Not focusing on memories

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  • #21763
    AvatarOriana
    PSTEC User

    Hi I just started using the free Click tracks. I'm extremely broke at the moment so until that is solved, the free tracks will have to suffice.

    My question may have been answered elsewhere numerous times – please forgive me, however it's a bit of a task reading all of the previous posts looking for an answer.

    I was physically, emotionally and psychologically abused on an almost daily basis from 3-15 yrs. of age and am now 55 yrs. old. During my lifetime I've tried conventional and numerous alternative therapies, including EFT. Some of this has definitely helped – I learned to step outside of myself and use CBT. 

    Since the abuse happened 40 yrs. ago and I've been over and over it hundreds of times in therapy, I find that the memories of the abuse no longer pack a punch. I have however, not surprisingly, developed a habitual way of thinking/feeling/viewing the world and have suffered from GAD (it's physically painful) my entire life. What happens when using PSTEC (and every other alternative therapy: EFT, Matrix Reprogramming, etc.) is that no matter what, my anxiety will not go down. I can clear a memory, but still have anxiety. I feel that the memories do not cause the anxiety anymore, the anxiety is just now part of my personality, ie. it's ingrained in me. Does this make sense? No amount of clearing memories or trying to change belief systems will bring down the fortress of fear, self-protection and negative thinking that is now a deeply ingrained HABIT.

    Also I can look at the abuse and understand it was not my fault, etc. etc. but have a very difficult time not believing that the “Universe” was and continues to not be my friend :). Having faith and trusting the universe is almost impossible for me. With a childhood like mine, it's not surprising that the rest of my life has been full of traumas, so it's a build up.

    So I guess my question is: How can I use PSTEC effectively for the personality I've developed when clearing memories isn't enough? Can I use it for GAD in general, ie. just focusing on the anxiety and not on particular memories?

    Thank you.

    Added: I've always been a deep psychological thinker, have worked on myself and as stated, have tried therapy off and on for approx. 30 yrs. Maybe I'm way off in my self-analysis, however I do really feel that the anxiety I struggle with is now a separate beast from the memories.

    #24142
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Hi Oriana

    The effects of childhood abuse are a dramatic reduction in self worth/self-esteem although you appear to have removed much of the negative feelings around your childhood, that disastrous lack of self worth remains, this colours (discolours?) your whole outlook on life as epitomised by your “fortress of fear….”.

    You could try just try Click Tracking the GAD but it would be better if you could identify some triggers for the anxiety. My guess would be almost any social situation. Furthermore any situation involving a member of the same sex as your abuser. It might be any authority figure or it might be someone with the same colour hair. Unfortunately with GAD the triggers are so slight and plentiful and therefore difficult to isolate.

    Since you are new to PSTEC I suggest that you first run the tracks while recalling the worst of those early abuse incidents even though you have been through it all before with other therapies. PSTEC is the most thorough remover of unwanted emotions and might finish off what the others have left incomplete. If this is too much for you then you mention a life full of traumas, work with some of those and get used to the Click tracking process. Also Click Track any more recent incident where you have felt “small” or in anyway less of a person, possibly connected with lack of money.
    Another area to start with is “What makes you angry” Anger is such a destructive emotion and it quite often stems from low self worth and that injustice the unfairness in life that you suffered while others did not. What has made you angry recently?

    As money is an issue there is another FREE hypnotic track from Tim “Wealth of Abundance” you can download it HERE from my site, no signup, no email required. It works to rebuild your self worth in a positive way. As a hypnotic it needs to be listened to frequently over a period of time, if you can then every day for a fortnight. Not while driving, operating machinery or anything else.

    Hopefully this gives you a few clues and helps to get you started, please reply and let us know how you get on.

    Peter

    #24143
    AvatarOriana
    PSTEC User

    The effects of childhood abuse are a dramatic reduction in self worth/self-esteem although you appear to have removed much of the negative feelings around your childhood, that disastrous lack of self worth remains, this colours (discolours?) your whole outlook on life as epitomised by your “fortress of fear….”.

    Yup, spot on.

