Reply To: Values vs Patterns
Thanks for posting.
I would say that there is a synergy between values, beliefs and patterns.
I will keep it as brief as possible, as books have been written and will continue to be written on these topics. Please let me know if you wish for me to clarify anything.
Patterns would describe behaviours and thoughts we tend to exhibit.
A crude example:
“Everytime I am criticised by someone in a position of authority, I feel sad (emotion) and I start to blush (behaviour)”
We may not always engage in said pattern, of course, as we are dynamic and respond to other cues. However, there tends to be a pattern to our behaviour and emotions and this can show up in certain rituals and habits – “At the end of the month when I get paid by my job, I go to the bar and get drunk”
Our behaviour can be determined by our beliefs and values.
I would suggest that your values are not toxic, but the way you wish to live by them may be toxic.
Needing the approval of others is almost certainly a pattern, propped up by beliefs and emotional conditionings. Love, by constrast, is a value/need.
Some people merge values with human needs. Your needs are set in stone, really, whereas I believe that values are quite fluid, open to interpretation (to an extent) and can be chosen.
Someone who loves companionship/connection may go out drinking every night, and may engage in all sorts of behaviour that may not be conducive in the long-term to vibrant physical and mental health.
So, there are lots of ways to live by your values and some will be a better match for you in your current context than others.
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
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