Can I use Cascade Release this way

[Peter BunyanPSTEC User]

Sidney

All good to hear. Please keep us updated with your progress.

Keep on Clicking!
Peter

[SidneyPSTEC User]

Hello Peter,
thanks for your kind words.

I used the Cascade Release a lot during the last few weeks and things start to change. There are some things that got a lot better, others still need some work.

There are 3 things in my focus right now.

1. I now feel the really big need for using PSTEC positive and PSTEC Positive extra power and I'll buy PSTEC Positive secrets soon. I just bought PSTEC peak performance. Because I just think it's about time to build up some good new stuff. That's what I'll do today

2. I now realize that all that stuff, it's not my fault that those people screamed and yelled and did all that name calling and abuse. It was their emotional instability and their own inner experience and their own memories. What they did was very inappropriate, although it appeared to be normal back then. But, and here is a really big issue, what hurts the most are the memories of being yelled at and the sudden outbursts of aggressive behavior from people that should have cared for me. Instead they expected me to take care of their needs and I was overwhelmed from that. I've been tapping on that for months and it's still there. The gaslighting was also really bad. I've been tapping on that, too. It still hurts. But I guess feeling the hurt is better than the numbing and dissociation I did before. PSTEC works best for me when I allow myself to feel that hurt and pain and the desperate loneliness although there where lots of people around me. It took a lot of guts to just jump into that hurt and pain. But I guess it's rewarding. This may sound obvious, but I was used to dissociate for all of my life. Recognizing + feeling the hurt and pain instead of splitting it off is a big thing for me.
Do you have any suggestins or tips / advice?

3. I've been trained to take on projective identification since I was a very little child, and there was lots of scapegoating etc. I was assigned to take on their stuff and make things easier for them. Sometimes I even knew that I am taking on something that doesn't belong to me, but I still had to do so, because easing their life and lighten their load was my “right to exist”. They were usually threatening me with a lot of really bad stuff to make sure I'd do what they want + to make sure I'd take the blame for stuff that was not my fault. I would not have done it, at least not all of it, without the threats.

So, I have a lot of stuff stored in my soul that does not belong to me.  I do not make this up, my therapist confirmed that I took it on.
I tried to tap that stuff with the Click tracks as if it was my own, that doesn't work.
Then I tried to tap it as a surrogate, pretending to be that person for some time. Doing so eases the load, although it is really really exhausting. But it makes me understand some stuff and as far as I now know, living with a PD and without a consistent inner self must be really hard, but still doesn't justify abuse.

Before I had PSTEC I had to put all of that burden into my OCD, in fact that's one reason I developed OCD. I now know that my OCD is not my enemy, it's just some kind of self help and (kind of) an attempt of self defense.
Do you have any suggestions on tapping projective identifications and extractive introjections? I assume that I am not the only one dealing what projective identifications, so maybe there are already known strategies for that besides the surrogate tapping.
I also tried to tap the threats that forced me to be “open” for their projective identification, because I hoped that stuff would disappear, this approach does work, but I need more time with that. For the extractive introjection I used some kind of mixed strategy, surrogate tapping and tapping my own stuff.

I really really want to be done with that stuff, because I don't want to spend the rest of my life with something a former therapist called “channeling therapy for people who refuse to go to therapy” and feeding people with knowledge and strategies who should do their own work on personal growth and personal change. This may sound arrogant, but I've been doing this all my life, work hard for my pesonal growth and knowledge and I shared what I learned with others. Because I always thought that's what you do as a social person, until I found out that there are people in this world who are just empty vessels and bottomless pits. It can be a good thing to share, but you have to think about it first.

I'd be really grateful for ideas and tips.

have a great day
Sidney

[Peter BunyanPSTEC User]

Hi Sidney

Good to hear that you have made some progress.

Re 1: Positive Secrets is a long tutorial on how to construct the most effective statements for use with the Positives, lots of detail in it. Peak performance is best for working towards a big event.

Re 2:  The Click Tracks do the disassociating for you but they need to know what  emotion to break from from what memory. Hence trying to re-live the memory and feelings while Click tracking.  This can be difficult, but you do it knowing that every session gets it closer to gone. This is the reason for the 0-10 count before and after, lowering the score each time.
Think for a moment about what is the worst that can happen if you do nothing, staying as you are or getting worse. If that carries any fear or anxiety then Click Track that.

