I am unable to attract healthy relationships

Forums General Discussions and Specific Issues Relationships and Rejection I am unable to attract healthy relationships

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  • #21465
    anantacaur
    PSTEC User

    Hi
    I am 34 years old never been married and hardly ever been in a relationship with a man. When i was 14 years old i fell in love with a guy with whom i thought i would get married and settle down. For nearly 5 years we had an amazing relationship and then he decided to go to USA for further studies. Since then the problems started and eventually after 3 years we lost touch but after that i really never had a boyfriend in my life. He again contacted me after 13 years and we started chatting and this time the relationship went sour within the first 1 month of our relationship and we stopped talking again. this has happened a few time. For last 3 years i had been single with no relationship prospects. This March i connected with an old friend and within a few days we fell in love. It was magical and amazing initially so much so that we were planning marriage in August 2012 but again after nearly 3 weeks things became bad as i realised he is Alcoholic. I am still in a relationship with him but I don't know what to do. Should I be in this relationship? will he stop drinking? if not should i break up? if yes then why did it happen in the first place? Why do i continuously keep attracting such relationship? How do I break this pattern and actually have a healthy relationship? Why initially its so amazing then soon afterwards it turns disastrous. What do i need to tap on? I have tapped on my sister being mudered by her husband, i have tapped on my parents bad marriage, i dont know what else i need to do. I experience being stuck.

    #22863
    Peter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Hi Anantacaur
    To get you unstuck we could do with a few more clues.
    First imagine yourself being with the man of your dreams in a “healthy relationship”. What are the immediate thoughts and feelings that come into your mind? You want this thing, what do feel is stopping you having it? Can you share this with us?
    Has the “tapping” you have done so far helped in any way so far? Have you lowered any bad feelings with the Click Tracks?
    Peter

    #22864
    Jeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Aloha!

    When it comes to relationships, we learn those types of skills early on… so if our experiences and our observations and what we are told move in a dis-empowering direction, then we continue the pattern.

    Take the past relationships you have had and focus on the unpleasant aspects of each one… jot them down as memories, including going back to your early years.

    For example, from your post…

    • “he decided to go to USA for further studies”… how do you feel about him leaving you? Use the CT on that memory of being left and try really hard to feel the feeling about it.

      As you feel those feelings… what does that remind you of?  When had you felt that way prior to that?  Let your mind reveal any other information: memories, emotions, images, feelings, etc.  Jot them down and emotional aspects can be CT'd.

      You also mentioned some subsequent memories… look at using the CT on these, but
      start with the beginning or earlier ones… also the more intense ones.

    • “the relationship went sour within the first 1 month”
    • The relationship you are currently in can be a little bit tougher, but, it might be helpful to CT memories with this fellow as well.
    • [/list]But, again, begin with the earlier memories because they are more likely to be at cause or the source of your Mind Model that chooses these types of relationships.

      Look to lower the emotions about past relationships and then, once at least lowered, then beginning to imagine something wonderful, ideal, etc. will be much easier and crafting PSTEC Positive Statements will also be more effective.

      Aloha ia O'Koa Pa'ulo
      (When we meet in Love* … We Shall Be Whole!)

      Jeff

      PS The “Love” referenced above is not human love, but Unconditional Love.

    #22865
    anantacaur
    PSTEC User

    Hi Anantacaur
    To get you unstuck we could do with a few more clues.
    First imagine yourself being with the man of your dreams in a “healthy relationship”. What are the immediate thoughts and feelings that come into your mind? You want this thing, what do feel is stopping you having it? Can you share this with us?
    Has the “tapping” you have done so far helped in any way so far? Have you lowered any bad feelings with the Click Tracks?
    Peter

    When I dream about the man of my dreams i feel intense fear. It feels so distant and impossible. My mind continuously starts questioning HOW. How will this happen. All my limitations become very real to me in this moment. Its like a new flash this is not possible because of this this this reason.

    #22866
    SilentBob
    PSTEC User

    Nobody is perfect. We are all neurotic. Maybe you should give ClickTrack to your boyfriend if he is Alcoholic?

    #22867
    anantacaur
    PSTEC User

    I know this will work but my concern is
    a) He is alcoholic and he doesnt know he is nor does he know what this means
    B) He avoids me so i dont get a space to communicate
    C) He is in complete denial
    D) Because of the heavy alcohol content in his body he is very temperamental, aggressive, and unpredictable.
    More over I can see a pattern of attracting difficult men in my life. My dad brother and close relative (Men) are all like him, they are dominating, judgmental, will not listen to their wives and family, behave badly at home, create a space of terror unpredictability and sadness. All marriages in my environment  are unhealthy and the women in my family believe this is normal. So they make me wrong for thinking and beleive otherwise. As a result i experience being worthless, bad, lonely, sad. I have strong belief that things can never change no matter how much I try, its useless. I can never break these patterns. I feel so tired fighting all the time if not externally internally I resist all this so much. I feel helpless and hurt that i cant protect my mom my sister in law my sister. My elder sister was murdered by her husband and I have had bad relations with men. I just cant seem to break this chain. I feel so stuck. Its now showing in every area of my life.

    #22868
    SilentBob
    PSTEC User

    Try to find some nice boyfriend. Avoid aggressive guys.

    #22869
    Jeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Aloha nui!

    Keep in mind, when dealing with, working on, worrying about relationships… especially intimate relationships (although this really applies to all relationships in our lives) … YOUR perception will shift your experiences.  So, being that YOUR perception can shift your life, then keep your focus and attention on the YOUR Mind Model.  Shift your emotions, beliefs and behaviors and you will find your experiences … your world … shifting as well.

    So, I encourage you to stop concerning or trying to change other people's ways.

    Focus on the ONE thing that you have control of … YOU!

    Malama Pono… Aloha!

    Jeff

    #22870
    Peter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Anantacaur
    You believe that PSTEC will work, therefore you do have hope for the future. Use the Click tracks on the feelings of worthlessness and other negative feelings and they will reduce and lose their power over you, leaving you more in control. It seems unlikely that the men in your life will understand or try to help you so for the time being work at changing yourself alone and regain your self-worth. In order to break the cycle of unhealthy relationships you must do things for yourself, PSTEC for example. When you change others change around you.
    Peter

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