Fear of confrontation – Help needed – My Journey with PSTEC
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Brian Tucker
I am still pulling together my summary on the shame and my negative beliefs associated with it which I will post soon enough.
I continued working on the shame feelings and they seemed to be stubborn to remove.
I had a thought to try something different and tap with my feet and in one play of an accelerator and two rounds of clicktrack it all collapsed and disappeared!
So if you have something that is stubborn and/or you have been clicking with your hands a long time, try using your feet it made a considerable difference.
Paul McCabe
Hi Plus1g,
Glad you are making great progress. Great job with the Positive suggestions too. Have those suggestions continued to bear out in your daily life?
You have made a great point about the tapping.
I had only tried tapping my feet once but, in order to “stretch” the PSTEC process, I tend to vary the (hand) tapping points – sometimes tapping on the thigh, collarbone, temporal bone or even just the air. There might be some hidden benefits about using acknowledged accupressure points.
It is not something I had suggested to others, but I can appreciate why mixing up the tapping points creates greater variety and flexibility.
Paul
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
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Brian Tucker
A few days ago I decided to paint one of the rooms in my house. Well, I say decided but it was the decisiveness that was the issue! Because I have cleared so many things out, it became very apparent to me that I have a HUGE self-sabatoging perfection program running in me. This became evident when I tried to pick the paint colors, then did not feel happy with the shades, then obsessively second guessing myself as to should I choose a different color, repaint it etc. and then not being able to ask someone for help, then feeling helpless and then beating myself up for not being able to make a decision and feeling overwhelmed.
So I suddenly thought, hey what a perfect opportunity to clear this from my life! It has taken a few sessions and the release of it has been rather intense – to the point where I have felt physically toxic for a few days as it has been unwinding. I tapped on those toxic feelings and it did help quite a bit.
Today I can barely feel it working in me and I also felt it fade away over the last few days. What a difference I am feeling overall now! This behavior is also contributing to my shame beliefs that I have been referring to, yes, summary IS coming as soon as I am done painting!
Once I finished clearing that I started to program in a few positive beliefs to counter it and had a strong feeling of doubt so I decided to clicktrack that and wow that opened up another can of worms of doubt and self-doubt. Plan to let that shake out and will be back with an update.
Brian Tucker
Alright so it's been a few weeks. About a week ago I had a huge collapse and just feel amazing.
I have continued to work on the shame feelings. Today I finally have them down so low I probably just need to wait a few days for it to disappear. I have also been working on self-doubt which also is barely even there. I would say on both of these another session and a little time and they will be gone. The shame was stubborn and has required a lot of sessions to remove but hey it has been there for 40+ years!
Along with the big collapse I was really able to see what has been going on in my intimate relationship. As I mentioned that I saw so many similarities in my marriage with my father and stepmother, yesterday I realized that I am actually deeply afraid of my spouse. No reason other than the fear that I always had of my stepmother as a kid. I subconsciously attracted exactly what I experienced as a kid and so all of the anger I had towards my spouse was actually me defending myself against the perception of her being a threat as if she were my stepmother. There was also fear of intimacy, embarrassment of being around her which are exactly what I had with my stepmother. There was another program I found where I recently embarrassed to be with my spouse around my mother which is the EXACT same feeling I had when 1.) I used to be embarrassed to be around my stepmother when my mother was around and 2.) I would be embarrassed to bring any girls – especially my first girlfriend – because my stepmother was against them and put fear in them and me. It has also been very eye opening to see the fear, obligation and guilt (F.O.G) my spouse has used on me is identical to the same her mother used on her PLUS identical to that my stepmother used on me!
I also see now that based on family…My wife's father was controlled by his mother. He then married a controlling woman. They divorced at about 20 years when he moved back in with his mother and lived with her while having two more controlling relationships for years and then moved in with a very controlling woman. On my side of the family my father was dominated by my high control stepmother so naturally my wife is programed to see a spouse she can control and I am programmed to be controlled.
Now that I am really becoming aware and free from all of this I can see the behaviors changing in my relationship almost immediately as I am learning to live without the anger, fears and other destructive thoughts and feelings. It is all stopping around me.
I was able to reveal all of this stuff using the “why technique” and I just continue using it more and more because it works so well and makes things so easy.
I will be back in a few days with an update that I have been promising.
