Breaking up with a first love
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- November 12, 2014 at 8:40 pm#21695PaperDAyPSTEC User
PSTEC has really helped me but I need some advice…
I'm going through a breakup at the moment and even though I find myself moving on quite well, I fear this relationship will have effect on all my other relationships.
You see, he rejected me and left me broken hearted. because he had feelings for someone else (and because of some problems we had too of course). I Understand why he left, because during our relationship I had points where I thought we should break up, because we're not that compatible on some levels. But it has left me feeling rejected and fearing I will ever trust someone again, because of those feelings for someone else. I had no idea!
I was also quite jealous of one person (not the person he had feelings for) in his life during our relationships. I didn't have problems with him being friends with girls but he texted her constantly and he even went out with her to a party without telling me so that's why I had those feelings. But now I can't get rid of ANY jealous emotions regarding him (and maybe future relationships too, that's what is scaring me)
Because he's not an asshole and he is a generally nice guy, people around me are still very fond of him even though he broke my heart. It's really hard to see that. I don't want him in my life anymore in any way. And that sucks.
It's also sometimes hard to let go of all the good memories and 'our future vision' together. Because we did have a lot of fun. How do I cope with that?
So my question is, how do I get rid of my beliefs and emotions effectively?
Thank you so much for your help!November 15, 2014 at 7:06 am#23882Jeff HardingPSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator
This can be a bit challenging on your own because these types of emotions where you still have feelings for someone (i.e. what one might call “love”) can be very strong and it's not that it's harder to work on with PSTEC, but difficult for the person to “see the forest for the trees.” Therein, lies the challenge.
But, you can work on these points on your own and then if you still have issues, maybe have a practitioner work with you to help you along…
1. First decide if you are ready to move on... in other words, if you meet him sometime by chance, would you “fall in love” again and even be open to it? So, you MUST be wiling to move on permanently to make any PSTEC work on this type of issue Truly effective.
Your thoughts that a past, hurtful relationship could affect future ones can be true so it's a wise choice to address not only THIS past relationship and its effects, but also… this is important … the mind model that led you to this failed relationship. Why were you attracted to someone that caused you pain because there is always a reason within us that allows this.
2. Address emotions …
Hurts … CT any traumas, no matter how seemingly small until you feel neutral about them. Include betrayals in here as well. You want to look back upon this and other past relationships as mere events… neutral events … and then you are clear not only to attract True Love… Unconditional Love… but also clear enough to express it to the world as well.
Rejected … CT any rejections, failures, etc. Now, don't just leave this to the relationship, but to other memories that arise as well. This is always True… when something comes up, DO NOT judge it, define it, deem it unrelated, etc. If it is not J.E.E.P., CT it!
Desire and/or Need … any feelings of desires and need for him… CT that too. So, if you feel attracted in any way, you can CT that as well.
Here are some negatives to address with PN:
*this relationship will have effect on all my other relationships
*I will ever trust someone again
*I am jealous of him
Use PSTEC Positive to suggest new beliefs you desire about relationships.
I can't go into all the details of those beliefs because it depends upon your desires, your past issues, etc. But, there you go, a few suggestions.
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