Fear of confrontation – Help needed – My Journey with PSTEC

[Brian TuckerPSTEC User]

Too many little irritations or unwanted emotions we experience in life are suppressed or explained away as “normal.” If you eliminate all irritations, even the “normal” ones that “everyone experiences”, the positive benefits accumulate…and you end up getting annoyed about very little. And then you work.on THAT!

Like you mention, that really is unlimited power. You are literally creating your experience of life.

It is a fantastic vibe and people seem to respond well to it. I am excited to discover where this path leads you.

Paul

I am doing precisely this. I was in reactive mode for a long time. Now I am finding bigger hidden things as I go but yet I feel so great already it just enhances it each time. And yes just annoying things I see now too I just think hey how easy would it be without that in my life.

These clicktracks alone are enabling me to literally reprogram my life as you say. I am reshaping my model of reality with each tap. Each session feels like a giant leap forward, a transformation in itself.

[Brian TuckerPSTEC User]

Today marks a major milestone for my journey. Earlier in the weekend I posted about a feeling of being “not good enough” when I visit my tailor. I clicktracked that and seems there was larger something tied to that. By pulling on that thread I unlocked hundreds and hundreds of experiences across my entire life of feeling “not good enough.” Just goes to show how the insignificant things are much more important than we think.

I realized that my entire life experience has been about attracting not good enough. Right in front of my face as big as it gets. That has been my entire life movie.

Essentially, I was programmed by my parents and grandparents to the core for my ego to tell me to think and feel not good enough and attract not good enough. Friends, social, job, colleagues, sports, school, relationships both social and intimate, even college roommates. All for my ego to make me feel not good enough about myself.

I have been bucking this all my entire life and I’m rather surprised I even made it this far along – grateful I did.

It was all a perfect match for my programming. I‘m just blown away how prevalent this was in my life right in front of my eyes. To match the theme my subconscious has sniffed out anything not good enough like a bloodhound and I go and stick right to it because that is familiar and where I need to be in pain since I am programmed for that.

I had already removed the “reject me” and “abandon me” stamps off my forehead but hey here is the largest and most obvious one hey “I’m not good enough” so come one over and treat me as such so I can feel not good enough about myself because that’s what I am programmed to do.

I just kept clicking and clicking for hours on these experiences. I am not quite done yet but the freedom I am feeling already is something that has to be experienced. Most all of the anger in my life I now see has been a defense mechanism to “not good enough” where I attack others to try to prove I am good enough.

I also see where not good enough programs play in the past and present experiences with my spouse everywhere. So many things she says and does now all make sense, day in and out purely run by her programs and projecting on me to make me feel not good enough so she can feel good enough about herself.

I also see why she “picked” me – who felt not good enough – because she herself is programmed to not feel not good enough “I never felt good enough” “I feel like no matter what I do it’s never enough” so what a perfect match “Hey, I will feel good enough if I am with this guy.” I of course see the same program in her mom as in her and also in my daughter picking guys that are full of chaos she goes out with them because they make her feel “good enough”. She has it from my wife and me both.

Today this will be all behind me. I will no longer think, feel or be not good enough by default. Life changes in an instant and here we go. The new reality is here and it will be fanfrickintastic.

I am good enough.

WOOO HOOO! FREE FROM THE CHAINS OF THE PAST! LET FREEDOM RING!!

Not only that but I feel like I weigh a few pounds, light as a feather. I may have to start wearing a weighted vest lol.

[Brian TuckerPSTEC User]

Today I came up with some more “not good enough” feelings and also the word “victim” came to mind and all of a sudden so many feelings associated with being a victim came into play.

I clicktracked them and all I can say is I am so used to feeling like I am not good enough I am adjusting to this new me as everything in my subconscious reshuffles.

I also notice so many anger reactions I had previously are now non-existent as there is nothing there to protect me from any longer.

It's as if something is missing from my life and I am looking for those thoughts and feelings but they are not there! LOL

[Brian TuckerPSTEC User]

Today I picked up a nice one to clear. I saw in another post where someone mentioned to click the urgency and frustration feelings of trying to clear a particular feeling that was being “stubborn” to remove.

I have had this a few times on some feelings that took rather long to clear and had one yesterday that resulted in that so I decided today that as I was clearing if I had that feeling again I was going to just shift to it and remove it which happened in today's session.

