Gameplan to work on blushing issue

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  • #21887
    AvatarAlexander
    PSTEC User

    Hello

    I have seen some results from using the free click tracks but I haven't commited fully to usng Pstec but now I have decided to go for it. I can commit 30-60 minutes daily to this and so I am looking to put together a plan. I looked around the forums and I have listened to Tim's blushing MP3 and I am still a bit confused.

    I dont know where to start. I got this from another thread: (edited)

    Since the problem is underneath an emotional one, the first tool to use would be the Click Tracks and in this case the eefs.
    Click Tracking any recent events that caused you to blush and any past particularly memorable occasions. The first ever if you can recall it.
    Click Tracking  future imagined situations that you know would cause it to happen.
    Click Tracking any feeling of desperation to get this “over with”
    Click Tracking any fear that you will blush again soon.

    I have done all that several times except the last two points. I don't feel desperate and I dont walk around being scared that I will blush again.

    One big reason for that is that my life situation is such that I am not put in trigger situations often at all. But this issue IS holding me back, I would never try to speak in front of a group for example, and I definitely avoid certain social situations, but I have been doing that for so long that I don't even make the connection anymore.

    I don't think “I wish I could go to that event but I can't because I might blush and I'll have no way out of the situation”. I just avoid it automatically.

    #25074
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi Alexander!

    “I don't think “I wish I could go to that event but I can't because I might blush and I'll have no way out of the situation”. I just avoid it automatically.”

    These are not usually conscious actions, but actions emanating from the subconscious mind model (MM).  A MM that is basically telling you that it's not safe to speak in front of a group of people and that social situations are painful and not pleasurable.

    Keep in mind, your subconscious knows the “why,” but sometimes we don't consciously know the why.

    So, from your post, I see two more issues that you are not addressing.

    I know you said, “I have done all that” … but at the same time you are still feeling uncomfortable when encountering these two issues:

    * never try to speak in front of a group
    * I definitely avoid certain social situations

    “I have been doing that for so long that I don't even make the connection anymore. “
    Of course, that's what the sub does so well; takes the thinking away from you so that consciously you don't have to think about it any longer; you just follow the emotional reactions and thoughts of the sub and then, in the current MM, stay safe.

    Start with an imagined event:

    Imagine speaking in front of a large group… make it real as in something you would truly love to speak about or something you might do for your work or some other interest.  Imagine it… what does that feel like?  Is it unpleasant?  Rate that emotion and run the CT on that imagined event.
    As you do that, memories may come up that are related or even some that “seem” unrelated… jot those down and CT those.

    Do the same with the social situations you avoid.
    Imagine doing it… how does it feel?  Rate and CT.

    Go that direction first, but also keep in the mind the beliefs involved here and use PSTEC Negative on the negative beliefs and then PSTEC Positive to suggest empowering perspectives for yourself!

    Aloha!
    Jeff

    #25075
    AvatarAlexander
    PSTEC User

    Hi Jeff

    Thank you for replying. I will get going with the clicktracks in the way you suggested and update here later.

    In the meantime I have a question about beliefs. If beliefs are buried in the subconscious then how do I know what they are?

    Consider this:

    I don't have a fear of blushing per se since it doesn't bother me if I blush when I'm at home by myself where nobody can see me. That must mean I have a fear of someone else seeing me blush. Why? What is the belief underneath that?

    #25076
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    You discover subconscious beliefs when the thoughts come to your conscious mind and they will, especially when you challenge them.

    First of all, address the emotions by imagining that you are about to blush in front of a group or crowd of people; how does that feel to face that possibility?  If it's unpleasant, CT that until you feel more neutral.

    Now, if you are not aware of any negative beliefs, perhaps there aren't any strong ones so if you are not aware of any thoughts that occur when you imagine that happening, the proceed with PSTEC Positive and “describe” how you wish to feel and act and use PP for those new suggestions.  When you do this, be aware of any thoughts that occur during and after the PP track… any thoughts that are contrary to thinking and acting in the way you desire… in the way you expressed with your PP statement(s).

    Tim has designed the various tracks to bring these new emotions, beliefs and behaviors (changing the mind model) to the subconscious and if something is not acceptable to the current mind model and they have not been addressed and must be, then the sub will make you aware of it.  You don't always discover it immediately and linearly, but if you persist, you will discover the negative beliefs and then you can target your PSTEC Tools effectively.

