Reply To: Forum Case Study – Avoidant Personality Disorder APD
JamesHi Alpha,
Thank you for sharing – I can relate to a lot of what you said and your experiences – we have some very similar ones! I am very happy that I was able to help you feel comfortable with opening up.
You helped me remember the day we all got our exam results at the end of high school. It was a very prestigious school, what's called a “grammar” school in England – lots of very wealthy families spend a lot of money on tutors during middle school so that their kids can pass the entrance exams to get in. It's not private school: you can't pay to get in, you can only get in on merit. I am not from a wealthy family, I just happened to pass the test that my parents made me take.
Anyway, the head of the upper school, on the day of the exam results, yelled at me across the parking lot in front of everyone, telling me how I´d let the school down, I should be ashamed, that I was a disappointment, etc. Man… I had forgotten it, and certainly not realised the impact it still has on me. Gotta CT that!
I can also relate to your experiences with girls – I have hundreds of stories of rejection that race through my mind as I read your post. I was also bullied at school, and at home by my big brother and his friends.
I´ve felt like an outcast my whole life, and I too have been angry at many people. And that's what I wanted to mention to you: I feel so much anger in your post. I´m not judging you in any way, in fact, I totally relate to that anger. I think you feel it too, and know that there's more to clear. Please do not see it as an attack or anything negative; quite the contrary – I hope that perhaps I can help you to accept yourself for how you are, because that's needed to heal and change and be who you want to be, and happy with it.
I feel that perhaps I am older than you (I´m 35) and if I may, I´d love to give you the benefit of my experience: PSTEC is going to help you deal with all of this. I´ve tried so many things over the last 2 decades, at different times here and there, and each thing certainly had value… but I never used them well, and never committed to it.
Just by posting here, you have made a big step. One that I never had the balls to make for so long. I applaud and congratulate you for it, and again, I am sincerely thankful if my post helped you make yours.
We're in this together brother. This fucked up world and all the people related to your pain and suffering – we all need stronger young men. Stronger brothers, fathers, husbands, and leaders. Whatever your purpose and path may be, what you choose to do with your life, getting this stuff handled and healed is going to allow you to bring your value to the world.
You're already started the process. I hope very much we can continue to help each other through it. Welcome.