My mother is narcissist
- This topic has 13 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 2 months ago by SilentBob.
- April 18, 2019 at 10:29 pm#22173SilentBobPSTEC User
Last summer I found out, my mother is covert narcissist. That means she don't have empathy and she is using different kind of tactics to manipulate with me:
gaslighting, guilt tripping, triangulation, projection, double bind… Also, blackmailing, intimidation, lying and all other kinds of ugly things just to manipulate with me and to control my life. My perception of reality was so much distorted, it's unbelievable.
After I found out this, I was reading a lot and watched Youtube videos about her narcissistic personality disorder and it opened my eyes. It was very painful true but true that changed me a lot.
Why I am writing this? I registered on this forum many years ago. Nothing helped me to overcome my problems. My mother was abusing me psychologically and emotionally, all my life. Most of her tactics I even never recognized before. Now I can see and understand what she was doing to me.
And now I can recognize also if someone else try to do the same. Because, at least 1 percent of population are narcissists which can make serious psychological damage to the people around, if they are living with them, for longer time. They can be very dangerous, psychologically. I noticed at least 2 more narcissists in my life, recently. One tried to do gaslighting on me, second guilt tripping. But without success.
I think this is serious problem for many people, and for some here also, so everyone should educate them self about narcissists. I hope this was helpful.
Now I am visiting psychologist which have knowledge about narcissists. Not many have, unfortunately. If I'll need some help with PSTEC tracks, I'll come later here. I don't know what to ask, for now.
Sorry for my English.April 26, 2019 at 10:51 am#26528Paul McCabePSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator
Thanks for your post. Your English is spot on.
What you learned there was very valuable, as emotional manipulation can be truly devastating – especially as it was prolonged in your particular case.
I am glad your psychologist has knowledge of this issue, as narcissistic behaviour will impact a lot of people. It is good that you now know none of that was your fault.
PSTEC is an amazing suite of tools, and many people have made huge changes without seeing a therapist or practitioner. However, if any issues do seem sticky or too intense, that would usually be a great time to reach out – either here or by working with a practitioner. An outside perspective can help speed progress dramatically.
We are here, if you need us.
All the best,
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…June 1, 2019 at 5:40 am#26529SilentBobPSTEC User
I have some questions.
Because a lot of mother's guilt tripping in past, I have lot of painful memories with shame. It's happening like this: memory show up in my mind related with something what's happening right now and it's painful. Also, I noticed, after her's guilt tripping, I feel exhausted and without energy to do chores and activities.
How to deal with it?June 2, 2019 at 3:49 pm#26530Brian TuckerPSTEC User
Oh man, I know those feelings all too well.
You can start by belief blasting some of these… “everything is my fault” and “it was all my fault” “I was a problem” “I should be ashamed of myself” “I should be guilty for what I did” I am a guilty person” “I am to blame for everything” “I am always the one to blame” “I am bad” “I am a bad person” “I am shameful” “I am a shame”
make sure you feel those feelings you just described along with the guilt and shame while you blast the belief. Really try hard to feel the feelings. Get angry at your mother and yourself too at times to release the anger with it.
You might have to do these each a few times. I did. I would get through them all over a few days time. Then go back and check to see if I still had them. If I did I would hit them again until they did not exist anymore.June 6, 2019 at 2:37 pm#26531SilentBobPSTEC User
So, I started once with PSTEC Negative, than I bought belief blasters and worked on “everything was my fault” and “I was always the one to blame”. Repeated on that sentences, maybe 10 times… I felt anger an CT that. But, look like my guilt is very strong belief. Now I can see that. Amazing how strong is!June 7, 2019 at 1:29 pm#26532Brian TuckerPSTEC User
make sure when you run BB you really try as hard as you possibly can feel those feelings of the belief as you repeat it in the past tense.June 14, 2019 at 5:34 am#26533SilentBobPSTEC User
So, I finished with BB on sentence “everything is my fault”. Wow! I am so full of energy for few days. Great experience! But, now I feel I have some more of guilt. I'll continue with BB.June 14, 2019 at 4:22 pm#26534Brian TuckerPSTEC User
In addition to what I had already posted. Blast these in past tense:
I am guilty
I have done something wrong
I am wrong
I am to blame
I am bad
I am a bad person
Use long 18 min BB and REALLY feel the feelings with each one while you think of all the possible memories, past, present and future. You may need to run one more than once if these are really strong beliefs.April 27, 2020 at 11:25 pm#27177SilentBobPSTEC User
So, here I am again. Few months ago Paul helped me with gaslighting in email which was very helpful and that’s why I want to share here his instructions with others. Is it OK to share here?
So, here is his email:
I have indeed heard of gaslighting and have worked with people who have experienced it. It is a horrible way to be treated.
Here is a good video about it:
I’d also recommend CTing any painful incidents you have had around your mother. Try hard to feel those feelings you get when she is being abusive towards you. Make this real. Think of the way she looks at you and speaks to you and TRY HARD to get really angry. Keep CTing until her words have no negative impact on you.
Please also give this protocol a try:
Think of times you have experienced Gaslighting. This includes all of your experiences of being manipulated or having your feelings being denied by your mother. There will be a mixture here (e.g. annoyance, fear,
anger, sadness) – just let them surface while you think about these times.
Run the Long CT 2015 track (28 mins) on “Gaslighting and manipulative behaviour”.
Work through each memory, idea or concept. Just TRY hard to feel the heavy feelings. Really, really try. Allow it all to come up.
If it is not down to a 0 or 1, you may wish to run the same Click Track again. If it feels too much today, then once is enough. Keep going until this is a 0 or 1.
Run the Belief Blasters (18 mins) on the following beliefs:
– “I was not respected ”
– “I was not allowed to be me”
– “I had to feel what mother wanted me to feel”
Run the 15 min PQT on each of these:
– “No matter what she says or does, I am enough”
– “I am calm and at ease around (Mum/mother) now”
– “I am absolutely worthy of respect now it’s true”
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Really commit yourself to that and let me know how you get on.
———————————————————————————- End of email.April 28, 2020 at 2:00 pm#27178Brian TuckerPSTEC User
Here are a couple of PQT suggestions that can be of use:
My mother is neither good or bad, she just is
My mother is neither right or wrong, she just is
you can also do a similar set
People are neither good or bad, they just are
People are neither right or wrong, they just are
One set will create a shift. 2-3 sets will be much better.
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