Childhood Conditioning – Anger – Abandonment – Death

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  • #22069
    AvatarScott Lambert
    PSTEC User

    I'm exploring a conditioned response to being criticized or judged as a child causing anxiety as an adult.

    I understand that being criticized or judged does not inherently cause anxiety, it's conditioning just like “Pavlov's Dog experiment”.

    I recall being criticized and judged was as a child by my parents when I didn't do what they wanted me to do. This was quite often as my father would “help me and teach” me through criticism. My mother was a very negative, judgemental and angry person in general.

    The anxiety is caused by the meaning I gave the criticism or judgement as a child, this is clear and here are my interpretations of the meanings I gave:

    1. When they were angry I didn't feel loved and so anger meant no love.
    2. Since I depended on them no love meant possible abandonment.
    3. Feeling the threat of abandonment meant no survival, and I would die.

    I did not reason this all out as a child, it all happened subconsciously and plays out each time I am criticized or judged now as an adult.

    Now For My Questions:

    1. Is conditioning simply replaying (stacking) the specific meaning I gave to the early criticism and judgement? Now criticism and judgement = death.

    2. What is the best way to clear this conditioning? Is it clearing the beliefs that prop it up, like knocking the legs out from a table? or is there more to it like a global or macro approach to the conditioning itself?

    Scott

    #26065
    AvatarBrian Tucker
    PSTEC User

    2. What is the best way to clear this conditioning? Is it clearing the beliefs that prop it up, like knocking the legs out from a table? or is there more to it like a global or macro approach to the conditioning itself?

    Scott

    Go back to parents as far back as you can remember hit criticism hard w the CT. Get super angry at it, resentful, then take the leftover feelings to a 0 or 1. Do each parent and also the parents doing it to each other as you saw that.

    Then possibly a PQT long track – belief:

    – criticism is completely safe as negative opinions are always unimportant from now on
    – when someone criticizes me I'm secure and unaffected as criticism doesn't matter now
    – everything people ever said about me was completely false as I forgive them all now
    – all judgement is always a false opinion that doesn't matter from now on

    Come back and let us know what is left over, if anything.

    #26066
    AvatarScott Lambert
    PSTEC User

    Cool, I'll do that.

    Thanks Brian

    #26067
    Paul McCabePaul McCabe
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi Scott,

    Thanks for your post.

    What Brian wrote and also BB:

    “Criticism is dangerous”
    “Criticism is scary”
    “I'm not safe”

    Put them into the past tense and “blast”  :)

    You can also run a long CT2015 on times when you have felt hurt, angry, anxious or scared when you were criticised…or times where you imagine you might be.

    With conditioning, you nailed it. That is how it plays out and making the distinction can make all the difference. Criticism would have been interpreted as a threat to your very survival.

    So, conditioning will show up as s triggered response. You probably would not say “I'm being criticised. My life is in danger”, but you may see it as a threat or feel sufficiently wounded by it.

    I used to go on the defensive any time I was ctiticised, but now feel OK about criticism. When these patterns collapse, you don't take yourself so seriously and can recognise criticism in its proper context. Sometimes people aren't even criticising. They are just lashing out because they feel frustrated.

    I appreciate I may seem like a broken record, but there is no “one way” with PSTEC or change. Some therapies decondition by Systematic Desensitisation, exposure etc. With PSTEC, you have so many options. If I was working on this, I'd go in this order:

    – Click Track the effects of criticism
    – Blast beliefs related to criticism or why you feel you are being criticised
    – Layer in the type of suggestions Brian referenced.

    All the best,

    Paul  :)


    Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner

    http://www.lifestyleforchange.com

    Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.

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    Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…

    #26068
    AvatarScott Lambert
    PSTEC User

    Great input!

    Thanks Paul

    #26069
    AvatarBrian Tucker
    PSTEC User

    With conditioning, you nailed it. That is how it plays out and making the distinction can make all the difference. Criticism would have been interpreted as a threat to your very survival.

    Paul has it and yes also I had many of these same issues it had also to do with a lower than a doormat self-worth. I would go into absolute paralyzed state at even the slightest perceived bit of conflict. You might also consider CT feelings of being extremely intimidated, threatened, arguing, conflict. These will weaken everything for an even bigger collapse. Keep going.

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