Brian Tucker
Last night I felt amazing as the shame feelings were down to insignificant levels. I woke up this morning feeling awful. Felt completely toxic. I decided to come downstairs and have a cup of coffee and some water and sit it out. A few hours later it seemed like the shame feeling was back again so I decided to work on it a bit. As I was working on it I used the “why method” a bit and all of a sudden the statement “I am a loser” flies into my head and these very strong past experiences and feelings come in specifically of beings loser. I keep clicking and clicking and it fades significantly and then I think “I am a failure” and a feeling so slightly similar comes into me with loads of thoughts of failing.
It is amazing how similar but different the feelings of “I am a loser” vs “I am a failure” are!
Regardless, I clear them both and about 5 hours later holy cow what a difference it was like these two had been down below there all along and the shame is completely gone along with those two feelings. It just gets better and better.
Brian Tucker
The toxic shame is gone. I ran across a few other feelings and beliefs and have been using an extended version of the “why technique” and how this is done is here —-> http://pstecforum.com/pf/confused-and-not-sure-where-to-start/why-technique/msg3566/#msg3566
I have also realized that I had a core program around “you can't trust anyone” or”I can't trust anyone” this is just a whopper that has effected all areas of my life. Imagine having a default like this and broadcasting an energy “I don't trust you” right out of the gate. Heavily guarded and even rejecting everyone you come into contact with. AMAZING to be free from this right in front of my face the whole time.
For the first time in my life I feel “free” and “normal” if there is such a thing.
Brian Tucker
Whatever has collapsed with the toxic shame has really allowed me to see some new things. It is as if have moved to the next level of the video game of reality.
Today I removed all sorts of negative charges from memories I had that were around the following beliefs:
I am weak
I am inferior
Something is wrong with meFor something is wrong with me I had so many feelings and actually see myself always pointing out what is wrong with other people so of course I am doing that to psychologically protect myself.
Now that these thoughts and feelings are all released it is astounding how I feel. I have a level of inner stillness and inner peace I could never have imagined possible.
I will also say that the ability to clear has seemed to become faster and easier and also I have noticed that all of the very long and intense side effects of releasing have pretty much subsided. Now when I clear a few things I can feel them release in about 24 hours time and there is really little to no discomfort whereas before it could stay for a week. I also started using the “emotional cleanser” track on the intense feelings of release as it says this can be done in the instructions. It REALLY works well.
I also cleared out spiteful feelings associated with “I show them” I'll prove it to them” – reason I thought of this because there is nothing I need to prove to anyone. Also all sorts of feelings of desperation.
Brian Tucker
Alright now we are getting to the good stuff. I realized I still had some field hatred and anger laying around so I clicktracked “I hate myself” feelings wow what a difference. Then I realized ai have some negative thoughts and feelings about money, (always broke, not making enough, not having enough, afraid to spend etc.) Most of my money programs come from when my mom was single and barely scraping by. So I cleared out those feelings and I took a break for a while. As I was driving along I suddenly realized I have a huge fear of lack aka “not enough” also called fear of scarcity. Another program so obvious and widespread in my reality just running 24×7 and now I see how ridiculous it was and how it controlled me down to my core! More freedom!
Brian Tucker
Continuing to use the “why technique” I have discovered:
- All of the behavior with respect to people paying me late, hassling me on money, failing to pay etc in my business all come from my first experience with business which was a paper route at 10 years old. I was required to collect the monthly revenue from customers and this is how they treated me. All I am doing is just replaying that programming and energy that was installed just as I should.
I had a feeling of always wanting to be in a hurry and leave home. I use the technique and realized it goes back to my father and grandfather raerely being home and of they were my grandfather was either drinking or my father was watching tv or busy in the yard aka not present. I find that the feeling is for me to do exactly what they did. Get back to work or go find something to do and not be present. A perfect passed on program.
I had a feeling of embarrassment – clicktracked it and remembered a long lost feeling of my father introducing me to everyone he knew and how much I resented that. I kept clicktracking and realized I had some fears of embarrassment and people making fun of me. 10 days ago I bought No More Anxiety track and after 10 plays have discovered I have a social anxiety disorder with tone of thoughts and feelings – I am removing them as they come. The No More Anxiety Track is phenomenal and would have never thought I had this because I am a very social person. All of this stems back to my father.
