Clearing feeling that are bad but you don’t want to go away
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- August 6, 2018 at 5:19 pm#22098Mandeep GujralPSTEC User
I think there is a different path you should take for bad feelings that you want to clear and stuff that you feel is “justified”.
What do I mean by this?
Feelings that you want to clear are things like depression, anxious fears. These things make us feel bad the in the moment. These are easy to CT because you want to get rid of them in the moment!
Feelings that we feel are “justified” are things like “anger” or a specific “craving.” In the moment that I am angry, I feel it is “payback” or it is “justified.” It is NOT a sad feeling that I want to get rid of. It's only later when I found what I did I feel bad, not in the moment. You can sit there forever and visualize yourself getting angry or craving a food or something that is bad for you and the click track only works sometimes but the feeling comes back.
The solution for me is to fast forward, visualize myself getting angry let it play out in my head and then feel the feeling of regret or “what did I just do?” feeling right away. CT this regret feeling! Same with craving, let it play out in your head and then feel that regret, “what did I just do” feeling. Someone once told me that you wouldn't do stuff if your mind didn't have a secret pay-off. You have to show your mind that pay-off you think you are getting from “justified” anger is not real.
What do you guys think?August 7, 2018 at 4:04 am#26247Brian TuckerPSTEC User
In your example the feelings could be regret, they could also be guilt but also more importantly, shame. Definitely one reason why we do things unconsciously. Very powerful piece to add to a pattern and yes it does work wonders..thank you for sharing.August 8, 2018 at 10:09 pm#26248Paul McCabePSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator
Thanks for your insight.
You have a good methodology here.
I watched a documentary the other night called “One Killer Punch.” Its subject matter was broadly male violence, but specifically a pivotal moment where anger/fear takes over and results in someone striking out…and with fatal consequences.
Every one of these men felt the punch was justified, but soon came to regret this decision. Equally, I suspect, that without the benefit of hindsight they would have regretted walking away. They probably would have viewed this as a weakness.
Sometimes it can be a case of choosing “what will I regret less?” As you mentioned, people will only want to resolve a problem if they identify it as a problem.
The reality is that so much of what we regret depends on the meaning we attribute to events. In the moment, something might feel perfectly justified, but that seems to be based on meanings like “I'm being attacked”, “it is bad to back down”, “if I'm too calm, they'll exploit me.”
Lots of feelings are justified, but it does not mean they could not have very bad consequences. That is the distinction, I feel.
This decision to strike out tends to be based on an interpretation that someone's identity or survival is being threatened. This does not have to be a punch, but a sarcastic retort, an angry reply to an email, road rage or “fighting fire with fire.”
With PSTEC, if you clear all “anger-causing” events from your reality, you will tend to react differently anyway. When you make decisions from a position of calmness, a lot of the triggers will just disappear. All of them can disappear, if that is a desire.
Thanks again, Obstruktion.
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
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