obsessed!

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  • #21597
    Avatarpsteckie
    PSTEC User

    i had a relationship with someone. We both decided it wasn't working — though the initial impetus to end it came from me — and we split up amicably.

    Since losing this person I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about her and these thoughts bring up a lot of different negative emotions.

    For example I think/feel: I will never have someone like her again… she was the best for me and now i have lost her… my life is rubbish without her and i am mean-spirited for losing her… She is punishing me and has the right to do so…. she can be without me but i can't be without her…. i don't deserve her….

    Other triggers for these emotions/thoughts are seeing her, checking my phone and not seeing a message from her, memories, etc.

    Consciously I know these thoughts are false and it is a question of time for them to go away but I would like to take the emotion out of these thoughts/memories…

    So my question is, when i do the pstec tap what do i focus on? There are just so many triggers for these negative thoughts and emotions and so many thoughts and emotions that I am confused what I should concentrate on….

    thanks

    #23420
    AvatarMeghan Saunders
    PSTEC User

    Hello psteckie –

    I've read through your post a few times and trying to come up with the best use of words to help you.

    First off I suggest you sort your 'feelings' from 'your beliefs'.

    For instance, “seeing her, checking my phone and not seeing a message from her, memories,”  these things stir up emotions and feelings – – – use the FEELINGS & connect with them during the click tracks (Free & EEFs).  Also, observe yourself, when checking your phone for instance – do you FEEL badly first or do you think something first – and then feel badly.

    The other things you mentioned mostly involve your beliefs. . .
    For example I think/feel: I will never have someone like her again… she was the best for me and now i have lost her… my life is rubbish without her and i am mean-spirited for losing her… She is punishing me and has the right to do so…. she can be without me but i can't be without her…. i don't deserve her….

    In this case, your thinking (beliefs) causes the negative feelings.  When you are able to change your beliefs, your thoughts change and you will no longer create the negative feelings.  The beliefs can be worked with using pstec positive & positive extra power

    Some of what you've listed in the beliefs section may actually involve fear – fear of not finding a good mate, fear of not being good enough for a good mate…. you might benefit from trying to connect with that emotion/feeling (fear) – – – not the thoughts, but the feelings they trigger.  Work through the click tracks (free & EEFs).  Old images, thoughts or memories might pop up that you can use to work with to clear more barriers.

    You can also use Pstec Positive to coin phrases like:  “When I think of (name) I now feel at peace”,  “When I think of (name) I now feel hopeful about my future”,  “I can now stop thinking about (name)” – – – “I no longer feel the need to check my phone”, “Whenever I think about (name) now,  I immediately switch my thoughts to something positive”

    Make up phrases that are the opposite of your current beliefs.

    “Consciously I know these thoughts (BELIEFS) are false and it is a question of time for them to go away but I would like to take the emotion out of these thoughts/memories…

    When it is feelings – – always do your best to connect with them and run them through the CT's.  Once you have minimized the sting – – change your thoughts/beliefs that cause you to feel negative emotions/feelings and creative opposing new beliefs and “install” them with pstec positive & pstec positive extra power tracks.

    Do let us know about your success and progress.

    Meghan

    #23421
    Avatarpsteckie
    PSTEC User

    As an update. I used the click tracks to eliminate a lot of the negative feelings i had about this person and i actually feel that it worked (i was surprised to be honest)… i didn't need the pstec positive to change my beliefs because i didn't feel i needed to — the beliefs were a result of the negative emotions and once the negative emotions were dissolved then the beliefs disappeared too.

    however, i stopped to the ct (as i felt i had got over the problem) and over time i have slid back into feelins of obsession about this person again… which is rather disappointing. I am going to start doing the CT again (already did it last night and once during the day today) to clear it… however, it is difficult to pin-point the emotion and the trigger for the emotion… it is just a vague obsessive yearning… can u advise on what i should focus on in order to clear the emotion? the problem is that when i try to recall it then it is rather anemic… it is only when it hits me at time during the day that it is really powerful… it is difficult to recreate those occasions…

    #23422
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi psteckie… there may be a couple of issues that “seem” like they are returning or they be be completely different thoughts and feelings.

    “just a vague obsessive yearning “

    Ask some questions of yourself, such as:
    Why are you obsessed with this person?
    What will happen if you never get together with this person again?
    What are you missing by not being with this person?

    So, for example, let's say you come up with, “I will never find anyone again”…
    in that sentence is a belief … you see?

