Reply To: My mother is narcissist
Paul McCabeHi SilentBob,
Thanks for your posts and for continuing to work through this.
“Because my mother was belittling me, I have this problem (one of many, exactly):
If I want something of people, it’s very easy for me to give up. My thinking is like:
I don’t want to bother him (or her) now. If I phone call him now, maybe he is sleeping after dinner. Or maybe he is busy and I’ll distract him. Now is not good time, etc. So, I give up, very often. How to solve this?”
Firstly, I would recommend getting in touch with the feelings and thoughts you have before you ask something of someone.
It could be that you have the thought that it is bad to bother people, or that you will be punished in some way.
Get really clear on the worst aspects of that. What are the worst case scenarios of asking for something?
– Being indebted?
– Being criticised or punished?
– Someone thinking less of you (e. g. being annoyed by your request) ?
– Inconveniencing someone in some way?
Make this real, using the very scenarios you have experienced or fear experiencing again, and stay with the feelings you experience (or the imagined outcomes).
Click Track it until you can picture the worst-case scenarios and feel fine or neutral about them. It is making peace with possibilities and this will free you up.
I recommend that you work through all aspects of this. It will, I expect, prove to be very effective.
In terms of beliefs, check in with the following and eliminate any (using PSTEC Negative or the Belief Blasters) which resonate (e. g. say the statements out loud) and using the specific instructions of each belief-clearing tool:
– “My needs don’t matter”
– “It is bad to ask for what I want”
– “Other people’s feelings are more important than mine”
– “I have to do everything myself”
– “Asking for help is a sign of weakness”
– “Asking for what I want means someone else will be hurt”
– “I am a nuisance”
– “If I ask someone for something, it will be used against me”
– “I have to stay hidden, so I won’t be hurt”
– “It is scary for people to be annoyed at me”
After running either track, check to see whether the beliefs feel true. One BB, for example, is usually enough. Some people need to run the track a couple or few times. Just do what is right for you.
Then, I would recommend running a simple PQT:
“I am now completely at ease asking for what I need”
Please let us know how you get on with this.
Kind Regards,
Paul
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com
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