Obsessive Intrusive Thoughts
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- April 11, 2014 at 5:22 pm#21586DexukiPSTEC User
Hi there, I've searched for answers about this topic everywhere but can't find anything so thought next best thing is to ask! This might be a bit lengthy so please hang in there …
I've had a normal childhood, parents did the best the could etc. My adult life has also been ok, ups and downs as to be expected. Had my son is 2011 and my world just changed. It was amazing! I'd never felt so much love for this tiny little boy who I created. I'd never been so happy in all my life. Everything that happened before just melted away. Then…. when he was 15 months old, I literally changed over night. I had a horrible thought when I was drifting off to sleep which jolted me awake. The following day I obsessed about it which then produced even more horrible thoughts and then it just snowballed. It shook me to my core, I began to believe I was a horrible monster that didn't deserve anything good in life. I was so ashamed (still am 18 months on!). It instantaneously affected the relationship with my beautiful little boy, I just felt so disgusted with myself. All this happened so out of the blue. I was happy! My life literally crumbled around my ears in seconds. I have the memories etc of the night it happened to the aftermath leading up to now but no real changes. The memories don't affect me really, its the thoughts themselves and how they make me feel. I obsess over them and when I finally think I've got over it, shame bites me on the bum and says ''how could you think such things, you horrible disgusting thing!' and then the cycle begins all over again. I have always considered myself a good person, I'm kind and compassionate and I'm the first person friends and family go to if they need help or advice so I don't understand whats happening to me. I understand what they are, they're apparently a very normal part of brain functioning and most people have them once in a while its just when you obsess about them brain sends threat report and then constantly scans your brain to make sure you're not thinking about them which then makes you think about them. Major system error! I feel so full of shame and fear and feel horribly uncomfortable in certain situations now. The back of my neck constantly burns because of the anxiety. This isn't me! I tried medication but didn't work for me, it turned all my emotions off it was horrible. I'd rather feel and deal rather than be a zombie (of course this was just my reaction to medication, I know some people really benefit from it). Please could you give me some insight as to how to deal with obsessive intrusive thoughts? Should I focus on how I feel about the thoughts on the click tracks and try and get them emotions down and then maybe try PP Positive? Could I word a positive statement like ''I don't care about intrusive thoughts from now on'' or ''I am good person and my thoughts are just thoughts'' haha I don't know, if I could write a novel sized suggestion that'd be great but I've just bought PSTEC positive secrets so know has to be short and to the point. Please help me with some suggestions and not just say see a practitioner, I've bought PSTEC level 1, magic sentences and accelerators and now the PP secrets so no more pennies for a while! I know I can deal with this myself I just need to know if what I'm doing is right. Also, anyone else with similar experiences to mine please let me know. Don't have a great support network, other half is getting a little bored with me when I talk about how I feel I think and no one else in my life knows. I've felt no good feelings for over a year and I feel like I've forgotten what its like to feel good! Its awful, I have a lovely life and a beautiful son that I feel like I'm missing out enjoying him grow up into a lovely little boy, such a precious time! I want to enjoy every minute but I'm held back by fear and shame.. So incredibly cruel whats happened…
PS. used accelerators since yesterday and I've noticed an increase in shame and fear? It makes sense that this would happen as I imagine they're designed to unearth all yucky poo emotions so they can be zapped??
PPS. Do you have to identify the emotions with words or is feeling enough? I can sometimes not label what emotion I'm currently feeling just a whirlwind of negativity.
PPPS. I have certain triggers that set off my intrusive thoughts, before all this happened I was very comfortable and happy around these things so no underlying issue but now makes me feel very fearful and wanting to hide. Can I click track on these triggers (imagine them and how I feel when with them)? and then use PSTEC Positive to make me feel happy like I used to around them?
Thanks!April 12, 2014 at 8:14 am#23387DexukiPSTEC User
Please can someone respond to me? I'm really struggling to cope…April 12, 2014 at 10:04 pm#23388ozPSTEC User
Here's some suggestions:
You said you had a horrible thought that jolted you awake. You should use the click tracks and accelerators on that.
Next bring up the memory of the next day, the moment when you started obsessing about it and use the click tracks and accelerators on that.
The click tracks and accelerators are designed work on emotions. You don't need to use words. They work with memories or imagined scenarios. So during the click track you're focusing on the memory/trigger, the emotion and the tapping.
For changing negative beliefs first write the negative belief, then write the opposite. You can optimise this according to the instructions in PP Secrets. Then run the PStec Positive track on the positive belief. Note it is best if there feels to be some truth to the belief. The more true you believe it is, the better PStec Positive will work. If you can't believe it at all you could pretend to believe it. Or try a different belief that sounds more reasonable to you.
Also, instead of just changing what you say to yourself, change the way you say it. How would you speak to your child? You'd probably be really nice. So resolve to use a kind tone of inner voice from now on. You could use PStec Positive with something like “My happiness is my responsibility.” Then just as you'd automatically be compassionate to your kid because you see it as your responsibility you can start automatically being kind to yourself now. If you use a kind tone of voice, any negative thoughts will sound strange and you'll start rejecting them and instead kind words and feelings will start to flow.
Hope this helps.
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