Blushing, how it works and where to start?
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kenshinI am actually really confused as to whether I have social anxiety or erythrophobia or perhaps they are both interconnected?
Anyway, the reason I want to seek help is because I am actually quite a social person but under certain circumstances, I may blush (quite a bit) and I fear that my friends think that it is strange how I can be so social sometimes yet look so shy at another situation. I fear blushing and so this triggers more blushing, even though I am aware, the more I try to stop it, the more it would worsen, I still do it because whenever I blush it seems like “it's already too late, everyone has noticed, there is no point in trying to calm down anymore”. To me it just seems that blushing has such a large consequence because I think I turn abnormally red even when the situation isn't so bad and the fact that I know I am over reacting, I will feel that others think I must be crazy to get so embarrassed! As a male, it is also worse because society believes that men shouldn't be so shy, sensitive and vulnerable.
Sometimes this fear may inhibit my expression of opinion (mainly when there are a lot of people like a large group of friends) but when I am speaking to only 1 person, this usually isn't a problem although I still can blush.
It is especially when I put myself in a particular social situation and get embarrassed, I would get so upset why I attend that event.
In classes, I get so paranoid that the teacher would ask me a question I don't know, everyone would stare at me while I go bright red then thinking that I am both stupid and so shy!So I would like to ask, firstly do I have social anxiety, erythophobia or some other condition? Secondly, what are my treatment options in regards to PSTEC?
I have done some research about PSTEC and it seems like it is used to forget unpleasant memories/future feared events. So does that mean we need to click away every possible even that may cause my anxiety/blushing? Or by clicking away the most feared situations, I won't fear/blush as much already?Thanks for any advice and sorry for so many questions!
Peter BunyanHi Kenshin
There are others on this forum who have similar problems to yourself and will follow your progress with interest.
IMHO Blushing is an innate body language signal from our ancient primate ancestry, it signals submissiveness. This is a loss of social position/self worth/self esteem issue hence the discomfort felt when blushing (“stupid and shy)”. Some people are more affected than others. This on it's own would not be much of a problem but it also seems to be often associated with a traumatic event when young or a series of lesser minor events closely related in time. This/these event/s have locked the blushing in with the memories and when you subconsciously reminded of these events (triggered) you blush again. Your subconscious works faster than your conscious and you find that you blush first and realise you are doing it after and so once started “too late”. After this has happened a number of times you come to believe you are a “blusher” also the more it happens the more sensitive the trigger gets to “certain circumstances”. Furthermore you know it can happen again, and once triggered it is “unstoppable” it makes you feel bad so you even get to “fear” it happening again, as you “know” it will sooner or later. In short a negative feedback loop.
Does this sound about right to you?
Blushing is a natural response to social circumstances, so perhaps “social anxiety” also you have gotten into the feedback loop and fear it and so “erythrophobia” the answer your question then is “both” but do not worry about the labels society/science has given the problem. Conventional wisdom has no real answers for you, but PSTEC does.
What then to do about it is the big question.
You have to realise you have a problem. You are have posted here. So tick one box.
You have to be open to the possibility that you can improve or even eliminate the problem?
You have to be open to the possibility that PSTEC will help you achieve this?
You need the commitment to work at it, only you can do this for yourself, nobody else can do it for you.
Can we tick these boxes?
Download the FREE basic Click Tracks if you have not already done so. Ticked?
Listened to the instructions?
Rather than make this an extremely long post I will continue after your reply to this one.
PeterkenshinHi Kenshin
There are others on this forum who have similar problems to yourself and will follow your progress with interest.
IMHO Blushing is an innate body language signal from our ancient primate ancestry, it signals submissiveness. This is a loss of social position/self worth/self esteem issue hence the discomfort felt when blushing (“stupid and shy)”. Some people are more affected than others. This on it's own would not be much of a problem but it also seems to be often associated with a traumatic event when young or a series of lesser minor events closely related in time. This/these event/s have locked the blushing in with the memories and when you subconsciously reminded of these events (triggered) you blush again. Your subconscious works faster than your conscious and you find that you blush first and realise you are doing it after and so once started “too late”. After this has happened a number of times you come to believe you are a “blusher” also the more it happens the more sensitive the trigger gets to “certain circumstances”. Furthermore you know it can happen again, and once triggered it is “unstoppable” it makes you feel bad so you even get to “fear” it happening again, as you “know” it will sooner or later. In short a negative feedback loop.
Does this sound about right to you?
