Divorcing and cant quite get it gone

Forums General Discussions and Specific Issues Relationships and Rejection Divorcing and cant quite get it gone

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  • #21547
    AvatarJame315
    PSTEC User

    Hello all! First of all let me say; DAMN! This stuff is Hot! It has been very helpful in getting me unstuck from my wife but I cant seem to “finish it off”
    Here is my situation: We met 19 years ago and what should have stayed a casual thing got serious even though she was not really what I wanted from life. She cheated alot and for what ever reason I let it pass. She got pregnant and our daughter was born (Now 17) and the guy who used to live downstairs from me asked if she might be his.
    Anyway, a pattern emerged. We would break up, she would find someone right away. I would be destroyed over this and sit around feeling sad. They would break up and we would get back together. Repeat. Over and over. We married 13 years ago and 2 years age we started it again. We seperated and she found someone right away and it crushed me! They broke up, we tried it again, she dumped me for him again, they broke up and we got back together. I always isolate myself from my friends when I am with her so I never have a support network to help me through. To be honest we are not good for each other and have never been happy together. We love each other and I think she is a wonderful person but I dont want her back. HOWEVER, I find my self doing the dance again. We split 3 months ago and she started dating 3 guys last week and it KILLS me! Any idea what I'm holding onto and how to make it go away? What am I attached to? I have filed for divorce and am excited to finally finish this! I was never such a pathetic loser before her. I was very confident so I dont know where this comes from. The guy I used to be would never have put up with this crap!How do I lose the loser and get him back? Any suggestions as to where to aim would be appreciated!

    #23225
    Avataroz
    PSTEC User

    Hi Jame315
    You're in the middle of a break up so the situation is still developing. You still feel attachment and jealousy towards her. You can imagine her dating a guy and click track the feeling of it killing you. You could even imagine her with the 3 guys at once if that's more painful then could click track that. Maybe you could click track the attachment you have to her.

    Looking to yourself, to be honest, this failed relationship is just a symptom of the real problem which is that your character is underdeveloped.  You got serious with her just because, she cheats and not only do you let her get away with it, you still call her a 'wonderful' person. You isolate yourself from your friends(this is sign of a possible abusive relationship btw). There's a deficiency in your standards, your self-esteem, your self-respect, you've not been decisive, you let things happen rather than take responsibilty.

    You can click track your various fears, but the problem isn't just the negativity holding you back, there's an absense of healthy beliefs. You want to build up your character, become confident, mature, demand integrity etc. You can do it yourself, PP is a perfect tool for this, but I'd seriously recommend working with someone to help you design a healthy beliefset. Look at the register preferably, or maybe find a life coach.

    Good luck!

    #23226
    AvatarJame315
    PSTEC User

    Hey OZ.
    Thank you for the smack down you are right on track with all of this. PSTECH is an amazing tool and it has been helping me greatly through this. I have been focusing on my attachment to her and making progress, but I agree with you; I also need to focus on me, perhaps mostly on me. That is probably why I am “stuck”, I am focusing on the wrong person. Faster EFT teaches that its all about “us” and our reactions to others. I am going to turn the spotlight on me now, after all that is the only person I can change. I feel like I have been using all my energys to let go of “Her”, instead of 'Me letting go”.  I find I have been angry more then sad, and while that has more energy it is still not where I want to be. I want peace, with this and everything. I will try thinking of me when I use the CTs. Perhaps that will help clear these issues. Lots of work ahead! Any other advice will be well received.

    Thank you again!
    Jame

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