    You could try just try Click Tracking the GAD but it would be better if you could identify some triggers for the anxiety. My guess would be almost any social situation. Furthermore any situation involving a member of the same sex as your abuser. It might be any authority figure or it might be someone with the same colour hair. Unfortunately with GAD the triggers are so slight and plentiful and therefore difficult to isolate.

    None of your guesses are correct, but that’s understandable :). Having difficult to isolate, plentiful triggers is a major source of frustration when trying to pinpoint the source of anxiety.

    Another area to start with is “What makes you angry” Anger is such a destructive emotion and it quite often stems from low self worth and that injustice the unfairness in life that you suffered while others did not.

    Good idea. Anger often stems from feeling that “I” don’t matter, that any efforts I make or feelings I have don’t count. Good area to Click on!

    As money is an issue there is another FREE hypnotic track from Tim “Wealth of Abundance” you can download it HERE from my site, no signup, no email required. It works to rebuild your self worth in a positive way. As a hypnotic it needs to be listened to frequently over a period of time, if you can then every day for a fortnight.

    Thank you! I tried to download that track from this site yesterday, but it wouldn’t work. Trying to manifest is exactly what lead me to PSTEC.

    Hopefully this gives you a few clues and helps to get you started, please reply and let us know how you get on.

    Thank you for your response and suggestions, much appreciated. I will report back. If and when I can afford to purchase some more tracks, would you recommend EEF or 2015?

    Best regards,
    Oriana

    #24144
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Oriana

    “Spot on” Great, but what to do about it.

    Note: The FREE stuff is not “cut down” or reduced performance, it has just been improved upon over time. This extra development has taken a lot of time and therefore “paid for”.

    You are not short of targets to Click Track. Lack of self worth shows itself in many ways. Anger as mentioned also negative, pessimistic ways of thinking, envy, greed jealousy and more. (leads to depression). Wealth of Abundance helps by improving gratitude which works to reduce that negativity.

    If the social aspects of GAD are not a problem then I suggest anything that could be viewed as a “lack of control” over any area of your life both big and small. Anywhere you might feel you have no influence, no say, trapped, stuck, things happening around you, not concerned about you, being taken for granted, powerless, no money.

    You might guess that I am assuming that the GAD is a result of your years of abuse. Yes and that removing the emotions from those memories will reduce the GAD. Yes again. Possibly other therapists have said the same to you. I'm guessing again that during those tragic years you very often knew in advance that you were going to be “in for it” again, more undeserved “punishment” and possibly blamed for causing “it”. this would very understandably create stress and anxiety. Repeated many times over many years the stress and anxiety have become a habit. If that is the case then I would expect any or all of smoking, substance abuse, alcohol abuse and weight issues to follow on. (Not always!) However these are all habits, habits of behaviour which can be changed. The GAD is also a habit of behaviour which likewise can be removed and changed. One way of breaking habits is “pattern interrupts”, stopping just before the undesired action, and repeating this process until the habit has no hold over you and stops. In your case I am looking for some commonality around anticipated events where you “know” something is going to happen. With some pessimistic thinking then all expected events are likely to appear undesirable and so trigger stress and anxiety. If you “know” that anxiety is about to happen, even if you do not know why, then you stand a good chance of being able to do something about it.

    Please accept my apologies for any generalisations and guesswork. However as a “deep psychological thinker” have I got anything anywhere near right?

    Before and after every play through it is strongly suggested that you rate the strength of emotion you are about to work on, on a scale of 0-10 you are probably familiar with this from previous therapies. IMO it is best to really trust your subconscious to provide the right number, so think about the feeling ask yourself for a number and literally the first one which comes into your head, a real snap decision, no second guessing or modifying. The same goes for immediately after the play through. If you are using the Click Tracks correctly then I would expect a reduction in the numbers every time, even if only a small difference.

    “feeling that “I” don’t matter, that any efforts I make or feelings I have don’t count.” Great definition of low self worth!

    Keep on “Clicking”
    Peter

    #24145
    AvatarOriana
    PSTEC User

    You are not short of targets to Click Track. Lack of self worth shows itself in many ways. Anger as mentioned also negative, pessimistic ways of thinking, envy, greed jealousy and more. (leads to depression). Wealth of Abundance helps by improving gratitude which works to reduce that negativity.