Re 3:  You might find PSTEC advanced Part 2 helpful. Adapting the personality archetypes talked about in this tutorial to your circumstances might be a way forward for you. Briefly you anthropomorphise your emotions, give them avatars, to create a “cast of characters” when you have done this you gain a measure of control over them and can reduce their effect. In your case you seem already to have some bad characters, it might be possible for you to create from your ideals a more “guardian angel” character who has the power to diminish the “baddies”. Sounds sort of schizoid but we all have multiple personalities to a greater or lesser extent.

Peter

[SidneyPSTEC User]

Dear Peter,
thanks for your answer.

I used peak performance yesterday and today in the morning, listended to it a few times and it worked. I wanted to improve my performance on my OCD, because for me those minutes, when I have to do my OCD, are minutes of anxiety and bad memories and I have to get through that. My OCD is a lot about bad memories from the past. It did not really enhance my OCD, but it did something else. I slept _a lot better_ tonight, I was able to skip taking my herbal meds I usually take for better sleep and I was able to cope with something that was a huge trigger for me in former days. After listening to the mp3s of peak performance that trigger was no longer a trigger for me. And that is a huge gift for me. Thanks for that @Tim Phizackerley

I now have a separate folder for my PSTEC positive. I collected a lot of sentences, written on paper, and I memorize them as often as possible. It does help, but sometimes it's like I work on a particular issue, but the desired effect does not occur, instead something completely different changes or enhances. But that's ok. The brain ist complex and full of miracles.

I know that tapping with the click tracks is all about feeling the bad stuff and tapping it away step by step. I know that, it's just hard sometimes. But Rome wasn't built in one day, so I just keep on tapping.

I'll buy PSTEC advanced Part 2 someday soon. I already bought Part one a few month ago. Will have to listen to it again, before buying Part 2.
I am familiar with the technique you describe, at least I think so, I already tried that a few times and it's really helpful. Here in Germany there is a therapist who spezialized in ego-state-therapy for traumata. Jochen Peichl teaches something like “magic words” for dealing with states. Basically you say that to each state after conclusive identification and naming it.
– I love you
– Please forgive me
– I'm sorry for all that stuff you had to carry in the past
– thank you
plus
that's very important
– I accept whatever you are telling me and I will not try to trivialize or deny it.
and: It's over now. It's 2016 now, we are not living there anymore, then I tell them the date, the time and were we are and what we are doing and they eventually calm down.

It's a lot like ho'oponopono, but there are some differences. I prefer working with the method from Jochen Peichl as written above.

And for the baddies it's something like: “I accept that you just try to save me as good as possible, but please leave now or do something different that does not hurt me.” I know that those introjects loyal to a predator get alarmed every time a person tries to reach beyond the limits of what was allowed and forbidden during development traumata. They just try to help, but they are outdated and need a update.

But that's not what I meant. What I meant were things I took on that do not belong to me. There is a difference at least in my opinion.
I'll try the baddie-strategy again, maybe it helps. And I'll listen to PSTEC advanced Part 1 again and I'll purchase PSTEC advanced Part 2 as soon as possible. I spent a lot on PSTEC, but I think it's worth the money.
Not to mention the time I spend on PSTEC almost every day But I think it will pay off for me and finally the ground beneath my feet will be solid again and it will help me digging myself out of the rabbit hole where I fall into when I least want it or alteratively try to hide inside from time to time.

And I found a book that meets my needs
https://books.google.de/books?id=aciFU9rNt84C&printsec=frontcover&hl=de#v=onepage&q&f=false
Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get on with life.

Is it ok to mention the book here?
I bought it on Amazon, because it's just like the author is writing about me. For me the book is a great addition to my work with PSTEC. (I don't get any money for telling that)
Maybe there are others here in the forum dealing with the pain caused by NPD / BPD people. I highly recomment the articles on BPD / NPD published on psychology today, especially those written by Randi Kreger, from BPDCentral.com, about people who are completely lacking empathy.
example:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201201/lack-empathy-the-most-telling-narcissistic-trait

If it is not ok to link those articles and books, please tell me and I'll stop doing so. I just read all that stuff and from time to time I'd really like to talk about that with others you are familiar with the topic.

have a great day
Sidney

[Peter BunyanPSTEC User]

Hi Sidney

Links to helpful and appropriate information OK but obviously selling stuff not allowed, spammers get blocked no second chance. Transparency statement: As a PSTEC affiliate my links go to PSTEC products where if they go through to purchase I make a slice. I do try to be careful not to push products I am here to help not make money.

