Looking to release my relationship issues

Forums General Discussions and Specific Issues Confused and Not Sure Where to Start Looking to release my relationship issues

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  • #21546
    Jason Tilley
    PSTEC User

    Hi all,

    I've been doing faster eft and struggling a bit to remember any memories that feel like they would directly relate to my lack of dating confidence. I'm great at making friends, chatting to women socially, etc. But I have these automated patterns in place, and it's hard to know what they are or where they come from. Like I see a women and I glance at her then avert my eyes as though I've done something wrong and I feel wrong. It's a catch 22, I feel bad therefore to her I am bad. In that whatever I feel she will. My end goal is to be a confident charismatic dateable guy. That guy that is worthy of the greatest girls and they know it.

    How does the PSTEC tracks differ from fastereft? EFT is helping uncover small memories and clearing the emotions but they're not really causing an impact of any kind in my life.

    It's like my mind has repressed/numbed my emotions. Even when I future project the idea of never dating another girl I feel sad and unhappy but that's about it. But at the same time it kind of feels normal.

    If I can't find memories or strong emotions that define my beliefs around the idea of dating and my dating value, then what other avenues can be used with PSTEC?

    Somewhere I read about big and small traumas. Big traumas leave a definite emotional scar, whereas small traumas all come together to help create that emotional scar. For example if a young child goes up to a girl and she rejects him, he'll feel a bit down but will ask another girl. And over time the mind will associate asking girls out with pain and suffering, and that's where the beliefs all come from (evidence). So because these individual experiences aren't painful enough for the brain to remember, how do you then work on the issues that have formed over time?

    Are there any recommended questions to ask myself to uncover something that can help?

    Looking forward to your help!

    Thanks!

    #23222
    oz
    PSTEC User

    Like I see a women and I glance at her then avert my eyes as though I've done something wrong and I feel wrong.

    As you glance at the person what are your intentions? How do you feel about these intentions? If you feel good or neutral about these intentions you're not being completely honest with yourself. So again ask yourself what other intentions are you omitting? When you find intentions or doubt that you feel negative about you could look to change them, possibly with the combination of the click tracks and PStec Positive. Or you can keep them but neutralise the emotion with just the click tracks.

    My end goal is to be a confident charismatic dateable guy. That guy that is worthy of the greatest girls and they know it.

    Looking at this from the other side, this says that you don't believe that you are a great guy. You need to change that possibly with real world action and the assistance of the PStec tools. How to achieve anything the easy way is designed for something like this, along with PStec Positive to help you instill positive beliefs.

    So because these individual experiences aren't painful enough for the brain to remember, how do you then work on the issues that have formed over time?

    You can imagine the scenario, you should feel the negative emotion so you can click track it.

    #23223
    Jason Tilley
    PSTEC User

    My intentions are for her to like me. I feel bad because I 'want' her to like me as in I don't expect her to. But hold on a sec, you're assuming I have bad intentions. Just because I feel bad for looking at a girl doesn't mean I'm having bad intentions. Wanting a girl to like me is not a bad intention. The negative part is that I assume she won't like me, not that what I'm doing is actually wrong. I feel wrong because I have a whole shitload of negative beliefs that guys can't show a women their interest, that they need permission.

    Thanks for the link, I definitely don't believe I am that guy, I know I can be but just can't seem to see the path through all the trees. I'll check out the product you linked.

    I realised when I had a faster eft session tonight that feeling 'bad' is still an emotion. I knew I had a particular issue so I imagined the worst case scenario which involved a women screwing her face up in disgust. Each round the facial expression softened until eventually the visual was her flirting with me. Just by focusing on the 'feeling bad' emotion.

    #23224
    oz
    PSTEC User

    My intentions are for her to like me. I feel bad because I 'want' her to like me as in I don't expect her to. But hold on a sec, you're assuming I have bad intentions. Just because I feel bad for looking at a girl doesn't mean I'm having bad intentions. Wanting a girl to like me is not a bad intention. The negative part is that I assume she won't like me, not that what I'm doing is actually wrong. I feel wrong because I have a whole shitload of negative beliefs that guys can't show a women their interest, that they need permission.

    I'm not saying I believe you have bad intentions. I'm saying YOU believe you have bad intentions :) You say you have the belief that you need permission to show interest, so when you show interest without permission, when you are looking without permission you believe you are doing something wrong so you feel bad and avert your eyes.

    Think about looking at someone and instead of focusing on what they think of you, focus on yourself and how you feel, how you feel that you need permission, how you feel you are doing something wrong and click track it away. You shouldn't feel bad about someone catching your eye so this should fix that. Whether you then choose to avert your eyes, that's up to you but you can then make the choice in a healthy way. Any beliefs you believe are negative; PStec Positive is the tool to change them if you want.

    In terms of being the great guy, (my perspective here, feel free to ignore this) if you can't even see the path to that, then dating I would suggest is thinking one step ahead too far. You should put your energy into getting onto that path, you don't need to travel far down it, you just need to get on it first. Then as you travel down that path at any point you can look at finding a relationship, but this time from a healthy position.

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