Forum Case Study – Avoidant Personality Disorder APD

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  • #26112
    AvatarBrian Tucker
    PSTEC User

    Thank you for your kind words, Paul. Another forum user Alphadogdevil has also elected to participate in the case study.

    Looking for one more participant. Please send me a PM if you are interested. Thank you.

    #26113
    AvatarEamon Doherty
    PSTEC User

    Hi Brian/guys although I'm making good progress and continuing to use pstec everyday, I've a few issues also to do with social exchanges and feeling more relaxed around groups of people that I feel could be worked on. Staying present and listening in conversations instead of jumping to answer or simply feeling a little bored (I know ?) when they are speaking is common for me. Also sometimes thinking the worse and relating everything to myself (ego) can slip in mid sentence, busy brain making meaning to everything instead of just relaxing and listening. Then I feel like a fake or fraud after if that makes sense. ??

    #26114
    AvatarALPHADOGDEVIL
    PSTEC User

    Hello,

    I am going to let loose and completely have a go on this post since I am sick and tired of this bs and I need to get this handled.

    I want to give a brief description on what my experience of life has been like.

    Coming from a background of being critically judged for every little thing and having to abide by a certain set of rules which was basically impossible to follow as a young child and probably the reason why I have given a straight up fuck you to all those gayass outdated rules.

    Coming from a background of being made fun of people for every little thing, the way I walked being made fun of by friends, being good in school and then the subsequent year being bad at a couple of subjects and being made to stand in front of the whole class and subjected to massive shame for example “How could you have stood first in the year before you cant even pass maths in this current year and u think you are going to come first this year?” – that was an example that stands out in my mind – hope that hoe is dead now – lol – This has led to complete and massive failures in academics since then well not complete failures but as in I have to push through everything to even get a slight bit of success. Paul is helping me out with this and has helped me remove a lot of my mental and emotional blocks for it and I am thankful for this to him.

    Being forcefully made to sit at home and not go out with friends to play video games at the arcade is another example or being beaten several times for going to the arcade regardless of being told not to.

    Couple of rejections from girls in middle school leading to decrease in confidence and thinking I was ugly leading to more dysfunctional relations in college whereby I had to do the rejection before they rejected me that is after they expressed interest and we got together then I had to end it because I didnt want to get emotional or get to close incase they fucked me over-This led to some of the girls getting very angry and spreading false rumours and stories to I guess protect their egos and to make me undesirable and for themselves to still be very desirable – Didnt do anything to protect my character and reputation since I realised most of the guys are cucks anyways so why bother with them when they always side with the girl regardless – This is still true in that country – I can laugh about it now as to the whole retardedness of it since I CT'd it but damn that shit was painful back in the day.

    Change of school leading to being bullied but somehow I realised that the way to counter bullies is to bully them back very very severely, had to get physical a couple of times to stand my ground whereby got jumped by like 8 guys together, still kept going and from that day was not bullied again ever in life- My motto still is to stomp on bullies when they come my way – which is the role I had to take in the new school and standing up for a couple of guys who were being bullied for several years before my arrival – we are still friends till this day – but being told by guys and girls “you are not popular enough to hang around us ” – LOL – this is so retarded now that I think about it – none of those people are shit right now on the planet.

    I am not crying, being emotional, being bitter or any judgements that might be thrown my way here on the forum  I am letting u guys know the experiences that I have had to go through. Maybe I am and you guys could point it out to me for me to fix it if it is constructive. Dunno really. 

    All of these experiences have made me be a total outcast for most of my life and I was ok with being it whereby hearing people talk about stuff like them feeling lonely made me think “ha amateurs ” but until Brian and Paul told me it doesnt have to be that way and things can change I am looking at this from a totally different perspective.

    These are the experiences I have had till now and they have basically made me fit into the role/definitions given on avoidant personality disorder and I fit the mold perfectly.

    So those are a couple of my experiences that I wrote above since Brian asked me to write out something similar to James.