Keep on Clicking
Peter

[SidneyPSTEC User]

Dear Peter,
it's been a while but I just wanted to tell you that your advice was really helpful to me. From time to time I kept thinking about stuff you told me and that helped me with tapping. Thanks for that.

And purchasing Cascade Release back then was worth every dime. These days I combine it with accelerator 2, Click Track 1 and Click Track 2015 long 2. But I alternate a lot between packages and tracks.
My OCD gets better, still bothersome from time to time, but it gets better.
Cascade release helps me calm down before I go to sleep and that's a good thing.

And I listened to hypnotic mp3s like wealth of abundance etc. at least once per day.

There is still a lot of work to do, but I have a strategy and that makes the work doable. It's not all about hoping and praying, it's about using the tools I have. That's great for my self-efficacy, because that feeling of being a hamster stuck in a wheel diminished

The next step would be to use PSTEC Positive (more often), but as long as I have those feeling of guilt and remorse and shame, that's difficult. But I hope I can tackle that problem somehow.

So, I hope you enjoy your summer and maybe your vacation.
all the best for you
Sidney

[Peter BunyanPSTEC User]

Hi Sydney

Good to hear from you again and that you have made some progress.

Generally I would suggest thinking about the future you want to have and the person you want to become and Click Tracking any negative feelings that come up that stop you having that that future. However if I understand you then you are not allowing yourself to think ahead possibly you do not feel you are worth it or you not believe it could ever happen. Am I right? Do you fear for the future because you are afraid some more bad people are going and take it from you/abuse you again? Or possibly you fear that the OCD PTSD will take you over completely?

Apologies for the personal questions. I feel that the simple straight forward approach for you is still not going to work and I need some more information in order to find a way around the problem.

However I do suggest if you have not yet done so listening to the new FREE PSTEC and Mindfulness tutorial. This is a simple paradigm of the way the mind works and how to use that in order  to change the way you think and feel. The technique suggested is cheap low-tech and very portable and so usable almost anywhere. This makes it a good partner for use with other PSTEC tools. It does focus very much on being positive but not necessarily on big things but an accumulation of little things. Please let me know what you think about it.

Regards
Peter

[SidneyPSTEC User]

Hello Peter,
thanks for your kind words.

Generally I would suggest thinking about the future you want to have and the person you want to become and Click Tracking any negative feelings that come up that stop you having that that future. However if I understand you then you are not allowing yourself to think ahead possibly you do not feel you are worth it or you not believe it could ever happen. Am I right? Do you fear for the future because you are afraid some more bad people are going and take it from you/abuse you again? Or possibly you fear that the OCD PTSD will take you over completely?

you are right. It just was like there will be no future for me. I still struggle with that, it is not as worse as it used to be.

I do not fear that the PSTD might take over, I just fear that I might keep that OCD stuff forever. I know for a fact that my life is better whenever I use PSTEC positive, but I have problems with that, problems to allow myself being ok. As I mentioned in the guilt-shame-topic, therapists yelled at me for using self help, even for using PSTEC. When I could no longer hide the efforts + successes I made with self help (imagine a patient who has to hide that), things got really bad in therapy. That's why I stopped therapy completely. Shoud have done that a lot sooner, but I believed them whenever they said that self help causes harm and has to be stopped and that PTSD can not be treated with self help strategies.

I usually tap the obstacles in my way or bruises on my soul, but after reading your words for the first time a few days ago, I tried to picture things / my life how I desire it to be and tapped that. That was different, but I like it. I'll try that again for sure.