I noticed when speaking with my mother I have an odd feeling that I cannot look her in the eyes and that I am in a hurry to end the conversation or tuning her out. I have had this as long as I can remember. I was never clear enough to isolate it until today I was able to. This led to all sorts of feelings related to social anxiety and I saw a massive pattern across all sorts of thoughts and feelings..
I had a lot of anger and resentment towards my father and stepmother as they really were controlling when I was a child. Started clicktracking on that and suddenly was taken to realize I have never let go of any of that and developed a belief and rebelling behaviors that I have carried my whole life “I am a rebel” holds a monstrous charge in me and I see the pattern over and over again in my life. I removed all of the thoughts and feelings and wow what a difference. Imagine how this resistance had disabled me in all aspects of my life.
I also discovered a massive victim programming and pattern of being “wronged”. I removed all of those thoughts and feelings too.
I was mowing my lawn yesterday and was overcome by the deepest and darkest depression feelings I have ever had in my life and had not experienced these in 15 years. I stopped mowing, ran an accelerator tapping, one long 2015, one more accelerator tapping and a second 2015 long. It was completely gone. I will never have to ever experience that in my reality again.
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The “why technique” is absolutely golden and allows us to quickly see things we would have never been able to consciously see. I am so grateful for these tracks and this technique. At this time, other than small things that pop up or those things I go looking for, I am in absolutely ZERO pain on a day to day basis. I feel like I am a feather pushing an anvil through life. With this technique there is nothing to “look for” simply focus on the feeling and ask why and it will take you to some of the largest negative and self-destructive patterns in your life that you otherwise would have never been able to see.
I am finding that it is really not so much about the belief as it is what you saw and the energy feelings that were installed in you at the time. Some of these don't even have a belief they are just feelings aka energy tied to memories.
I mentioned in some earlier posts I have recently been clicking on things that are “pain” or feel like “crying”. I have noticed a definitive pattern of this the further I go with my journey and pull off the layers using the clicktracks daily.
Eckhart Tolle refers to this as the “pain-body” aka ego in his book “The Power of Now”. What I see happening here is by using the clicktracks I am dissolving the pain body.
From Eckhart Tolle:
As long as you are unable to access the power of the Now, every emotional pain that you experience leaves behind a residue of pain that lives on in you. It merges with the pain from the past, which was already there, and becomes lodged in your mind and body. This, of course, includes the pain you suffered as a child, caused by the unconsciousness of the world into which you were born.
This accumulated pain is a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind. If you look on it as an invisible entity in its own right, you are getting quite close to the truth. It’s the emotional pain-body. It has two modes of being: dormant and active. A pain-body may be dormant 90 percent of the time; in a deeply unhappy person, though, it may be active up to 100 percent of the time. Some people live almost entirely through their pain-body, while others may experience it only in certain situations, such as intimate relationships, or situations linked with past loss or abandonment, physical or emotional hurt, and so on. Anything can trigger it, particularly if it resonates with a pain pattern from your past. When it is ready to awaken from its dormant stage, even a thought or an innocent remark made by someone close to you can activate it.
Some pain-bodies are obnoxious but relatively harmless, for example like a child who won’t stop whining. Others are vicious and destructive monsters, true demons. Some are physically violent; many more are emotionally violent. Some will attack people around you or close to you, while others may attack you, their host. Thoughts and feelings you have about your life then become deeply negative and self-destructive. Illnesses and accidents are often created in this way. Some pain-bodies drive their hosts to suicide.
When you thought you knew a person and then you are suddenly confronted with this alien, nasty creature for the first time, you are in for quite a shock. However, it’s more important to observe it in yourself than in someone else. Watch out for any sign of unhappiness in yourself, in whatever form — it may be the awakening pain-body. This can take the form of irritation, impatience, a somber mood, a desire to hurt, anger, rage, depression, a need to have some drama in your relationship, and so on. Catch it the moment it awakens from its dormant state.
The process I see consistently – and specifically using the “why technique” is first there is a feeling, that feeling is clicked on and eventually that feeling turns into the root feeling and the memories, if we continue clicking on this, it will then turn into some sort of pain or reveal some sort of pain shortly thereafter (through use of the accelerators) and once that pain is nearly gone a feeling of crying comes up. Once that feeling of pain is clicked through it is absolutely cleared to the core and typically comes with a lot of yawning.. The feeling for it being cleared reminds me of exactly how we behave as a child. We have a very hard cry and at the end we are exhausted, yawning and then we sleep. I found an amazing resource to really help dive into and understand the process as well as what the CT actually help us do by clearing. I would suggest to read every page of this website and to keep it as a reference.
http://www.cyquest.com/pathway/tool2.html
In short, the CTs enable us to proactively release the stored memories and pain and dissolve the pain body that is causing us to do all sorts of wacky things. The beauty is we don't have to wait until it happens or be able to see it we can use the “why technique” to ask our subconscious to guide us there and reveal it to us.
