PSTEC for suicidality & bipolar

[Brian TuckerPSTEC User]

4/29/2019
My other work has made it clear how poorly I manage the time that I have.  When I have free time I feel torn about what to work on first and often guilty whatever I choose first (Self improvement (PSTEC), excersise or housework).

This is a  far smaller problem than wanting to be dead or panicing about braces.  I did  think about the cost of the braces early in the day, but not panicing. 

Ideas?

PQT:

It's an absolute true fact that no one is perfect now
I will remember that absolutely no one is perfect now
Every action I take is super easy to do from now on
Every action I take feels effortless to do from now on
Every change I make is super easy to do from now on
I will now find better ways to manage the time I have
I now realize there are better ways to manage the time I have
When I have free time, I easily choose what to work on first
Prioritizing my work comes much easier for me from now on
I now really enjoy getting the most out of my free time
I feel so much better about what I choose to do right now
My choices become so much easier with every decision I make now
Every time I make decisions my choice is easier now
Making decisions becomes much easier for me every time now

[JenPSTEC User]

Those are great Thank you!

Yesterday I did a PTQ on:
God is working everything out for me

and later on my walk

“God will take care of me.”

Last night I was reminded that we have money in stocks for the furnace & part of the braces.  We decided on which new furnace & heat pump to get.  Also I had a nice visit with a visiting cousin.

This morning I feel much more peaceful, even though the counter is cluttery and the couch is imperfect.  (I was about to say the house is a disaster, which it's actually not. 

Hopefully doing PQT now that things calmed down will make next time things are tricky, much better.

[JenPSTEC User]

Besides click tracking what was bothering me and a few of my own, I have PQT these so far:

It's an absolutely true fact that no one is perfect now
I will remember that absolutely no one is perfect now
Every action I take is super easy to do from now on
Every action I take feels effortless to do from now on

They have been very helpful.

Thank you, Brian

[JenPSTEC User]

May 9th-

Part way through yesterday, I had a lot of anxiety, but it ended up being a great day.  I didn't make time to click in the middle of it, but it still turned around.  I'm guessing the former work helped with that.

Clicking brought clarity last night.

18 min- BB “Unpleasant emotions were dangerous” thinking of getting spanked & social isolation.

18 min-BB “I was helpless.” Thinking of being a child originally, but moving onto feeling helpless with my daughter's health issues.

Yesterday I meant to do “People were naturally bad.” but somehow it ended up being people are naturally bad.”  I feel like I worked through a lot with it.  Even if I phrased it in the present tense I was thinking of ancient history.

There are SO many things to click.  I'm wondering if I should redo it correctly or just leave it.

[Brian TuckerPSTEC User]

Here are a few great beliefs for you to blast

Life is unbearable
The world should be fair
The world should be just

CT This —-> There are SO many things to click.  I'm wondering if I should redo it correctly or just leave it.

CT the feelings – fear – of being afraid of unpleasant feelings and/or anxiety

CT the feelings that bad feelings will happen again/come back

Get these all to 1 or 0

[JenPSTEC User]

Thank you

BB first thing to come to mind, first thing. The morning.
BB12 no – Life had to be a struggle.

PQT- while “Life is easier now that I'm living by grace.”
PQT while washing dishes “Life is better now that I”m living by grace.”

Shortly later I got really worked up, on the verge of tears… trying to get to work on time.

Then I click tracked once I got there (early.)
Once I was calmer I
10 min. BB-Life is unbearable (which was far more believable than yesterday.)

When I picked my daughter up from her 1.5 hours at school she was in big tears because one of her best friends doesn't want to be friends anymore.  I talked to her calmly about it.  Not so long ago I would have fallen apart, that I didn't know how to teach her social skills… So it went well for what was going on. 

Last night I click tracked:
CT This —-> There are SO many things to click.  I'm wondering if I should redo it correctly or just leave it.
and bing afraid of anxiety.

I didn't get either down to zero but came up with the idea to use the emotional eraser.

I did the emotional eraser on being afraid of anxiety, but I was sleepy and distracted so I did it again first thing this morning. (It was my first time with this & I'm easily distracted & not sure it's working.)

Then I did 12 min BB- on “I couldn't get the click tracks to zero.”

The next part involves my faith so it that offends anyone you may want to skip it.  It's too much a part of my process to leave it out.

Then BB- “Anxiety was bad/sinful.”
Then BB- Anxiety/sin had to be avoided.

I saw how ironic it is to have anxiety over future anxiety and that that isn't avoiding it at all.  I thought about how skipping out on parts of life to avoid anxiety is not the same as avoiding substance abuse by not trying things, or staying away from strip clubs…  Instead of avoiding anxiety is staying away from regular life because I'm not willing to trust God is enough to get me through it or that if I sin it's forgiven or that the Holy Spirit lives in me and will get me through it.

---

When that was done, I did my daily thankfulness from yesterday.  I list 10 things each day. 

I was feeling gleeful with the list, untill I got to this one:
Thank you God that Sarah recovered so well, and happy from her sad recess. It's really amazing to see how active listening and compassion can turn things around. It's encouraging to see that things can turn around at all. Basically, these are the life moments that I didn't think I had the right social skills to help her with, but it worked out fine. Which is very wonderful.

I do them on a Facebook post to my close friends group.  I added and then deleted that “I had been through freinds ditching me on a youth trip and didn't recover for years if ever.” 