Blushing is a natural response to social circumstances, so perhaps “social anxiety” also you have gotten into the feedback loop and fear it and so “erythrophobia” the answer your question then is “both” but do not worry about the labels society/science has given the problem. Conventional wisdom has no real answers for you, but PSTEC does.
What then to do about it is the big question.
You have to realise you have a problem. You are have posted here. So tick one box.
You have to be open to the possibility that you can improve or even eliminate the problem?
You have to be open to the possibility that PSTEC will help you achieve this?
You need the commitment to work at it, only you can do this for yourself, nobody else can do it for you.
Can we tick these boxes?
Download the FREE basic Click Tracks if you have not already done so. Ticked?
Listened to the instructions?
Rather than make this an extremely long post I will continue after your reply to this one.
PeterThanks Peter for your help.
Yes, I do believe that I can improve, although not completely eliminate as I do think it is normal for anyone to blush when put in an embarrassing position. I also do believe PSTEC works as I have tried other forms of therapy and by thinking differently, it seems to work and also by the reviews of other people, it does seem to show evidence that it is a solution.
I am going to try the free click tracks but can I ask whether this technique is used to forget past/future events we fear only? E.g. if I haven't clicked an unplanned event, would I just turn red anyway?Peter BunyanHi kenshin
PSTEC Click Tracks remove the unwanted emotions from past or even future imagined events. The memory stays the bad feelings fade away and have no power or influence over you now.
Download the FREE Basic Click tracks here and listen to the instructions first. PSTEC is not a lay back and listen therapy you have to be engaged and work with the process. This can be a bit intense to start with, but these Basic Click tracks are only 11 minutes at a time. Listen to the first few minutes of one to get the idea of what is required.
Plan A Imagine a future scene where something happens to make you blush, make it the worst possible case where every thing that could go wrong has, this disaster would if it happened definitely make you blush badly and make you feel really bad then run the click track and tap along as instructed. At the beginning and end of each track you are asked to rate your feelings on a scale of 1-10. Repeat Plan A maybe with variations on the disaster scenario until you can get the rating at the end down to 0-1. Only go through a few times each session or as much as you feel comfortable with, there is no rush.
Reply if you have any more questions before you start or
let us know how you got on before we move on to the next stage. Plan B
PeterkenshinHi Peter,
Actually the clicking works amazingly well (don't feel anxious about the thoughts after 1 round) but how would this reduce blushing?
Does it assume that our blushing is due to specific things we worry about at before we start the day and if we click those away we would be blush free for the day?
Or is it more about clicking away as many painful events in your life?Peter BunyanHi Kenshin
Blushing is a subconscious behavioural response to a feeling which is a response to a situation. The blush starts before your conscious mind is alerted. Once you realise you are blushing it is too late. This is like a chain reaction, the situation triggering the feeling linked to the behaviour, the behaviour triggering the awareness. What PSTEC does is to break the links in the chain. Once broken the situation will not cause the the feeling and so no blush to that situation again ever. However you have to allow PSTEC to do it's stuff, that is you have to at least believe it might work for you. Every week someone wins £millions on the Lottery at astronomical odds, but they have to be in it to win it. You have to believe even on a long shot chance that PSTEC will work for you for the big prize to be available. You have begun to experience the power and speed of PSTEC, can accept that with your willingness it can do so much more?In Plan A when building your imaginary future worst case scenario you are not really building a totally fictitious event but using bits and pieces of past actual events, this means that your imaginary event is actually linked subconsciously to the real past. When you remove the emotions from the imagined one you are de-linking them from your past at the same time. If this works well you will not have to Click Track past events recent or distant (Plan C). However I suggest you run Plan A on at least several more occasions. Every time you recreate your worst case it is a new event, like every time you have blushed in the past the circumstance were different. You are not replaying the same event but different ones even if the differences are small. When you find you have little or no bad feeling to your worst case or you now cannot even imagine one or you need a change then it is time for Plan B.
Plan B Your initial blushing events were probably so stressful that they have become locked in and the more it happens the more sensitive you get to the trigger situations. You now know you blush and can even anticipate it happening but feel powerless to do anything about it. Yes?
Well you are doing something about it and so with PSTEC tools you give yourself some power back.
Like Plan A imagine a worst case scenario but place yourself at a point in time before this scenario plays out. You know it is going to happen but the feelings are likely to be not the same as the blushing more like a dread possibly even anger at the unfairness of it all or unhappiness at the seeming inevitability, resentment any or all of these and more possibly more blended together in a mix, Click Track these.
