Reply To: PSTEC for suicidality & bipolar


    I did “Nothing comes easy” run the 18 min BB.  I've never used the 18 min BB. 

    Never the end I thought “nothing comes easy except David.”. Then went on.  Our son is so easy to raise and everything seems to go well for him- well most everything…

    I also noticed how content and self-entertaining our daughter is today with no media…just playing with my old Barbie house at Grandma's.

    I also noticed how I feel bad for not wanting to be in a group and isolating myself/ playing with the kids for part of the gathering, while most of my generations don't come to the reunions on a regular basis at all.

    Then I did the 18 min BB on: “Christians had to be happy all the time.” I'd come to this idea while clicking early in the day.  One of my wonderful Grandma's said something like this a lot.  Everyone can tell your faith by your joy.  She and I are both naturally joyful and believers.  She is the gladdest-hearted person around and everyone sees her that way.  While her faith is a huge part of her joy, it's not a recipe to never hurt.  Eventually, she had to grieve Grandpa. 

    A lot came back on that one… Great grandparents funerals when I was younger… Most came right before I started worrying mom by being overly happy.  I remembered singing at Grandpa's funeral when I was I high-school.    I wouldn't do that now.

    One thing that stands out is how David and my Dad both have everything come So easy for them.  My happy Grandma was that way too.  I think that is the next thing to work on…

    I'd like to be like that & not guilty for being surrounded by people who are that way.

    My audio book said “Evrything had to be okay right now.”. I did the 18 min. BB on it.  Half way through it seemed too unrealistic so I switched to “I had to know how everything was going to work out.”

    That reminded me of a past time when I was to e with taking a pay cut.  I creak g bills is the same as taking a paycut.  In that case, I knew things would work out. “

    BB- Worry made me effecient.

    Which was really hard to believe for 18 minutes.

    So I'd like something with not over planning next.

    My other work has made it clear how poorly I manage the time that I have.  When I have free time I feel torn about what to work on first and often guilty whatever I choose first (Self improvement (PSTEC), excersise or housework).

    This is a  far smaller problem than wanting to be dead or panicing about braces.  I did  think about the cost of the braces early in the day, but not panicing.