Shyness…social anxiety

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  • #21328
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC User

    Hi all,

    Martin in Ireland here. I just joined and am delighted to find a forum on PSTEC. I've had a quick look through the archives and spotted a few links to articles/audios that I'll definitely have to check out.

    I first came across PSTEC a few months back. I've had some experience with EFT and found a link to the main site via an EFT practitioner on Twitter. My initial experiences with the free stuff were very positive – I found a couple of sessions with the click tracks completely lifted my mood. I didn't give it enough time or commitment though and it quickly fell by the wayside. Last Friday, however, I purchased the Level 1 audios and am determined to get the most out of PSTEC. Again I've found it's had a great effect on my mood – I was in really bad form for much of last week and that's basically gone now! There's still a lot I would love to accomplish with it though.

    Like a lot of people (from what I've read so far on here), my main aim is to improve my self-confidence. I've always been quite shy and at 28, it's something I feel I really need to work on now, as it's holding me back in life. I also have a lot of trouble with my sinuses, which often makes it difficult for me to speak clearly – an embarrassing and frustrating condition which I really believe I have subconsciously 'created', perhaps as a self defence mechanism to keep me from expressing myself. I've tried all sorts of conventional and alternative therapies for this, to no effect. I really believe that this condition will clear up itself once I grow in confidence.

    I've used the click tracks on various memories associated with my social anxiety, going back to my early years at school to more recent experiences at work. I do feel like I've made progress and often other, forgotten but related memories spring up – just as Tim suggests on one of the audios, and I work on these too. Also while working with the CTs I sometimes get sudden 'insights' and even physical sensations in my body (like minor muscle spasms), again it seems this is quite common with PSTEC.

    However, so far I don't feel like my social anxiety has really lessened. Admittedly it's only been a few days! But it does feel like there's a block there and I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure if I still need to do more tapping on the same old (or recent) memories – most didn't have particularly strong emotions attached to them to start with, and they're probably even more 'neutral' now, so I'm not sure what more I can do with them. I might start tapping on imagined future experiences, like Tim suggests. I have tried PSTEC Positive and while the first couple of times it felt like I was getting somewhere, it soon felt like I'd hit a ceiling with it. Maybe that means I need to do more clearing work first. But this was my issue with EFT too: I'd leave my therapist feeling great and that I'd made progress, but then at work the next morning I'd feel like nothing had changed.

    Anyway, just thought I'd share my experiences so far. I'd be very interested to hear anyone's comments on anything I've mentioned, or even any tips anyone might have. Sorry for writing so much! Kind regards,

    Martin

    ********************

    Hi all,

    Just to follow on from what I wrote above, I was doing some tapping just now and I think I now 'get' it, helped by reading other people's posts on here. I'd been tapping on old experiences where I felt anxious but I wasn't really getting into the feelings themselves. For instance, I was tapping on memories of social situations that in my mind didn't go as well as I would've liked, but I wasn't exploring the underlying fears within me that were behind the awkwardness/self-consciousness e.g. WHY the thought of speaking in front of a group at work scares me. I've done a couple of rounds of tapping on the feelings that came up (e.g. 'I'm just not as confident a speaker as X' or 'This is out of my comfort zone') and the emotions were definitely more uncomfortable – a sign that I'm getting somewhere, I think. Anyway, I'll keep tapping and let you know how I get on!

    Martin

    #22396
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi Martin!

    I appreciate you sharing your experiences… openly talking bout this can not only help you, but others as well…mahalo for that gift!

    My first comment is you are moving along very well in terms of allowing the experiences and feelings to come up… sometimes it takes a bit to allow the feelings and the memories to surface consciously, so persistence is the number one characteristic necessary for any change work because while there are guidelines, well, rules are always proven wrong at some juncture by someone.

    Also, good point regarding the PSTEC Positive (PP)… there are two basic results when running PP:

    1. The Positive Statement or Target lands well and “feels” true and begins to give you confidence…
    2. It just does not seem quite right and the subconscious begins to serve up the reasons why it isn't.
    3. [/list]If #2 occurs, take that information from the sub… the gifts… and follow the feelings… the clues to the memories and feelings to use with the Click Tracks until the contrary thoughts and feelings are neutralized.

      Then, revisit with the PP again.

      So, in terms of social anxiety situations, if you can target a particular future event where you wish to participate, but without any anxiety, then you have something to target and work with that is tangible and where you can “test” out your progress in letting go.

      Here is a download link from a recent interview I have done with Meghan. She illustrates exactly what I am talking about here…
      (I have not published this yet, so you're getting one of the first listens to this… very nice contribution by Meghan)

      Lastly… consider purchasing the Accelerator Package and incorporating that with your PSTEC work… it will speed things up for you… hence the title! :- )

      Aloha!

      Jeff

    #22397
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC User

    Hi Martin,

    Thanks for bringing up that popular perception and while I am not saying it is wrong, it is used out of context and you touched on that as well.

    Think about this in regards to “…delving too much into the negative…”; if you wish to avoid the negative, what is the reason? Is it fear of making it real? Well, when avoidance or fear enter your BEing, then there will be conflict. In other words, it is an indication of disharmony within your mind between the subconscious and conscious mind.

    So, as far as dealing with the negative, you are merely identifying it (as you said) in order to heal, let go, etc.