    Aloha!
    Jeff

    #25077
    AvatarAlexander
    PSTEC User

    Update:

    Clicktracking the emotions I have now gotten it down to a low level, but it doesn't carry fully into real world experience. If I CT in he morning before work I find myself more relaxed for an hour or so and I am not avoiding situations like I used to. The problem is it fades rather quickly.

    Regarding beliefs I haven't clicked any as I still haven't been able to figure out what they are. I did come to the sad conclusion that subconsciously I care a lot about what people think of me. I think if I didn't care then there would be no blushing.

    Imagine a person that doesn't care about what other people think of him. What kind of beliefs does he have? And can I get them?

    #25078
    Paul McCabePaul McCabe
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi Alexander,

    Thanks for posting.

    I could write a lot about beliefs and probably will do soon, but I will keep it brief(ish). That's because it's a broad subject and entire courses have been run and books written just about beliefs.

    Before we encounter self-help, most of us are generally unaware of beliefs and how they affect us. We are generally just aware of our emotions, problems and behaviours. However, beliefs influence behaviour and emotions, and vice versa.

    Beliefs, by general definition, are the interpretation/meaning we give to a series of events.

    If every time we encountered a dog, we were bitten, we might conclude “dogs are dangerous.” It is our truth – based on our experience.

    We can hold beliefs with which we intellectually disagree. Just because we disagrer with something does not mean we do not hold it.

    To test out whether you have a belief, you might consider some of the core negative self-esteem beliefs that people might hold.

    Things like “There's something wrong with me”, “I'm not good enough”, “I'm not worthy.”

    These are quite generic beliefs, usually formed in early childhood. Try saying each of those statements out loud.

    Do they FEEL true on any level? If so, there may be an emotional discomfort when saying these beliefs.

    If yes, then you will most likely hold them.  And then it will help you tremendously to eliminate them.

    Do you have PSTEC Negative? I could write more about this, but don't wish to bombard you.

    Another way to “access” beliefs is to try and detach yourself from the experience. Think of it as though you were speaking/thinking about a character in a book or movie. This will assist you in being able to look at your experiences more subjectively.

    Which beliefs do you think someone who feels uncomfortable with being the centre of attention might hold? How about someone who fears blushing?

    Just shooting here, but do beliefs such as “It's dangerous for people to focus their attention on me,” or “If I blush, people will reject me” resonate with you? Not intellectually, but when you SAY those statements…is there a sense you might hold them on some level?

    Please let me know how you get on with this.

    Paul


    Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner

    http://www.lifestyleforchange.com

    Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.

    Recreate yourself with PSTEC.

    Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…

    #25079
    AvatarAlexander
    PSTEC User

    Hi Paul

    Thank you for taking the time to write.

    Those do not resonate with me at all. (“There's something wrong with me”, “I'm not good enough”, “I'm not worthy.”)
    I could rephrase to “there's something odd/different about me” and it resonates strongly. I don't put any negative judgement in it.

    “We can hold beliefs with which we intellectually disagree. Just because we disagrer with something does not mean we do not hold it.”
    I don't understand what you mean there, can you please elaborate? It doesn't make sense to believe something while at the same time not believing it. Or you mean subconsciously believing while consciously disbelieving?

    “If I blush, people will reject me”
    -I don't care about rejection, but there is something there, I just can't find the right word to describe it.  The fear is in what people think about a person that they see blushing.

    I have PSTEC negative but I haven't used it yet.

    Again, thank you so much for taking the time.

    #25080
    Paul McCabePaul McCabe
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi Alexander,

    Thank you for getting back to me. I appreciate your kind words, and am very happy to clarify my earlier post.

    With regards to the “intellectually disagreeing” comment, you are spot on. Subsconsciously we could hold a belief, while consciously believing we couldn't or shouldn't hold such a belief. It's a case of rationalising something away.

    To make that more concrete, a Doctor or Harvard graduate could hypothetically hold a belief such as “I'm stupid.” Now, logically, that would make no sense. However, they would have formed such a belief in early childhood.

    We could similarly hold a belief like “I'm not good enough” and come up with rationalisations about why we are good enough – perhaps it will be about accomplishments or friends, or positive appraisals from other people. However, if the belief is held on a core level, all those “proofs” will just be strategies to become “good enough.”

    Those strategies might involve “becoming good enough” by “doing things perfectly”, “getting the respect of others”, “having lots of money”, “being a workaholic”, “being famous” etc. However, those will never really overcome the inherent feeling of not being good enough.