    No I’m certainly not short of targets! :) I’ve been working on manifesting for over 2 mths now but all I feel is anxiety. Feel gratitude = anxiety. Think positive = anxiety. Have faith = anxiety. I meditate = anxiety. I visualize = anxiety. Affirmations = anxiety. Basically all of the ingredients for manifesting are negated by anxiety. Luckily I now live in a beautiful spot in the country so I can wake up everyday and feel much gratitude for that, for my health, for my amazing pets, my inner strength and my intelligence. Unfortunately pessimism reigns. I needed the country for my anxiety, and then a lucrative work contract failed on me. Biggest issue right now is money, situation critical (things happen for a reason, yet to be determined). Not to say that money would take the anxiety away.

    If the social aspects of GAD are not a problem then I suggest anything that could be viewed as a “lack of control” over any area of your life both big and small. Anywhere you might feel you have no influence, no say, trapped, stuck, things happening around you, not concerned about you, being taken for granted, powerless, no money.

    Yup, Complex PTSD. Trapped, powerless, no control. “I” don’t matter. And yes, add watching baby brother being beaten to that.

    You might guess that I am assuming that the GAD is a result of your years of abuse. Yes and that removing the emotions from those memories will reduce the GAD. Yes again. Possibly other therapists have said the same to you. I'm guessing again that during those tragic years you very often knew in advance that you were going to be “in for it” again, more undeserved “punishment” and possibly blamed for causing “it”. this would very understandably create stress and anxiety.

    Yes to everything above. You know in advance that it will be coming at some point, however at the same time you never know exactly when it’s coming. Possibly blamed for causing “it” is an understatement. You have no idea :). At the age of 14 I got a lawyer to defend myself against the accusation of “you’re the blame for everything” that had escalated to court. Seriously. Everything was always my fault. I was just the worst thing that could have been born. Didn’t matter that I was shy, quiet, well behaved and smart enough to skip two grades. I was responsible for “ruining” the family from the age of 3. Much projection going on there, yes? By 15 yrs. of age, I had won the court battle. By then I knew and the court authorities knew what had been going on my entire childhood.

    Repeated many times over many years the stress and anxiety have become a habit. If that is the case then I would expect any or all of smoking, substance abuse, alcohol abuse and weight issues to follow on. (Not always!) However these are all habits, habits of behaviour which can be changed.

    I smoked for 40 yrs and now I vape (electronic cigarettes). I drank heavily, did drugs, partied hard, etc. but always held a job, was always responsible, was always “together”. I even had a successful career. Now I drink everyday small amounts to relieve anxiety. It’s that or meds. The soft approach just doesn’t work, ie. meditating, herbal tea and taking bubble baths – the anxiety is intense.

    With some pessimistic thinking then all expected events are likely to appear undesirable and so trigger stress and anxiety. If you “know” that anxiety is about to happen, even if you do not know why, then you stand a good chance of being able to do something about it.

    The issue with “knowing” that anxiety is about to happen is that I don’t know what it’s like to not feel anxiety. It hurts, physically. It’s an intense pain in my chest that is there 24/7. I’ve never not had anxiety. It always hurts.

    Please accept my apologies for any generalisations and guesswork. However as a “deep psychological thinker” have I got anything anywhere near right?

    Definitely have some things right! You can’t know for sure since you don’t know me or the story. I fit the Complex PTSD spectrum pretty well. I’ve worked very hard over the years, have come a long way. For example, used to be so shy I couldn’t speak, and now I’m not shy at all.

    A question often asked is: What do you gain by holding on to the fear? I just feel like, when you’ve been abused your entire childhood and you don’t know any other way of being, it’s incredibly hard to let go of the mechanisms you’ve built up in order to survive. That’s why I have so much difficulty. The memories don’t bother me that much, how I “formed” as a result of that experience is the issue.

    And so, on that note, when I sit down to work on Click tracks, I feel lost at sea. I can click on that one bad experience (of many) or the “overall” lack of self-worth, but seeing the past for what it was does not help me let go of the clench in my chest, the super strong fortress I built. It ain't gonna come tumbling down because I cleared a memory of a bad experience.