Essentially through using the “why technique” I am able to start with nothing but a feeling, then get to the root cause, have the pattern revealed to me by my sub an then through clicking remove the feeling, the pain and facilitate “crying”. When I am finished I feel like I have cried and have the same yawning reactions and exhaustion as if I had a massively good cry.
One other thing I have noticed. The 2015 tracks are exactly as Tim says – more powerful and gentle – than the basic and eef tracks. I really notice this after when I am releasing as the intensity with the basic and eef can be uncomfortable when doing multi-hour sessions daily. Also DO NOT skip pact the introductions. I have heard of people doing this. I can feel a noticeable difference when listening to the beginning especially on 2015 tracks sometimes the feelings start to clear before the intro is even complete.
Brian Tucker
A few more programs I have discovered and removed using the “why technique”
A distinct negative “feeling” when someone suggested that I do something to progress my career and/or better myself and even encouraged me to do so. The feeling was “i don't know about that, that's not what I want to do, that doesn't sound like a good idea, what if I fail, what if people make fun of me. that's not me, that's doesn't sound cool” i clicked on the feelings and sure enough it was traced back to a track coach in high school that used to walk me down to the record board every day and encouraged me that I could break a 30 year old record (which I did). Identical feelings, thoughts and scenario – I have just repeated it in life over and over and it has absolutely prevented me from growing.
A feeling of “procrastination” yes well it is was a fear but instead a program to do everything I want to do except what I am supposed to be doing. Clicked on the feeling again using the why technique and it took me right back to the 8th grade. In this time I was not doing my homework, poor grades and always in trouble, I had unacceptable grades and I was rebelling against my parents. I developed a pattern there of doing everything fun or not associated with my responsibilities first and procrastinate still thereafter or even refuse to do it. Then was the feeling of aw screw it I am already in trouble it doesn't matter at this point. Then I would get behind and get in trouble. My mother also grounded me for 6 months until my grades came up. Every day I had to come home and sit at a desk behind the door in her bedroom and stay there until my homework was done. I refused to do the homework, rebelled, stalled, delayed, made excuses etc. When I clicked on this feeling all of these memories and thoughts came up. All gone. and this was something I struggled with day in and out. I was just doing what I was programmed to do in the past as a kid.
Helplessness and powerlessness – Again revealed using the technique from events surrounding divorce, living in a new home with brothers and sisters, feeling trapped, stuck, powerless to change my situation so I just accept it and live with it. – This playing out over and over in my job, my finances, my relationships – suffering in excruciating pain of being stuck trapped, powerless and helpless. All gone now.
As I kept clicking on the previous item, it took me to some deep pain as it was a time that I “escaped” all of this and decided to move in with my father and had to go through the pain of leaving my mother at 12 years old. I had not even looked at this but the events surrounding it were extremely emotional and took me a while to clear. There were feelings of fear, frustration, hatred, anger, crying and just pure pain. All of it is gone now and the relief I have is amazing. I believe these last three have been way down at the core and fueling a lot of the pain I had at work.
Victim programming – All from being in a band when I was a freshman in high school. The other members of the band decided they wanted to replace me “ganged up on me” “behind my back” and did so. That event led to an extreme energy of being cheated being the victim, anger, resentment etc. All of it is gone now and I couldn't play the victim if I wanted to.
Temporary jobs or jobs where I am treated “second class”, lots of moves and temporary living arrangements and/or fear of moving aka change – This all went back to the way my stepmother and father treated me – Second hand clothes, sleeping on hardwood floor in a sleeping bag, bedroom in the garage, excluded from vacations (I never take a vacation because I was excluded or don't feel worthy of one because my mother and stepfather never took one we did not have the money – another one on my list to to remove) – That I am a problem, nuisance, irritation and they do the bare minimum to get him by so we can get him out of here.