    And, beliefs are addressed with PSTEC Positive by crafting a new belief that moves you in the opposite direction of the limiting belief.  So, for this example, if you wish, you might use: “I feel patient because I will find the ideal partner in perfect timing”… or something like that.

    Prior to using PP on that, you may have some negative feelings… say fear… about being alone.  If so, imagine being alone, TRY HARD to feel the fear and CT it.  Then, when it's 0-1, go to your PP and address the belief.

    You see?

    Now, keep in mind also, “difficult to recreate those occasions”… when it comes to working on emotions, you do not have to feel the feeling or emotion while running the CT, you only have to TRY HARD to feel it.  Big difference!

    Look at beliefs though… see what conclusions come up as the result of asking why you feel obsessed about this person.

    Aloha!
    Jeff

    #23423
    Avataravesraggiana
    PSTEC User

    This is a very timely post for me since I'm going through the same vexing, bewildering and totally emotionally debilitating problem myself.

    It's been a year since I logged onto this forum in regards to another matter.

    Thank you all for posting.

    Arnel

    #23424
    Avatarpsteckie
    PSTEC User

    Okay, so i focused on why I am obsessed by this person and actually the answer — which was somehting that was coming up before in my ct practice — is that when i think about this person (or being with this person) it induces a “good feeling”… it is rather like an addiction… some kind of psychological dependence… well the fact is that I no longer want to be emotional attached to this person but I cannot rid myself of this warm feeling that I have when i think of them — i.e. the emotional attachment.

    My question then is this: should I use the ct and focus on this “positive” feeling of warmth and attachment when i think of this person? In all the instructions “negative” feelings are emphasized…. but this is in fact a “feel-good” factor… can i scramble it and weaken it with CT?

    #23425
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Ah, great example!!!

    This is interesting…

    Note that you talk about how you feel about this person as, “rather like an addiction… some kind of psychological dependence… well the fact is that I no longer want to be emotional attached to this person but I cannot rid myself of this warm feeling that I have when i think of them — i.e. the emotional attachment.”

    Then, you mention it as being a positive feeling.

    Are you sure about that?

    My mind model says that if I am addicted to ANYTHING, then it's disempowering… it's limiting me.  So, I would call being obsessed about ANYONE as being a negative feeling and limiting belief.

    ***IMPORTANT***
    So, keep this in mind… the PSTEC Click Tracks (and EEF's) will work to neutralize ANY emotion you are focusing on, even what you are calling a positive emotion.

    Another example that is very effective… again, in terms of an addiction… would be the excitement of winning at the slot machine.  You can CT the excitement and neutralize the feeling associated with playing the slots.

    You see?

    So…

    “My question then is this: should I use the ct and focus on this “positive” feeling of warmth and attachment when i think of this person? … can i scramble it and weaken it with CT?”

    Yes!!!

    Also, with relationship obsessions and addictions, quite often, some beliefs that help support it are…

    I can't live alone
    I will be alone F-O-R-E-V-E-R
    I will never find anyone as _____________ as that
    I will never find anyone
    I'm not good enough to get someone that is ____________
    etc.

    You see?  Those types, and others, of beliefs fuel our decisions to believe that we will find True Peace and Joy with someone that is not ideal.  In Truth, we do this because we are not operating with an ideal mind model.  Shift the mind model to a powerful one… a self-sufficient one … one that operates on Universal Truths … and you won't make those decision any longer.

    If you respect, believe and trust in yourself… including your True Self… your magnificence and beauty … then you will attract those that also see that in you and even revel in it… you will be able to share the vision of each other's Truth and Perfection rather than trying to get some outside fulfillment from each other that never lasts or comes with a dose of pain… sometimes quite large doses.  :) 

    Carry on… you were on the right track before you even posted here!  ;D

    Aloha ia O'Koa Pa'ulo!
    (When we meet in Love…We Shall Be Whole!)
    Jeff

    #23426
    Avatarpsteckie
    PSTEC User

    Thank you for that! In that case (hypothetically) can pstec be used to treat addiction to substances such as cocaine where the user is psychologically dependent on the false feelings of power and supreme self-confidence that the drug gives them by CTing those very feelings?

    #23427
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Sure, that would be a part of the process.  Another example similar to that is a food addiction where you can CT the comfortable feeling, the excitement, etc. that comes with comfort eating.

    But, with most addictions, be sure to address the other emotional aspects that are not directly related to the addiction, such as the various factors contributing to self esteem, such as being bullied, perceived failures, losss and other fears, such as loneliness, etc.

    And, also address beliefs with PSTEC Positive.

    Aloha!
    Jeff

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