So then I click tracked that.  I remember during the same trip how the youth sponsor threateded to send me home, by bus, because i skipped a class.  I'd often thought how I should have just got off on the wrong spot and disappeared forever.  After all I lost all my friends at once.

While clicking I remembered some team work with one of the friends after the event and how she really was a good friend.  I thought of another one, a cousin, who I'm on friendly terms with now, but still kind of scared of/ feel rejected by.  Even though facts don't line up with the way I feel- I felt disconeccted and alone for years, desipight having many friends.  I expect I was disconnected and lacking social skills & support to start with or the even would have been more like Sarah's yesterday… easily recovered from. 

I have used the time machine, two stops, on this event- about a month ago.

As I clicked it today, tears rolled down my cheeks wondering what would have happened if I'd disappeared.  How my parents would have reacted if Jason had sent me on a grey hound home.  (I didn't miss anymore classes, and wouldn't have without the treat, so I got to stay and expereience a week of missery.)  I also thought how useless it was to prevent a 17 year old from going to 3 days of growth classes, because she missed one/ or two.  That is useless punishment that goes against your goal in taking a group to such a confrence. 

As I clicked on feeling alone, I thought of Grandma and our wonderful visits.  I also thought of how i got in trouble for staying at her house after curfew.  That was so misunderstood.  (I was told curfew was because, “there's nothing good to do after midnight.”  Singing with Grandma playing the piano & talking with her was good.  (Of course Mom wanted to go to bed knowing I was safe would have been a logic reason, which was probably more of the real reason.) 

Then I thought of how Grandma use to say my X-boy friend was so handsome.  I felt uncomfortable because she didn't know he'd cheated on me.  Remembering that while I click tracked, I wondered why I didn't telll this wonderful accepting Grandma/ friend the real reason we broke up.  Maybe because sex was an uncomfortable topic.  Maybe because she'd feel too bad for me.  It doesn't make sense to not be open with the one person who you could be.

I thought of doing Cascade on this, but clicked it first.  I've rarely to ever managed to click things down to zero.

BB- life should have been fair ( Which seems very believable right up until the end of the track.  I didn't sense a change.)
OBlige should have been good
BB-I should have been happy
_____…………..
5-12
Here are a few great beliefs  you have me to blast- could I phase then like this to be past tense?

The world should have been fair
The world should have been just
—
update: done with those.  Former questions no longer relevant. 

[bobbyPSTEC User]

Jen, try this….

First, the moment you go into this kind of thinking, it scares you some level and you are in a hypnotic trance. That trance just draws more and more energy to it.

The first thing to do is to break the trance. There are two methods. One is meditation. It allows you to see the thoughts and be detached from them. But that's not the one I would recommend first.

There is a brilliant technique called FasterEFT and there are 1,500 videos on youtube for you to explore. It will break the trance and is the opposite of hypnosis…and when you do it other thoughts or memories may come up. You can clear all of them to the point of their origin. Even better, see a practioner as you may have a abreaction (tears, wailing, ect) and they can guide you though it. It removes depression, anxiety, ptsd, bi-polar, ect. You'll probably not need more than a handful of sessions. In my opinion, it's superior to EMDR.

Next, you may want to get some pictures of yourself and put them into chronological order. Before you go to sleep, start to cultivate a feeling of loving-kindness, if you have to draw it from someone you love more than yourself, use that feeling. And then work through the pictures giving loving-kindness to yourself chronologically, feeling for yourself, compassion kindness, generosity, appreciation and accepting yourself as you are in in the time and place you now inhabit. When you look at those pictures treat yourself as if you were your own best friend or a lovable new born baby. Do this last thing at night and first thing in the morning. At least for three weeks. You'll feel different after a few days but three weeks will cement it in.

Add 10 or 15 minutes of meditation too as it will allow you to detach from your thoughts and catch you habitual thought patterns. 

Then, over a hot beverage, get a piece of paper and picking on a thought strand, start to write all the negatives ideas that stem from it. Then get another piece of paper and write the complete opposite, what you would like to occur. Make it positive and present tense. Use the first person (some also use second person). Repeat these first thing in the morning and last thing at night. You can also record them onto your phone and even play a instrumental music track in the background and then transfer them onto an mp3 player. Play this over night and let it sink into the subconscious whilst you sleep.

Lastly, you can use “Havening Technique” (again youtube it), which occurs during the deepest and most relaxing parts of the sleep cycle.

Two other aspects, try 'Time Restricted Eating' by Rhonda Patrick which will get your bodily systems in line, including your sleep cycle.

The other aspect is supplementation: Magnesium is essential as it is depleted via stress, booze, caffiene and it's lack is one of the leading causes of depression, anxiety, ect. B3 (full flush niacin) is another that is essential. Start small as it will make you flush. They work as part of the b vitamin family, so a b complex is excellent.

And lastly a gratitude journal and happy memories one too.
All the above remove wounds (traumas), calm the nervous system, change the way you feel and think about yourself.

[JenPSTEC User]

Thank you, Bobbi, that was a very long clear explanation. 

It makes sense that the trance would be scary, making it less effective.

I've used Nacian with vitamin C, and magnesium to help with sleep in the past.

I've been keeping a gratitude journal/ Facebook posts to my close friends for about 20 days now.

I also started a 21-day brain detox by Dr Leaf that is fabulous.  It feels like I'm really making progress with it.

Perhaps all the work with PSTEC, vitamins, healthy living & therapy is all working together with the brain detox.  It seems like this was the missing piece or maybe what I was searching for all along.  Things are going well now. 

Thank you for caring & helping.

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