Reply To: Forum Case Study – Avoidant Personality Disorder APD
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I am going to let loose and completely have a go on this post since I am sick and tired of this bs and I need to get this handled.
I want to give a brief description on what my experience of life has been like.
Coming from a background of being critically judged for every little thing and having to abide by a certain set of rules which was basically impossible to follow as a young child and probably the reason why I have given a straight up fuck you to all those gayass outdated rules.
Coming from a background of being made fun of people for every little thing, the way I walked being made fun of by friends, being good in school and then the subsequent year being bad at a couple of subjects and being made to stand in front of the whole class and subjected to massive shame for example “How could you have stood first in the year before you cant even pass maths in this current year and u think you are going to come first this year?” – that was an example that stands out in my mind – hope that hoe is dead now – lol – This has led to complete and massive failures in academics since then well not complete failures but as in I have to push through everything to even get a slight bit of success. Paul is helping me out with this and has helped me remove a lot of my mental and emotional blocks for it and I am thankful for this to him.
Being forcefully made to sit at home and not go out with friends to play video games at the arcade is another example or being beaten several times for going to the arcade regardless of being told not to.
Couple of rejections from girls in middle school leading to decrease in confidence and thinking I was ugly leading to more dysfunctional relations in college whereby I had to do the rejection before they rejected me that is after they expressed interest and we got together then I had to end it because I didnt want to get emotional or get to close incase they fucked me over-This led to some of the girls getting very angry and spreading false rumours and stories to I guess protect their egos and to make me undesirable and for themselves to still be very desirable – Didnt do anything to protect my character and reputation since I realised most of the guys are cucks anyways so why bother with them when they always side with the girl regardless – This is still true in that country – I can laugh about it now as to the whole retardedness of it since I CT'd it but damn that shit was painful back in the day.
Change of school leading to being bullied but somehow I realised that the way to counter bullies is to bully them back very very severely, had to get physical a couple of times to stand my ground whereby got jumped by like 8 guys together, still kept going and from that day was not bullied again ever in life- My motto still is to stomp on bullies when they come my way – which is the role I had to take in the new school and standing up for a couple of guys who were being bullied for several years before my arrival – we are still friends till this day – but being told by guys and girls “you are not popular enough to hang around us ” – LOL – this is so retarded now that I think about it – none of those people are shit right now on the planet.
I am not crying, being emotional, being bitter or any judgements that might be thrown my way here on the forum I am letting u guys know the experiences that I have had to go through. Maybe I am and you guys could point it out to me for me to fix it if it is constructive. Dunno really.
All of these experiences have made me be a total outcast for most of my life and I was ok with being it whereby hearing people talk about stuff like them feeling lonely made me think “ha amateurs ” but until Brian and Paul told me it doesnt have to be that way and things can change I am looking at this from a totally different perspective.
These are the experiences I have had till now and they have basically made me fit into the role/definitions given on avoidant personality disorder and I fit the mold perfectly.
So those are a couple of my experiences that I wrote above since Brian asked me to write out something similar to James.
James was another reason why I wanted to post since he came right out with it and hasnt held anything back so I was like “whoa I have basically nothing to lose and everything to gain by just writing my stuff out here”
Thanks for your post James.