Parent’s burden

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  • #22170
    PSTEC User

      well, I remember Freud said something about parents, that we are never fully adults until our parent's words stop affecting us or we stop placing them on pedestals.

      my main issue is that I had 2 very narcissistic parents that crippled my self esteem. luckly I had became aware of these patterns and I fixed them with PSTEC, now my self esteem is much higher and I am a different person now.

      the thing is that the actions of my parents still affecting me.

      it's is like I take 10 steps foward with PSTEC but then when I go to drink coffee with my mother she starts critizising and being intrusive in my life and I regress into a 10 year old boy.

      the same way when my father gets passive-agressive with me because of some stupid random shit and I regress into a 10 year old boy.

      I believe their actions still shape me deeply and I would like to start placing bonudaries around them and cut the shit right from the beginning.

      Paul McCabe
      PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

        Hi Truman,

        Thanks for posting.

        Maybe Freud was onto something there, but it is difficult for a great number of people to deal with and overcome how they were treated or mistreated by their parents – of course, he didn't have Click Tracks back then  ;)

        Freud was dealing with the conscious mind, so I don't agree that everyone could just consciously decide to not be affected by the behaviours of the very people upon whom your survival once depended. Parents have a unique insight into their children and can have an incredibly powerful impact on them.

        I have known and worked with people from a variety of age ranges and what their parents said, say, did or do to them can have profound and lasting consequences. It can really devastate them. And these are just the people who have that awareness. Other people blame themselves for everything.

        If “blame” and “responsibility” are different ends of the spectrum, I personally think it is important not to venture too far into either over-blame or over-responsibility. I mean that in a general way.

        With parents who had narcissistic characteristics, it is entirely possible you felt judged, second-best and not a priority. You would not be alone there, so well done on all the work you are doing on yourself and for the wisdom you have shared on the forum.

        In this case, you could possibly just keep it very simple.

        Simply imagine their behaviours, words and historical criticisms, try hard feel what you felt and CT it.

        So, for example, you could try hard to feel like the 10-year old version of you whilst imagining your father's passive-aggressive behaviour…and then run the CT on it until it is completely neutral.

        You could then do the same, running a separate CT whilst thinking your mother's behaviour.

        I hope that helps, Truman.

        All the best,

        Paul  :)

        Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner

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        PSTEC User

          Yes indeed it really helps. Thank you for your advice Paul it is always insightful and appreciated

          Peter Bunyan
          PSTEC User

            Hi Truman
            Further to Pauls words.
            Firstly back to basics. Imagine yourself as an independant adult not affected now by negative stuff from your parents. What feelings are stopping you from imagining it? What resistance is there? These need to be Click Tracked If you can imagine it then it needs re-enforcing with Positives.
            You could if you have the package use the Hypnotic Time Machine to go back in time when you were 10 and stand behind yourself giving your younger self moral support to “stand up” to your parents which you couldn't do on your own. You could then go forward in time to a near future visiting your parents and being unaffected by their behaviours. Sounds fantastical but that is truly using the power of your mind. With this package all sorts of solutions unique to you become possible. This especially with complex emotional situations which might be hard to get at with the usual PSTEC packages which work best with an accurate narrow focus.

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