously plan this out, it would be akin to:
“I may not be good enough, but what makes me good enough is…”
For some people, that phrase might conclude with “having people think well of me,” “getting great grades,” “earning lots of money,” “being called attractive,” “being famous.”
The list could go on and on. In fact, I would suggest that many people hold a whole host of these survival strategy beliefs.
It is possible, then, that you held the CORE belief in early childhood but found tremendously effective strategies to repress it. You got good grades, people were drawn to you and you were successful on your terms.
We find out a lot about ourselves when those strategies are no longer available, or when we do not achieve what we desired to meet our criteria.
In essence, I think you would be looking to the source of the core belief and also (using CTs) eliminate the undesired feelings you experience when certain criteria are not met. For instance, imagine confronting people or being criticised and CT down to 0. That is just one sentence, but working out the issues and running the tracks may require some time.
Another point I would like to make is that, when you are using the PSTEC tools, map it all out by being as specific as possible. Sometimes how we “language” things can create barriers and heighten emotions.
Something as innocent as “deeply rooted belief” (even though it is often cited) is quite metaphorical. If you consider something deeply rooted, it suggests it is hard to access and eliminate.
If you have an awareness of it, it is possibly not as inaccessible as you think. I do trust you will be able to access and resolve these issues. With enough commitment and the diligent use of the correct tools, change is inevitable.
Keep it simple by describing the specific feelings you have (in your own language) and the specific behaviours you engage in. For example, how does perfectionism show up for you? How do you feel if things are imperfect? What things have you been putting off because you are worried about failing?
I do think it really pays off when you sit down and specifically note down each behaviour, belief and emotion you want to eliminate and then (using the Positive tools) recreate your life and your concept of what is possible.
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…October 20, 2016 at 1:41 pm#24982Peter BunyanPSTEC User
What more can you do?
Low self esteem/self worth is created by situations where you have lost control over your own feelings, your own personal life, your local environment or anywhere you have lost control. So overly protective or controlling parents for example a change of school where you become the outsider for another. It is why people get angry when their computer crashes, or their car does not start. At one point you said “But then in realtively short period of time quite a lot changed.” Without knowing what the circumstances were that caused all the change I suspect you felt powerless or helpless to do anything about it, they just happened to you and you lost all the previous high self esteem you had. If you can recall that time and the feelings you had then it would seem like a good target to Click Track.
Also loss of control quite often leads to frustration boiling over to unhelpful anger. What sorts of things or situations make you angry? If you can recall any recent times you have been angry, recall those and CT them.
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