Reply To: Dealing with Oppositions
first of all thank you for your replies brian and paul.
paul, i just thought what you wrote and realized that is easy to me to spot shallow beliefs such as “i had to be funny” but it is a challenge to find a deep belief related to the search of approval without being descriptive about it.
i would like to find my words to my own search of approval but it is hard to find.
recently i discovered a deep belief about making people mad and it was a huge change for me
“i had made people mad”
“i should avoid making people feel mad”
this was surreal because after doing it i had a talk with my father and he told me that he used to beat me and my brother when we were young and i didn't know about that. it was repressed in my unconscious.
Thanks for your post.
You have taken an interesting approach there, and I am glad that is working for you.
The “should” and “had to be…” frames seem to produce interesting shifts. They tend to be an offshoot of the type of beliefs Brian referenced. In other words, you perhaps believe you “should” because you are not, or because people would not accept you if you were not “on”, funny, confident, dazzling etc.
You also have to give meaning to the particular trait you believe you lack.
For instance, if you believe “I'm not funny” and feel a negative charge around that, then you value “being funny.” These sort of concepts can come from the culture, literature, family or the media.
It is possibly also linked to a broader pattern of needing to get the approval of others, or just a general perfectionism and needing to be “all things to all people.”
What would happen if you thought people found you boring, unconfident, unfunny etc.? You can really tap into this.
You can CT any emotional attachment to approval. You can also or alternatively go the belief route.
PSTEC is a treasure trove, offering so many ways to take out these patterns and revise self-concepts.
Your contributions here are always appreciated.
All the best,