Apologies for the personal questions. I feel that the simple straight forward approach for you is still not going to work and I need some more information in order to find a way around the problem.

no apology needed, you are right, again
It is difficult for me, because of all that therapist abuse and as a matter of fact I had to “channel” therapy for some friends of mine with severe problems, who refuse to go to therapy. The term “channeling” is usually connected to talking to spirits etc. but for me it's also about using someone as a transportation.
One of my therapists used the term when we talked about all that stuff other people “give” me so that I'll find a solution for it, in therapy or in my self help books.
I had and have no problem to tell others about self help strategies, where to find them, how to use them, I always thought that those things are meant to be shared, but somehow it seems to be easier to let me do the emotional work.
I read a lot about boundaries and for the first time in my life I try to protect myself. Maybe things will get easier then. I distanced myself from most of those people, but the stuff they “gave” me is still stored in my soul. I try to tap that too, but tapping stuff, that belongs to someone else, is hard work.
That's some kind of projective introjektion or being assigned to take stuff on or maybe just weak boundaries, I am not sure how to name that. I used to be a magnet for people with difficult stories.

However I do suggest if you have not yet done so listening to the new FREE PSTEC and Mindfulness tutorial. This is a simple paradigm of the way the mind works and how to use that in order  to change the way you think and feel. The technique suggested is cheap low-tech and very portable and so usable almost anywhere. This makes it a good partner for use with other PSTEC tools. It does focus very much on being positive but not necessarily on big things but an accumulation of little things. Please let me know what you think about it.

I already downloaded the mindfulness package, but thanks for reminding me. I listened to part one, with a notepad and a pen, as suggested. But mindfulness is difficult for me, because one of my therapists forced me into that mindfulness strategy. She said flashbacks, triggers and bad memories go away when I am mindful and she yelled at me, whenever I said, I don't want to do that and it does not work for me.
Tim Phizackerley mentions in part 1, that mindfulness is a good thing as long as you have a technique like PSTEC on the side to tap away problems. I didn't have PSTEC back then.

That's why I developed OCD, because that stuff, triggers, flashbacks etc. had to go somewhere and talking about it in therapy just caused punishment. Me having problems and wanting to talk about them during therapy made her really really angry, again and again. My problems and her concept of therapy didn't match, instead of adjusting therapy to my needs she yelled and belittled me so that we'd do her thing. OCD was kind of an attempt of self help. Not the best, but still.
There were things I was not allowed to talk about in therapy at all, when I tried, she yelled or started hissing out of anger. I do not make this up.
Other things like my fear of being starved by my parents she commented with the words “you should not talk about that stuff” and a big smile. Her habit of smiling like a happy person, whenever I wanted to talk about bad stuff and she was able to say no to my wish, really knocked me out.

There were times when I really needed to talk about something in therapy and I begged to be allowed to do so. If i was lucky she gave me 3 minutes to talk about my problems, the rest of our time was spent on forcing me into mindfulness and positive thinking.
I had waited 9 month for that therapy, so I sticked to it. And there was some kind of trauma bonding or double bind I assume.
When I ended this therapy, I had to wait 15 month for the next one, because no therapist wanted to do therapy with a patient who had been retraumtized during therapy. What I got, was no trauma therapy, just “it's all your fault”.

Those therapists stole years and years of my life.
And I have to invest a lof of time into self help, that would not have been necessary without therapist abuse.
Yesterday I took a day off from working and I tapped with Click Track 1, 2,3,4, medium, wrapper and Cascade.
I run various PSTEC mp3s for a total of 18 times, because I wanted to make a huge step in the right direction. I know this is insane. I gave myself a break from self help today.
I first started using PSTEC in January 2015, had to stop, because I didn't want to loose my therapy because of using self help strategies, started again in november 2015 and have been tapping daily since then.
But still, I usually am not able to focus on one single memory until it's gone, because there still are that many things that need to be tapped. When I start the Click Tracks I just try to tap away whatever is on my mind or whatever hurts my soul without focussing on one particular event/memory/thing. I have to try again and again, until I am finally able to tap that one thing I intended to tap at a given time.

Usually I would not talk about that, instead I would try to hide all of that, the problems and how often I use self help, but I am tired of hiding that stuff and trying to be positive about all that. It has to be tapped away and finally be gone.

But
I am brave and I'll find my way out of this rabbit hole some day soon
Since I stopped therapy I have more energy to focus on working / job, and that is really a good thing.
I may have problems believing into a future, but I still believe in the fact, that I can get over obstacles. That is my thing and I stick to that.

[Author]

Posts