    When using the PP, as I said in this thread, you are either using it to achieve that desire or to help expose the barriers in the way. You are not focusing on the negatives as they come up, but you are also not avoiding them. They have been presented to your conscious mind by the subconscious for your consideration and choice…

    1. You can either heal and let it go… allow forgiveness of others and self to enter…

      or

    2. You can ratify or approve of that barrier by agreement outwardly to comply and continue with that memory or memories and emotions… and/or… just ignore it, which the subconscious takes as approval to hand onto the junk… to keep the negative near and dear to your heart (thereby closing it down).
    3. [/list]
      So, avoiding or ignoring the negative is not a long-term successful strategy.

      Again, as you said, Identify them,run the Click Track and be done with them!

      Aloha!

      Jeff

    #22398
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi Martin,

    Thanks for bringing up that popular perception and while I am not saying it is wrong, it is used out of context and you touched on that as well.

    Think about this in regards to “…delving too much into the negative…”; if you wish to avoid the negative, what is the reason? Is it fear of making it real? Well, when avoidance or fear enter your BEing, then there will be conflict. In other words, it is an indication of disharmony within your mind between the subconscious and conscious mind.

    So, as far as dealing with the negative, you are merely identifying it (as you said) in order to heal, let go, etc.

    When using the PP, as I said in this thread, you are either using it to achieve that desire or to help expose the barriers in the way. You are not focusing on the negatives as they come up, but you are also not avoiding them. They have been presented to your conscious mind by the subconscious for your consideration and choice…

    1. You can either heal and let it go… allow forgiveness of others and self to enter…

      or

    2. You can ratify or approve of that barrier by agreement outwardly to comply and continue with that memory or memories and emotions… and/or… just ignore it, which the subconscious takes as approval to hand onto the junk… to keep the negative near and dear to your heart (thereby closing it down).
    3. [/list]So, avoiding or ignoring the negative is not a long-term successful strategy.

      Again, as you said, Identify them,run the Click Track and be done with them!

      Aloha!

      Jeff

    #22399
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC User

    Hi Jeff,

    I was away from the computer for a few days so just getting a chance to reply to you now. I like how you explained this issue in terms of disharmony between your conscious mind (which wants to change) and your subconscious (which has old limiting beliefs and may be resistant to change). I find sometimes that I'm reluctant to do the click tracks because there are thoughts within me which I don't want to acknowledge or deal with, and like you suggest, this isn't a good thing.

    On a related note, sometimes it can be disheartening when the old limiting beliefs seem to have such a strong hold on you. For instance, I was recently at a wedding where I felt socially awkward several times throughout the day and evening. I assume (hope!) however that you don't need to work on every single time you experienced those old patterns, that you can make progress and start to shift the old beliefs by clearing some of the major memories associated with them. Thanks again for your feedback.

    Martin

    #22400
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hey Martin,

    Transparency… consider that along your path. As Tim says, the thoughts, the mind model; they are not “You.” They are merely something you are possessing or as I like to say sometimes, hanging on to with dear life.

    So, be willing to be transparent with yourself. Be the observer of the feelings and events as they come through. They cannot harm you.

    There is a wonderful PSTEC Interview coming out this week with Karen… be sure to listen in to that one as she describes how she handles those issues coming to her attention. True, not always easy, but once you realize they do not harm you…not truly… then you can observe, click and be done.

    Watch them as they come as you sit in certain situations like the wedding.. .make note of them… then back to your laboratory and click away… reduce the emotions… go back out there and see what happens.

    When these issues arise, it truly is a gift of communication… of identification… where you find out what's in the way of your perfection… of the infinite possibilities that are your birthright, my friend.

    Remember this, the emotions do not have a hold on you… you are holding them. You created them… you are allowing the maintenance of them. The letting go is easy, but it's the fear of what is on the other side, so if you can look at that… the possibilities on the other side and handle those fears… then the letting go becomes easy, quick, simple!

    No, you don't need to deal with each and every memory and thoughts. Ah, but be willing to do it… that does not mean you have to go through them all.. .just be willing to do whatever it takes for however long because this work… this emotional work… is all that matters. Take that stance and make it a priority because as you do, the freedom will follow naturally.

    Aloha!

    Jeff

    #22401
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC User

    Thanks Jeff, that all makes a lot of sense. There's no need to get depressed every time you identify something else you need to work on, like you say it's a gift. I read a good quote recently about how scrubbing a dirty pan brings all the gunk to the surface, but after a bit of necessary effort it's good as new.

    And the willingness is key – if there's something I 'couldn't be be bothered' tapping on then maybe that's telling me something.

    You know, even already I would tentatively say I'm feeling a little more confident, yet there's still so much more that can be done with this.

    Martin

    #22402
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Mahalo for your comments, my good man!

    There are no limits… this is Truth. The limits are merely our illusion… our mind model construct. But, it may take time to let go of the familiar and “cozy” illusions, so be patient and kind with yourself.

    Move boldly forward and relish in the ah-hahs… when you stub your toe, just clear it away and continuing moving forward. You will be fine and as you get closer and closer to your Truth of infinite possibilities… your birthright… then it will become behavior and completely under your control.

    As you said, “… there's still so much more than can be done…”; absolutely! In fact, that's all that really matters!

    Good Job!!!!

    Aloha!

    Jeff

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