Reply To: Women, Rejection and Beauty
I don't think the last one is an illusion since we're social creatures and women still pick and select mates up and across dominance hierarchies.
Sometimes I hate women for that (because i've never been succesful in dominance hierarchies of men, that's why i became an outsider), which makes me resentful and betrayed and wanting to fuck women just to get a sense of revenge (for being rejected all these years by the women i like) this is very toxic and only attracts me towards narcissistic and manipulative women.
You have many different feelings here and a lot going on here – I would start with anger and hatred towards woman. Also that you do not feel safe around women, that you can't trust them. Then resentful, betrayed, revenge, rejection.
Also consider this. You are subconsciously seeking narcissistic and manipulative women due to someone in your family (female) and/or the first one or two women you were in a relationship with having these types of behaviors. It's not that they are maniuplating you, they are just doing what is normal to them. They can't see any of this unconscious programming of theirs. Your programming however pulls you right into it and keeps you in pain. It is a secret addiction of which you are realizing more details as you progress with becoming more conscious and aware of what is going on inside of you. (Your thoughts, feelings, behaviors)