That seems like something important – having a negative feeling about clearing a negative feeling LOL

It also unlocked lots of feelings of “urgency” and wanting to hurry up and get things done or be past something without any patience and/or frustration.

So now that I have cleared this, I am intrigued to see what my new reality will be like without these negative feelings.

[Brian TuckerPSTEC User]

The last 48 hours for me have been a major shift in various feelings I have been clearing over the last week.

It feels like there is an emotional taffy pulling machine inside me. The thoughts and feelings just churn around all through my body as if everything is just reshuffling itself.

I have had this several times along the way but never to this level. It would appear that the “not good enough” feelings are really taking time to rewire and shift out.

The swarming and ever-changing cocktail of feelings became so strong last night I was in bed awake for 7 hours just letting it all pass. On a scale of 1-10 they were at an overwhelming 11 each one at times.

I would not consider this painful or scary because I know what is going on and just allow whatever is happening within, not fight it but instead allow it and go with it. I know that none of this is real and that I am safe, I am just laying in my bed with my two cats hehe.

It's as if my programs and egos are hanging on for one last hurrah before their death. It feels like that part of my ego is dying as my true self shines past my negative programmed feelings.

Last night was the peak and today I am still emotionally swirling and churning. I did listen to a relaxing accelerator this morning to see if it would calm it and it did a bit.

I also programmed in my first affOrmation last night “Why am I good enough?” and it really felt good when it was in there. I can see where these new thoughts and feelings are kicking in as the old goes out. It's almost as if I am in a giant tipping point that is teeter tottering across all areas of my life from these “not good enough” feelings and experiences and it is taking a few days for it to tip all the way permanently.

I did not clicktrack yesterday and do not plan to do so again until this all settles down. More to come.

Ironically, I have listened to two interview recordings – one is with a guy named Gary http://pstecaudiosource.org/3918/gary about ADHD and I have realized I have the same situations that he had

and also the recordings with Will  http://pstecaudiosource.org/468/pstec-interview-wil which talk about the clearing and taking the time off and wow what an excellent recording. I see the same things in the clearing and how intense it is at times. He talks about “taking out a big splinter” haha that is so true and a great way to describe it as it can be rather intense at times but I do know that after this passes I am clear and take a huge leap forward!

[Brian TuckerPSTEC User]

Quick update: I have not done any clicktracking for 7 days now. This is the first time I have had to stop down to take a break in three months. I went through a very intense 5 days of shifting.

During those 5 days I only listened to the “no more anger” track daily and also the relaxing accelerators twice a day when things were shifting at what I believed to be their strongest moments.

On the 6th day I noticed things were shifting all the time but the intensity of the process reduced dramatically and slowed down as to it's “churning” throughout my body. Everything that I had been working on for the previous week with respect to “not good enough” and all else is non-existent.

While I waited for the shifting to pass I also listened to a few recordings:

I picked up the panic attack sessions. I do not really have panic attacks but I will say these recordings at $25 are great to listen to regardless if you have panic attacks. http://pstecaudiosource.org/panic-attacks

I also listened to Peter's recordings with Jeff: http://pstecaudiosource.org/2653/depression-suicide which were also very helpful. Thank you, Peter for this.

I noticed in the recordings I listened to with “Wil” mentioned in my last post that he said he would have “intense” shifting/releasing going on and he would have to take breaks for 8-9 days. Jeff gave the recommendation to listen to the relaxing accelerators which Wil said he was not doing. There is also a good discussion about the different accelerators in the panic attack sessions.

What I picked up from these recordings is that most “normal” people only run maybe 2-3 passes of the click tracks a day on a given issue, if they even can find the time and discipline at that. I on the other hand, have been running clicktrack sessions anywhere between 2-6 hours a day across multiple feelings (sometimes hundreds of similar feelings and experiences if I am running the wrapper) for the last three months. It's no wonder why the intensity I am experiencing when releasing all of this is so strong and at times can be mentally and emotionally – physically –  overwhelming. It seems like (for me anyway) there is an immediate effect where the feeling goes way down for the most part but then right about a week later I go through a process for each one where it releases itself and right before it does it creates a strong inner struggle both mentally and physically with thoughts and feelings associated with it one last time before it goes away (dies) forever.

I suppose the only way to minimize this would be to slow down but it had never really been borderline unbearable until this last time around and I guess that's because the “not good enough” feelings I had were so strong, old and prevalent throughout my life. It seems like the bigger the belief the more intense the release and is dependent on how fast you clear it. For example on the “not good enough” feelings I spent about 6 hours in a day and then a few the next wiping those out with a load of tapping accelerator use mixed in. This may have taken a “normal” person a few weeks to clear out given they only run 2-3 tracks a day.