All of these programs in the last few posts do not have a “belief” statement aka “I am now ____ ” with them. They are nothing but patterns from previous events that I am playing over and over again but could never begin to see them or was subconsciously protected form going there. They are “instructions” with “energies” that were installed deep into my subconscious due to the events as a child, all of which I never would have looked at or thought to look at. The only thing I had to go on was a negative “feeling” and using the “why technique”. This technique allows you to see everything in yourself which otherwise you could not. It reveals ALL of our blind spots and massive negative self sabotaging patterns in our life. With this technique a person can become unlimited and unstoppable. You feel the negative feeling and use the technique to remove it from your reality.
I have been clicktracking a couple hours a day for about 7 months now and using other various tools as described here in this post. (No more anger, no more anxiety, various hypno tracks and thought loops) It has been worth EVERY SINGLE TAP. I can imagine there are people who have tried this and did not see any results. PSTEC is just like going to the gym. You go once, don't see results and quit. Maybe you half-way do is without commitment and don't really see a lot of results. You could do it every day for an hour and using the “why technique” you will absolutely see results in no time at all. A few hours a day for 6 months and you will be like an Olympic champion!
There were times I would get frustrated, I would clear that, There were times I would get scared I was going crazy, I cleared that. I would think what if I have really broken something in my mind here, what if I am doing some irreversible frankstein damage LOL. There were times I thought I was being obsessive about doing to much and clicking on every little thing was way over the top, I didn;t listen to myself and instead I cleared that. There were times I felt obsessive, I cleared that. Times when I felt horribly depressed, GONE exhausted and tired GONE even on the brink of giving up GONE, feeling stuck GONE – I clicktracked those feelings too! There were times I was releasing so much emotion and so intensely I could not function FOR DAYS. I listened to the relaxing accelerators sometimes a few times a day just to get through it and even used the Hypnotic Emotional Cleanser track to help with relief to get me though it. Just as Tim describes, it was the times when I really was under intensity that each time it was a breakthrough and immediately got easier when it passed. I just kept going and going.
I cannot begin to list the number of things in my life that have stopped “out there” as a result of me clearing these things and it will only continue to get better.
By incorporating the “why technique” I am now able to see what I was blind to, understand what it was in my past that was causing it AND remove the ROOT negative thoughts and feelings from the past (energies) that were retransmititng to attract and replay the negative self-sabatoging patterns over and over again. There is no way I could have ever seen any of this before. I was blown away when I came across many social anxiety issues I would never in a million years thought I had. As a result of clearing these fears of embarrasment, people making fun of me, laughing at me I have experienced all sorts of other social behaviors like cracking jokes, innuendos, sarcasm, interrupting, blurting out etc have disappeared and do not exist in me anymore and there is no thought to even do so or consciously try not to do it. They were crippling me day in and out and I just thought it was “normal”. In fact, I kept saying to myself over all the years “Something is wrong with me, I am not right and I have not felt really good and normal since high school” and I have good feelings now that I have not felt since High School. So many issues I attributed to “ADHD” are all now gone – all of theme were fears or some programs from past events that were just running in the present. Now because I am able to see these massive patterns through instant greater awareness, I am both surprised and relieved when I am able to see it and what caused it. I just laugh as I see it and experience the newfound relief as I feel it fade into oblivion.
This technique removes the guesswork and will always take you to the original thoughts and feelings aka “root” which allows someone to make progress in a fraction of the effort – much easier and faster.
All of the major day to day pain I was suffering day in and out for 35 years is gone now. Any and all pain associated with intimate relationships present and past is gone.
I feel free! I feel empowered!
I am to the point now where I am moving forward in life at a wonderful pace and using the CT to remove any new barriers caused by negative feelings that come up in my day to day with work, money, friends etc. I have been using two of the Think and Grow Rich tracks (creative imagination loop and hypno persistance) for about two months now and they are amazing. I am now going to incorporate the Think and Grow Rich click tracks to burn in my list of desires aka “what I want” straight into my subconscious using pictures, storyboards and “I have” phrases.
As it goes to say, if we are living on 95-99% subconscious thoughts and behavior patterns then why not just program the instructions deep into the subconscious using the tools and let the plane fly itself to your successful destination on autopilot rather than trying to fly it manually using affirmations and doing routines day in and out.
- All of the behavior with respect to people paying me late, hassling me on money, failing to pay etc in my business all come from my first experience with business which was a paper route at 10 years old. I was required to collect the monthly revenue from customers and this is how they treated me. All I am doing is just replaying that programming and energy that was installed just as I should.
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