    James was another reason why I wanted to post since he came right out with it and hasnt held anything back so I was like “whoa I have basically nothing to lose and everything to gain by just writing my stuff out here”

    Thanks for your post James.

    #26115
    AvatarBrian Tucker
    PSTEC User

    Thank you Alphadogdevil –

    Ok so we have three all locked in. We will begin this week and it will be nice to see everyone's progress as they become themselves. Thank you everyone.

    #26116
    AvatarJames
    PSTEC User

    Hi Alpha,

    Thank you for sharing – I can relate to a lot of what you said and your experiences – we have some very similar ones! I am very happy that I was able to help you feel comfortable with opening up.

    You helped me remember the day we all got our exam results at the end of high school. It was a very prestigious school, what's called a “grammar” school in England – lots of very wealthy families spend a lot of money on tutors during middle school so that their kids can pass the entrance exams to get in. It's not private school: you can't pay to get in, you can only get in on merit. I am not from a wealthy family, I just happened to pass the test that my parents made me take.

    Anyway, the head of the upper school, on the day of the exam results, yelled at me across the parking lot in front of everyone, telling me how I´d let the school down, I should be ashamed, that I was a disappointment, etc. Man… I had forgotten it, and certainly not realised the impact it still has on me. Gotta CT that!

    I can also relate to your experiences with girls – I have hundreds of stories of rejection that race through my mind as I read your post. I was also bullied at school, and at home by my big brother and his friends.

    I´ve felt like an outcast my whole life, and I too have been angry at many people. And that's what I wanted to mention to you: I feel so much anger in your post. I´m not judging you in any way, in fact, I totally relate to that anger. I think you feel it too, and know that there's more to clear. Please do not see it as an attack or anything negative; quite the contrary – I hope that perhaps I can help you to accept yourself for how you are, because that's needed to heal and change and be who you want to be, and happy with it.

    I feel that perhaps I am older than you (I´m 35) and if I may, I´d love to give you the benefit of my experience: PSTEC is going to help you deal with all of this. I´ve tried so many things over the last 2 decades, at different times here and there, and each thing certainly had value… but I never used them well, and never committed to it.

    Just by posting here, you have made a big step. One that I never had the balls to make for so long. I applaud and congratulate you for it, and again, I am sincerely thankful if my post helped you make yours.

    We're in this together brother. This fucked up world and all the people related to your pain and suffering – we all need stronger young men. Stronger brothers, fathers, husbands, and leaders. Whatever your purpose and path may be, what you choose to do with your life, getting this stuff handled and healed is going to allow you to bring your value to the world.

    You're already started the process. I hope very much we can continue to help each other through it. Welcome.

    #26117
    AvatarJames
    PSTEC User

    Thank you, James, for being so courageous to own this. I know that your honesty has and will inspire many others. It is a great example. The time is right for you, I sense. You will get this handled.

    And thank you for this also, Paul. I feel that you are right about the timing for me… I feel it's like Neo being unplugged in The Matrix: I can't go back, it's not possible now. At least I hope so.

    I´m very happy to be a part of the group, and again so grateful for all of your responses and support.

    Thank you Alphadogdevil –

    Ok so we have three all locked in. We will begin this week and it will be nice to see everyone's progress as they become themselves. Thank you everyone.

    Awesome. Exciting stuff!

    #26118
    AvatarALPHADOGDEVIL
    PSTEC User

    Thanks James.

    Will work on the anger some more.

    #26119
    AvatarJames
    PSTEC User

    Hey guys,

    Finally finished the exercise today. I'm just waiting for Brian to confirm how / where he wants feedback, but, man, what a week it's been!

    How's everyone else doing?

    #26120
    AvatarALPHADOGDEVIL
    PSTEC User

    still on it

    #26121
    AvatarEamon Doherty
    PSTEC User

    Great going guys and very well done James I've just returned from a 10 day holiday was using pstec while away although not this I'll get stuck in now I'm home

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