This last round has not completely shifted in yet but what I can say for sure is the “not good enough” and many other feelings, some of which I intended to clicktrack but haven't yet, are completely gone. It would seem as if I have hit a major tipping point that encompasses everything I have done in the last two weeks and I continue to be blown away by what what I am already experiencing as a result of this break. There are so many things that existed in my life just days ago that are gone now. I try to think of any of them and they are faint, if that and have no meaning or feelings whatsoever. I can feel the shifts as I try to recall feelings from a few hours ago and feel them just get weaker and weaker throughout the day. I have other random flashes of past memories coming into my mind throughout the day and I will think “Oh i should write that down” and then about a minute later I try to think of it and the feeling and it's already gone and I can't recall it whatsoever.

I even have a feeling of “I can't believe this, it can't really be gone” and so I am going to clicktrack that next.

[Jeff HardingPSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator]

Mahalo for sharing not only your use of PSTEC but also how you are reacting.
All very helpful for those wondering if certain reactions, both mental and physical as well as spiritual, are normal.  The answer is obvious … yes, they are.

Shifting your emotional attachments and aversions as well as beliefs and behaviors … the entire mind model … can be quite dramatic, especially as you are relating that you have some very, very strongly held beliefs supporting the old mind model that is limiting.

Good job!!!
Keep up not only the clicking, but also looking at yourself and the world with those new lenses… those new perceptions … because not only is it freeing as you said, but also in can be a lot of fun!!

Malama Pono (take care, be Right)

[Brian TuckerPSTEC User]

Back again – Took some time off to let things all shake out and then did a little clicktracking for a few days.

I am really starting to see things big picture as to what has been going on in my life.

As I mentioned before, I had already cleared a lot of things going on in my intimate and personal relationships that were associated with my subconscious seeking a match to my stepmother and father.

Then I uncovered “not god enough” going on which I have really went after and for the most part don't feel much of it anymore.

Last week, I was working on a feeling and it took me back all the way to the 3rd grade of an experience that I would never have considered but it is certainly the experience that created the belief around “I am a fraud” and so I now see this pattern woven through my entire life with the “I'm not good enough”.

So I had a few more clicktrack sessions and had some other feelings and realized that these are around needing to do things quickly and everything perfectly, because it seems that I have some sort of compensating belief that if I do things perfectly I will be loved/accepted/approved by others. So of course this also feeds into the procrastination issues I was having due to fear of not being perfect and then being rejected for not being so. Then I feel like I am not good enough and/or a fraud.

So if you take a bigger look at this you can see the infinite loop in my model of reality that would nearly drive a person insane.

Not good enough/i am a fraud —> Perfection to be accepted, loved, approved —> rejection —> Not good enough/i am a fraud  With some procrastination all mixed in there.

On top of that I have also come to the realization that I have some serious habitual anger problems. So much so it was normal for me and I could not see it. I have been using the anger loop and no more anger tracks and yesterday I had an epiphany using these of which I posted here: http://pstecforum.com/pf/tell-us-about-your-pstec-story/anger-packages/msg3452/?topicseen#new and the results I am seeing are immediate and phenomenal both in myself and others I interact with, especially family members.

I have since started using the procrastination thought loop in the similar way to remove situations where I become procrastinated due to this need to be perfect and then fear of not being perfect and being rejected. So far I am seeing some progress.

I have also tested using affOrmations with PSTEC Positive/ Extra Positive and Accelerators (as Sally Baker had recommended) and had some wonderful results.
http://pstecforum.com/pf/questions-on-pstec-products/using-pstec-positive-with-afformations/

Finally, I picked up the Think and Grow Rich series and have started using the creative thought loop and the hypno persistence tracks already. I will provide more of an update as I get going with this package in another thread but I wanted to incorporate those tracks into my routine and I can say they are wonderful.

[Brian TuckerPSTEC User]

So 9 days later it seems like suddenly I am able overall clear things so much quicker and easier.