    #24146
    AvatarOriana
    PSTEC User

    We Complex PTSD cases always get the short end of the stick. Whatever the latest and greatest therapies are, I always get the same story. Well… it will take much longer for you, it will be much harder for you. It will never be the easy, quick, fast road to recovery. You can't expect the same results as someone who needs to clear that one bad experience in grade school, or the one-time PTSD experience. EFT of course was the same thing. It's “complex” for a reason. Childhood was extremely tough and guess what, so is recovery.

    It sucks, that's all I can say.

    Added: I tried it on the negative experience of losing that work contract and I must say PSTEC does work very well on less convoluted issues :).

    #24147
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Oriana

    Yes it certainly seems like you got the “short end of the stick” in life. As much as I feel for you, you need something more tangible than that. Part of my role here is to give you hope, a starting point which you can build on. I cannot “fix” you, only you can do that. If I fully understood what your life was like I would probably have the same symptoms. What I can do is to use my own rock solid belief in the ability of PSTEC to help you.

    LOA/manifestation need in order to work an accurate vision of what you want to happen, and a blind faith that it will, that the universe will provide what ever it is you desire. However in your experience, your universe, so far has given you a whole lot of sh….! You have to find evidence to the contrary, that it might be possible to change for the better, to that it is possible, to that it could happen, to that it will happen, to that it is going to happen, to it is happening. This is a progression a journey from doubt to belief. Because your subconscious resists change unless there is proof that it is good and safe to to so, preferably something you can see. (If someone gave you a big winning lottery ticket you wouldn't believe it until you had some cash in hand.) So you have to work in small increments and yes this might take time. (Please don't groan.) Here I am just using the “mechanics of mind” to explain, nothing to do with “you have big tough issues it is gonna take some work to clear that”. Big swift changes can and do happen to people but it is back to that blind faith and vision which persuade the subconscious to let go of your past with it's accompanying set of habits both of thinking and physical you now call life.

    You have had some success with PSTEC so far, this is excellent. Something to build on!  Go to the PSTEC .org site here and read some of the user success stories or here to listen to some more to help re-enforce your belief that PSTEC can and will work for you as well.

    Self confident people tend to have gaols, visions for their future. With this they always have something they can do to work towards that future, a plan. People with low self worth tend to have little hope for a better future and no plan. The process of defining a vision, and building a plan towards it, positively builds confidence and increases self-esteem. Think about it, what is it you want out of life. If you are not sure think for a moment about what you do not want, you have had plenty of that. What is the opposite? Write it down on paper! The more you focus on that vision the more the “how to achieve it” will become clear.

    Acquiring loads of money is not a useful end in itself, although it might be handy in order to achieve what it is you desire. Since lack of the stuff is an issue with you at the moment then place a pile of bills in front of you and expect more to come in. Click Track that feeling, the lack of, the stress, the OMG how am I going to pay this. You will not have the faith that it will be all right while you have those fears. This can be considered one of the requirements of manifestation or to me just more “mechanics of mind”. Your brain/mind is a pattern recognition engine set to look for patterns in all the incoming information from all your senses. By creating a vision and removing fears to make the vision more believable you set your mind to filtering out information patterns helpful towards that end. If you are not looking you will not find it, even though it is there “right under your nose”.

    I have plenty more to say but what you need is a starting point. While not tangible as such I hope the above gives you something more solid and practical to work with.

    Peter

    #24148
    AvatarOriana
    PSTEC User

    Peter, I'm very grateful for the time you've taken to respond, in such detail, to my questions/issues. A lot of sound and very helpful advice that I will absorb and chew on over the next few days.

    I know that one isn't supposed to think of what is lacking while trying to manifest, however I am going to focus on that exactly, as you suggested, and use the Click tracks. I think the theme of “there's always something (insert problem here) causing me major discomfort…” is a good place to start.

    I am pretty goal-less lately, you're quite correct. That's a tough one that needs baby steps.

    Again thank you for everything! I'll pop in if/when there's something exciting to report :).

    #24149
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Oriana

    Please don't wait for something exciting to report. Get back to us on a regular schedule say the same day every two weeks. Tell us what you found difficult or easy about your journey. This schedule is a goal to achieve, empowering in a small and satisfying way in itself. Another “baby” step!
    I look forward to it. Just keep on “Clicking”

    Peter

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