Severe PTSD
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eloithHi, I have been using PSTEC for about 3 months, mostly about an hour daily (sometimes more) for my lifelong agonising emotional pain which dogs me night and day. As I don't have any overall improvement i'd appreciate some guidance. The emotional pain is worst after meals, so that is when I use the click tracks. i initially used both the CTs for emotions and the Pos and Neg for clearing beliefs, but since hearing a talk by Tim saying that when there is a lot of strong emotion, one should use the ordinary CTs/EEFs to clear the emotion before progressing to beliefs, I have been using the EEFs, and for the past month the 2015 CTs and focusing on the emotional pain that comes up.
During sessions, as specific emotions come up I focus on them…. as often as possible I use any associated memory, or choose a memory to use with the feeling. However there is one feeling that seems to be at the foundation, and this is an intense fear that I have not been able to get any relief or change on at all. i'll just describe where this fear comes from: in my 20s when i started meditating, I started getting memories of being at my mother's breast with a strong feeling of her resenting me, begrudging me her milk. In either meditating or crying/processing emotions over the years this memory has recurred many times. As I have stayed with it, the predominant emotion that has emerged is an overwhelmingly intense fear….in response to the memory that has emerged of her anger towards me. (i know I was an unwanted child from a conversation with my mother before she died in 1996 and anger was the main emotion i got from her in early childhood.) During the PSTEC sessions, more and more it is this fear that comes up as the most basic emotion to focus on. it is so intense that it is impossible to fully feel it most of the time, with a lot of gasping and shaking. i have not managed to reduce it at all during the sessions, and in general I can't say my daily emotional pain has reduced either. What I do get is insights into the multi layers of emotion/belief/attitude. In the talk of Tim's that i mentioned he said that if you plug away at the emotions eventually there is a tipping point where some work on beliefs can start to be effective, or you can just keep working on the emotions and they will eventually shift. However i am afraid that I may be retraumatising myself by accessing this overwhelmingly intense fear, and it hasn't shifted at all, so I am wondering if there's something i'm doing wrong or something more i could be doing to speed up the process?
I heard a talk by Andy Eckley who sounded like he is experienced in working with PTSD, and tried to contact him thru his website by filling in his questionnaire, but disappointingly did not hear back. Any input appreciated – thank you.
Peter BunyanHi eloith
Yes using the CTs first is strongly recommended. If you cannot start with that main memory then a “nibbling away around the edges” approach might work for you. CTing any negative emotions that arise when thinking of your Mother or any more distinct memories with less intense feelings. When you have had some success with these then you can start on the main issue when you feel confident that the CT will reduce the emotions.
So yes keep plugging away but rather than tackle the issue head on, go around it.
Your subconscious does not much like change. You can also soften it up first by Click Tracking an imagined future where perhaps you are stuck with your issues forever. Such a scenario is probably not a pleasant thought for you. so CT the feelings around it.
Once you have started a CT try to keep on with that initial issue rather than swap to other things as they come up. This might be hard but it is likely to be more effective. The other things can be placed in the CT queue of things to Click on later. You need the numbers after the CT to be lower, this way you know that it works for you. You need to build the confidence in PSTEC to strengthen it's effectiveness.
Any more questions, please fire away.
PetereloithHi Peter
Thanks so much for your suggestions on this, going around the edges makes sense – I will try them out.
Eloith.Dr Steve PriceHi Eloith
It's interesting that you mention an associative connection between emotional pain after mealtimes and a perceived recollection of 'angry rejection' at your mother's breast isn't it?
It's worth reminding yourself that you don't need to live another's anger on their behalf – you are not responsible – and also because it won't make them feel any better. Instead, you can say that they are going through a tough time and might feel better with some respect and compassion. Take time to listen, offer some options, if necessary be willing to accept they're not on your wavelength and finally be willing to walk away.
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