I started using the “why technique” http://pstecforum.com/pf/confused-and-not-sure-where-to-start/why-technique/msg3459/?topicseen#new and no matter if I am starting with a tapping accelerator track or an emotional click track, within a minute or so of repeatedly asking “why” it begins revealing the event(s) associated with the emotion. Eventually, I will recall the original event or flashes of things and usually when that happens it disappears quickly. Often times there may be hundreds of events tied to these and then suddenly taking me back to the original and so many of these events are the most random things that I would never think have anything to do with them but hey there they are and then it's gone.

Using this technique has drastically cut down the amount of time to clear because it seems by getting to the original event(s) it takes it right out in a fraction of what I was spending before.

I also had a little more clarity on the perfection feelings. I realized how many thoughts and feelings of overwhelm, being in a rush and racing thoughts with feelings I had so I just changed things up to work on those a bit and I have noticed overall my general emotional state has turned down in intensity considerably.

I am now able to go into situations that would have in a previous model overwhelmed me emotionally and caused all sorts of triggers to kick in whereas now I am able to easily brush them off and so many situations where I go in and I am not emotionally affected at all.

I also had two situations where I had similar emotions swirling in me for a day or two but would not clear. One was various feelings of “not good enough” another was the feelings of perfection. On both of these I just ran the wrapper track one time and focused on what feelings were moving all around and then ran the long relaxational accelerator and within a few minutes it all collapsed. More freedom!

[Brian TuckerPSTEC User]

Last weekend I realized how much emotional click tracking I had done (several hundred hours) in the last few months.

I took a break for about 6 days to let things just settle down as I had been going through some strong emotional shifts.

At this point things were relatively stable I decided to install some positive beliefs over the weekend. What started out as a small session snowballed into an mad scientist experiment of installing 45 beliefs over the course of 3 days.

I started by installing a few around being “calm and relaxed” and the next day I moved to a profound level of feeling calm and relaxed. It as if someone waved a magic wand over me and I was healed. Never have I felt like this before. So hey, I figured I might as well install some more.

After the 3rd day of installing, the amount of shifting within me was extremely intense, so much I pretty much stayed in bed for a day. I had intense shifting for two more days thereafter and just went with it. It took another two days after that of minor shifting before I was stable again.

The result has been astonishing. I never imagined I could feel like I do now. I am like a completely new human being in so many aspects of my life I can't even begin to list them.

The result of this has changed my awareness so much I was able to finally feel and see what is going on at the root of my existence. It all has to do with Shame – Toxic shame, shame based thinking and behavior. It has essentially caused me to lose my self identity and I have found pretty much all of the beliefs and patterns have been created in my life as a result of it. Not only this but the patterns of people I have attracted in my life.

I'm going to take some time to document everything I have discovered and will provide it in the next post.

I will put this out there so others can have a fair warning up front. I don't see why anyone can't program in as many beliefs as they want in a day BUT I would suggest they keep them all around one or two areas they want to focus on and keep then very tight for example 1.) loving yourself and 2.) being loveable or another example might be around 1.) feeling safe and secure and 2.) calm and relaxed in tense situations.

As mentioned, what I experienced was very intense, to the point I don't think the average Joe would want to encounter. It could be physically and mentally debilitating/maddening. My belief is that it was caused by not only the number of beliefs by the wide variety of beliefs. I can't imagine how much recalibrating of the subconscious this caused.

Each of these were programmed in at least once with either pstec positive, extra positive, an accelerator or multiples of each.

Here are the beliefs I installed:

I am calm and relaxed all of the time
I feel calm and relaxed in all situations
I am always calm and relaxed
I love myself more every day
I love myself all of the time
I am grateful for everything in my life
I am happy all the time
I am comfortable in all situations
I am comfortable with myself all the time
I am always safe and secure
I am fearless in all situations
I am safe and secure when I am at work
I am more calm and relaxed every day
I am fearless and confident when I am at work
I am a good person
I am ok with who I am
I am proud of who I am
I am proud of myself
I am proud of my accomplishments
I am perfect the way I am now
I appreciate myself
It's easy being me
I always think positively
Everything about me is easy
I am always having fun
I am a fun person
I am having fun all the time
I can have fun doing anything
I can always find good meaning in everything
My world takes care of me
Everything in my life is easy
My job is easy
My life is easy
My success at work is effortless
I am a successful and accomplished executive
I am worthy of success
I am worthy of my successes
I can now be ok with selling
Selling is good for me
Selling is temporary and helps me succeed
Selling is easy
I am successful at work
I appreciate my job
I am successful

I will be back with my refocused approach to my new findings. This is going to be fun and WONDERFUL to be free from!

[Author]

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