Not feeling emotions
Forums › General Discussions and Specific Issues › Rating Intensity of Feelings, SUDS, Trouble Feeling Emotions › Not feeling emotions
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- July 10, 2011 at 8:17 am#21359Jeff HardingPSTEC User
Hope all is well with you.
I have been dealing with this “problem” recently while using the click tracks.
You have stressed the importance of pairing events/incidents/situations with the feelings/emotions we had or felt during these events.
The thing is, while I don't have any problems recalling situations, I have a hard time feeling the actual emotion I had felt when the situation had occurred. I know remembering is not enough, feeling the actual emotion is crucial.
What do you think I should do?
Thank you very much,
TomasJuly 10, 2011 at 8:18 am#22472Jeff HardingPSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator
Have you ever heard the term, “Whistling past the graveyard?”
Quite often, as I work along side individuals, I notice that they remember an event but when it comes to the emotions and feelings they might say something along these lines, “Idon'tfeelanything…nope…nothing… WhenIthinkofthememorynoemotionsorfeelingscometome.”
Now, not quite the same effect in an email, but, basically, they are saying it very quickly in the subconscious hope to just pass it by and move on to the next subject.
So, in effect, they are whistling past the graveyard… or hurrying past the event or issue. I have never noticed it to be a conscious decisions or action, but something perpetrated by the subconscious because, well, for the most part, the sub is saying,
'Let's not go there… it's scary or painful.'
When I guide people, my questions and technique is to get you to s-l-o-w t-h-e m-e-m-o-r-y d-o-w-n… pause and reflect on the event. For example if a teacher berated you (sorry all you kind teachers out there), you might slow that down… see the reactions from other students, looke at her expression, look at the “young you” if it's third person and see how he feels, if first person imagine how you would feel if someone was saying that like to you right now as the teacher did then… how would you feel?
You see, it's about allowing the emotion to come up… allowing it to come through you.
It may not come as a feeling through your body, but most people can identify what the emotion is and that's a good place to start.
I hope that helps.
Ultimately, if you are still having issues, it may help to have someone guide you along for a bit until you are allowing it through on your own.
JeffAugust 25, 2015 at 9:00 am#22473snowy2015PSTEC User
This is the problem I've been having, which is one of the reasons I registered.
There are three areas that I'm looking to eliminate – dislike of facial looks, premature ejaculation and a fear of initiating conversation with strangers (especially women).
The emotions / sensations I get for each problem differ from each other and are as follows:
Facial looks – disappointment, resentment, dislike, feeling of being cheated
PE – increased heart rate, anxiety, nervousness, worry
Conversations – fear, anxiety, “lump” in chest area, tightness in throat, unable to make any sound
Although I can vividly remember each emotion and sensation, I am unable to feel anything when I run the click track, no matter how hard I try. Is there any effectiveness in visualising myself feeling these emotions and sensations as in a third party sense?
Thanks.August 28, 2015 at 5:26 pm#22474Peter BunyanPSTEC User
[color=rgb(68, 68, 68)]“Is there any effectiveness in visualising myself feeling these emotions and sensations as in a third party sense?”[/color]
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The quick answer is to try it, it might well work for you. Let us know if it does.
The three areas you are working on all seem to me to be related by low self esteem, you might well find a common cause which has produced all of them.
However the main issue is to get PSTEC working for you. The CTs work best if you can focus on the unwanted feeling while the track is running and you are tapping etc. Some people have CT'd in front of a mirror for the “facial looks” in order to bring up the feelings. For the PE and conversation initiation, have you tried imagining future scenarios where these things happen and Click Tracking at the same time as trying hard to think of a scene in the future which would produce the negative event and feelings. If you can imagine it, it is almost real to your subconscious but at the same time a little safer because it is in the future. I suspect that your subconscious is being protective and stopping you recalling the feelings during the Click Track. This might well be a “fear of change” or “fear of becoming someone new, unknown”, or possibly even “fear of success”, PSTEC working so well that you would be in a new place. If any of these seem like they might be there, then Click Track those first.
Please let us know how you get on or if you have any more questions.
PeterSeptember 14, 2015 at 9:56 am#22475snowy2015PSTEC User
With all my issues, whenever I focussed on them I managed to rate the feeling as a 4 or 5 maximum. I think I was under the impression that it had to replicate the original emotion. It seems that this is not the case.
I tried your suggestion with the mirror for the looks issue and it certainly helped and managed to get the emotion down to zero. The same was the case with the PE and Conversation issues. So far I haven't had any recurrence of the looks issue and haven't yet been in a suitable situation to see if I can initiate a conversation with a stranger.
However with the PE, I have had no success at all. I managed to get the emotion down to zero but when I next had sex, the same emotions (increased heart rate, anxiety, nervousness, worry) surfaced, only worse. The following day I thought I should CT on this again, however I could not get above a zero rating of this emotion no matter how hard I tried. It was as if the problem had already been dealt with.
Due to this happening, I now have a few further questions:
Does it take time for the effects to take place after CT on a certain emotion?
Should I continue to try to CT on this emotion despite my last attempt?
When I run the CT, I find myself drifting between concentrating on my feeling, the tapping and the commentary. Could this be affecting things? If so I'm not sure how I am able to focus on just the feeling.
I'm fairly new to all this, but is there another approach I should consider taking, i.e. PSTEC negative, PSTEC positive, magic sentences etc?
Thanks for your help.September 14, 2015 at 12:18 pm#22476Peter BunyanPSTEC User
Good to hear that you have had some success with PSTEC it is important that you feel that it can and will help you.
The Click Tracks need a target to work with, if the issue is not being resolved then either they are not being used effectively for some reason or the target is not the right one. The real cause of an issue is not usually the first one thought of but something else. This is why I suggested that low self esteem is possibly behind all your issues. The feeling of not being good enough, or I am not worth it and similar. Associated is a fear of failure and “it's only going to happen again” The original events that cause low self esteem are unique to each individual, but they are usually from early life and relationships with parents, other family members, teachers and peers. Writing down a list of all the things you wish had never happened to you tends to find some of these early life events. Click Tracking all of these memories or a least the worst of them is an exercise well worth pursuing.
To answer your questions:
Yes it sometimes takes time for the effects of the Click Tracking to be noticed.
If you really cannot recreate by remembering or imagining in the future the problem feelings then do not continue trying to CT them. Another way round is required.
Just do your best to keep focused on the feelings and trying to tap in synch with the clicks. Let Tim's voice remain in the background. Just keep on getting back to this if you find yourself “drifting”.
PSTEC Negative and Positive both work better when the emotions have been reduced first with Click Tracks. Magic Sentences work in an entirely different way but you need a sentence package constructed for your issue, if one does not exist.
Regarding the PE thing Tim has written a book on adult issues, “How to solve almost any sexual problem the easy way” I would be surprised if it was not covered there.
Please keep in contact and ask more questions if required.
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