There are still plans C,D,E which can be brought forward if need be but lets take it one step at a time. Get back to us in a few days, OK?kenshinHello Peter!
Did a few sessions for the past days and wasn't too sure still whether I am meant to try and recall the feelings to a situation or more how I perceive the situation?
E.g. If I was in a social situation and people looked at me and I thought “everyone must think I am weird, I am stupid” then I start feeling like a throbbing feeling going up my throat to my head and start blushing for no reason. Am I supposed to try and remember how that throbbing feeling during the click track or more the throbbing feeling in that situation? But if it was the later, since my issue is blushing, does it mean every situation I try to click away is the same feeling I should try recall?
Sorry for the questions, I am trying to access click tracks made simple but it isn't downloading.
Peter BunyanHi Kenshin
Can't help with the download problem Jeff would be the man to ask.Certain situations make you feel a certain way the behavioural response to this is the blushing, this starts before you are consciously aware of it and when you are it is too late. Being aware of of it only makes the blushing worse. With me so far?
The sorts of situations that trigger the feelings are social therefore subconscious. Also note that every feeling of any sort invokes a behaviour although it might be so slight you would not notice it. These behaviours can take only a fraction of a second to start following the feeling. The intensity needs to get past a threshold at some level before your conscious mind becomes aware of it. Still with me? This makes it impossible to stop by telling yourself to. You can try and get control over the social situation, but if you had that sort of skill the blushing would probably not occur. The next best thing is to escape the situation and walk around somewhere. The exercise will help ease the feelings away.
What I am trying to help you do is de-link the feeling with the situation. When you have done this then the situations will not cause you to blush, problem solved.
Blushing is a natural thing and happens with many people. However with some it gets to be a problem most likely because an event happened when you were say 7-13 years old, at which age you become socially aware, even if you blushed before that age your were probably not aware of the social aspect and therefore it was not a problem. This event or series of events probably close in time would most likely take the form of you being bullied or pushed around or somehow dominated by someone possibly part of a group, this being achieved by them being bigger taller (most people are when you are only 7-13) or otherwise being able to out stare or force you to look down, browbeaten. This forces you to submit or lose control in some way. This sort of event might just be forgotten but at this time someone noticed you blushing and pointed it out to the others, they all then looked and laughed, jeered or some such. This made the situation intolerable for you but unable to escape it and the feelings remained locked-in undissipated. Sooner or later this sort of thing happened again, this time you notice yourself blushing, making yourself feel even worse, now you are a blusher. Does this sound about right?
Please bear in mind that I am generalising this so that others might be able to relate to it and also help themselves.
One aspect of social dominance is the eyes, eyes looking at you, staring at you, the more people looking the worse it is for example being pointed out or being asked to talk or give a presentation. Even the feeling of people looking or that they might look could be enough.
By asking you to imagine a worst case scenario I am in effect asking you to pull together all the worst aspects of your past experiences and blend them into one worst case, this in order to stimulate more powerful feelings. The more powerful the feelings the more PSTEC can get to work and de-link them to your social triggers, being looked at, what ever it is that does it for you. Different social situations might produce different feelings, if they are not wanted then Click Track them away.
Keep trying this Plan A until you find it difficult to “work up” any feelings.
Hopefully this long post has made things clearer rather than “muddying up the waters”.
PeterPeter BunyanTo all “blushers” following this thread. Please contact me email or pm , with your thoughts on what I have written so far. I have taken some time to put together information that might if you think it useful enough form the basis for a PSTEC package, including Magic Sentences and hypnosis. These packages are generic and so I need as much information that is common to you all, as I can get.
PeterkenshinApologies Peter had a typo that made my e.g. quite confusing what I should have said was:
E.g. If I was in a social situation and people looked at me and I thought “everyone must think I am weird, I am stupid” then I start feeling like a throbbing feeling going up my throat to my head and start blushing for no reason. Am I supposed to try and remember “They think I am weird and stupid” or more the throbbing feeling in that situation during the click track? But if it was the later, since my issue is blushing, does it mean every situation I try to click away is the same feeling I should try recall?
With that being said Peter, you are quite spot on. I remember quite clearly a time when I had a random anxiety attack but didn't blush. It was a very strange feeling, like so much adrenaline rushed up my throat to my head that I was shaking. After that incidence, I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought what was that feeling about? Do I have some condition? Why did my nervousness trigger such a response. From then on I think I started being quite conscious about my nervousness and hence blushing.
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