    If such a belief rings true or feels uncomfortable, we will almost certainly hold it. Saying it out loud, especially when contrasted with something unaffecting like “I'm a Martian”, will also give clues about whether the belief is held.

    It might prove beneficial to look at your views on blushing, in general. Considering these scenarios and completing the sentences might get you closer to the beliefs…

    “Blushing is…”

    “People who blush are…”

    “If I blush in front of people, people will…”

    How about something like  “It's scary for people to focus their attention on me”?

    If that seems to ring true, then ask yourself why it is scary. I have a feeling that this will get you close to the beliefs that are causing the pattern.

    I hope this helps.

    Please let me know.

    Paul


    Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner

    http://www.lifestyleforchange.com

    Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.

    Recreate yourself with PSTEC.

    Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…

    #25081
    AvatarAlexander
    PSTEC User

    “People who blush are…weak

    “If I blush in front of people, people will… Look down on me

    “It's dangerous for people to focus their attention on me” (dangerous rings more true than scary)

    -It feels plenty dangerous but it is proportional to the number of people, and the nature of the focus.

    I've read other people dealing with this that couldn't go to job interviews but I have no problem with that because it's just me and 1-2 more people there. All attention is on me in that situation and it doesn't bother me.

    One exception is being caught off guard, meeting someone I know where I did not expect it, or getting an unexpected question. It's so odd sometimes what triggers it.

    Ok I was about to delete this and start over, but reading through it, it looks pretty obvious that all the triggers are about losing control, that's when I blush and that's what makes it scary?

    What can I do with that?

    #25082
    Paul McCabePaul McCabe
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi Alexander,

    That sounds like you have identified some of the beliefs that make up the pattern.

    I appreciate you committing to this, and apologies that I am a bit wordy at times  ;D

    One other thing is that the “People who blush are…weak” belief might be a corollary to the belief “I'm weak.” In other words, they play off one another.

    Essentially, you might feel on some level that you are weak because you blush.

    I am not saying you are weak, or that you consciously believe this, but a belief like this would have made sense at the time it is formed – and a lot of the “negative self-esteem” beliefs are said to be formed in our early childhood.

    Try saying “I'm weak” out loud and see if that resonates in any way.

    “Weak” is often something from which we shy away. Certainly, when I was grown ups would say to other kids “big boys don't cry!”, “toughen up!” or “stop being so dramatic!” As well-meaning as this may have been, some children may interpret crying, showing or feeling negative emotions as “wrong” or a sign of “weakness.”

    And then if you are “weak” (but really just sensitive), then you either will not fit in or will be ridiculed.

    Once you eliminate the beliefs you referenced, even the act of occasionally blushing (which people can do for a variety of reasons) would likely be reconceptualised by you. It would not be a habitual occurrence, but would be no big deal….if it ever did happen (I would suggest).

    Then, you have a few ways (well, many…really) you can tackle and eliminate these beliefs and the emotions that have sprung from the events.

    1) Go back to when they would have likely been formed – early childhood.

    2) Consider the sort of experiences you were having in early childhood. Your subconscious mind will know the causes, so it is just a case of accessing these. What sort of events might have resulted in you forming these beliefs? Was there any bullying or physical abuse? Criticism or teasing? Just a sense of being oversensitive? No need to answer here, if you do not wish to do so, but these are just suggestions of possible experiences you may wish to consider.

    3) It MIGHT be painful to re-visit these events but, remember, it is only a visit.

    4) Run the Click Tracks on the experiences you have identified, neutralising the unwanted emotions systematically. It might require more than a few plays (variety, consistency etc.)

    5) After you have run the Click Tracks and neutralised the emotions, use PSTEC Negative on the beliefs you have identified, ensuring you have done effective counter-exampling on the beliefs you formed.

    If it is easier, get to step 4 and let us know how that worked…before you venture into PSTEC Negative.

    That is just because emotions feed into belief and beliefs feed into emotions, but the emotional release/neutrality is going to be easier to “feel” than the elimination of the beliefs. However, eliminating the unwanted beliefs (and installing more empowering beliefs) is very important too.

    I hope this helps. Once again, please keep the thread updated with your progress and any questions/concerns you have.

    Paul


    Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner

    http://www.lifestyleforchange.com

    Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.

    Recreate yourself with PSTEC.

    Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…

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