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- July 10, 2011 at 7:36 am#21354Jeff HardingPSTEC User
I've been using PSTEC daily and very intensively for the past two months and a half with some amazing successes (free and purchased tracks). However, when it comes to my social anxiety, I've made some progress here and there, but it's been superficial at best. I've been tapping on old memories, new memories, trying to get to the root of it all. I'm starting to get very discouraged because even after two months of making PSTEC my daily routine, I don't know if I'm getting anywhere. I keep going because I've had fabulous results in other areas (that I’m very grateful for), but I feel that my social anxiety is really my biggest and most debilitating issue. I desperately want to get to the bottom of it, but right now I’m starting to lose hope.
I feel at a loss because even though I've run many memories through the click tracks… I’m starting to think that no matter how many I do run through, maybe it just won’t matter. As a child, I basically grew up with a bully (older brother), and so how does one deal with over a decade of painful memories that pretty much happened on a regular (if not daily) basis? I couldn’t possibly run through all those memories even if I did remember them all. I’m hoping that maybe if I access some root memories, it’ll take the power out of the rest, but so far I feel like I haven’t made any kind of progress that provides lasting relief for me. Even PSTEC positive feels like I’m just pasting affirmations on top of something deeper.
I have to remind myself to be patient. I’ve had huge successes with PSTEC. I’d been suicidal for as long as I could remember, and PSTEC pretty much wiped away the deep suffering that perpetuated that. That's HUGE and I still marvel at how amazing it is to be free of such deep despair, even if it’s not completely gone. My moments of panic and despair are getting fewer and farther in between, but then… whenever I get in that place again, it feels like it’s always been that way and that PSTEC isn’t helping, etc etc etc… and all kinds of other debilitating thoughts. In those moments, I have to remind myself that the inner child doesn’t know time — when it’s triggered it only knows it’s current despair which feels like forever, like the pain has always been there, and will always be there. It doesn’t and can’t take into account all the successes and all the progress and all the wonderful days in between, no matter how much undeniable proof can be thrown in its face. And so I find myself not always trusting my own perception of “how I’m doing” because I know how those few despairing moments tend to color and distort things… How they tend to convince me that my life is, and could never be anything else other than, a hopeless and worthless pile of crap.
So I write this post in conflict. I know I’m doing amazing… and part of me feels like it’s the opposite. In all honesty, does it even matter? I am where I am, wherever that is, and that’s better than where I was. And that's amazing, and part of me wonders why I'm even writing this post in the first place? I think I just need someone to tell me to keep going. Okay, yes, I could tell that to myself… but no. It’s not the same. Just say it. Someone, tell me I’ll get somewhere, dammit. Should I keep going? Because I honestly don’t know what I’m doing sometimes. Half the time I feel like it’s a shot in the dark with the click tracks. Other times I get impatient and just starting jumping from memory to memory. Sometime I feel like I’m doing it wrong, like I’m not focusing in the right way, but I honestly don’t know any other way of doing it. Sometime I don’t want to do it any other way. Ugh, I get so exasperated at seeing how my own mind ties itself up in knots.
Someone will probably tell me to talk to a PSTEC therapist. And they’d probably be right. What I need most is someone to bounce stuff off of. Even just sending this long hunk of a rant out into the universe will do me good, as I do feel better having written it. Sorry that this ended up being something of a vent, but I have so many thoughts going around in my head with no outlet, no wonder the mad hatter within is starting to catch up with me. ;p Anyway, thanks to anyone reading. Any feedback, thoughts, tips would be appreciated.
MaryamJuly 10, 2011 at 7:45 am#22463Jeff HardingPSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator
Ok, first suggestion, talk to a PSTEC therapist… ok, sorry, I couldn’t resist that one. :- )
You have some wonderful awareness in many ways and so I am encouraged, as I hope you are too, by all that you have done. All the results YOU have experienced as a result of the action that YOU have taken.
So, first of all…
Stand up and I want everyone that is reading along with this… does not matter when or where… and I want everyone to give you a wonderful pat on the back and if you are open to it, let them give you an unconditional caring hug because you have come a long way. Do you feel it, Maryam? There are more people than you know pulling for you… those that are following along with you and those that have been through what you are going through.
Alright, now, onward and upward…
Here are some wonderful words that are coming out from you… very nice!
- amazing successes (free and purchased tracks)
- I've had fabulous results in other areas (that I’m very grateful for)
- I’ve had huge successes with PSTEC.
- I’d been suicidal for as long as I could remember, and PSTEC pretty much wiped away the deep suffering that perpetuated that. That's HUGE and I still marvel at how amazing it is to be free of such deep despair…
- My moments of panic and despair are getting fewer and farther in between…
- I know I’m doing amazing
- I am where I am, wherever that is, and that’s better than where I was. And that's amazing…
[/list]There is quite a bit there to celebrate! Once again, good job. So, what you really need now is to produce more success, just like that! Are you up for it?
Success when using PSTEC is just a matter of targeting… getting the CT pointed in the right direction or using the PSTEC Positive (PP) in the appropriate situation.
You have mentioned social anxiety as an issue and what I have seen is that specific repatterning can be very helpful in that regard.
So, a great example of that is the interview I did with Meghan about her social anxiety situation and how she handled that all on her own using PSTEC. Be sure to check that out… Interview Recording with Meghan
So, begin by isolating a target in a social way that you would like to see manifest physically. You will use this specific target to help you expose the specific emotional issues as well as belief and behavior issues that may be in the way of having a True J.E.E.P. experience in this particular targeted social situation.
Don’t worry about ANYTHING else… just this particular social situation.
- It helps you consciously focus on the communication (via images, emotions, feelings, memories, etc.) regarding this particular issue so that you can address them using the appropriate PSTEC tool.
- It gives you a specific way to measure your progress.
- It will encourage the subconscious (sub) to expose the issues that are contrary to that target or desire so that you can then consciously make the choice to clear them out of your way.
- Quite often when you deal with the issue in a specific way like this, you find your overall perceptions change or clear up as well because it’s ALL connected.
- Creates an environment… when you focus properly on this ONE specific issue… where you don’t get distracted as much by multiple issues… just handle this ONE issue!
- Will you get where you desire? Of course!
- Should you continue? Absolutely! (unless you wish to stop making progress and give up your desires. :- ) Of course, always continue … you may have to adjust your strategy, but keep moving forward. What else are you going to do, continue living unnecessarily with limitations and suffering?
[/list]Again, listen in to Meghan… a great listen and illustration on all these points!
You may have been doing some nice general clearing which gave you some incredible results… once again, Bravo!
So, now it’s time to take this particular issue that is left on the shelf and work with it.
Some side notes for you…
**** Regarding the multiple bullying issues surrounding your brother… find the most common thread of that bullying. Was it a certain action he did… a particular look he gave you during the bullying… maybe something he said. Look for the most intense aspects and pair that up with the emotions.
You may have to CT several particular aspects that represent the bullying to you and also deal with more than one emotion.
But, do you have to do all of the memories? No. But, look for the most intense experiences… and the aspects that are common as I mentioned above.
****Also, there are several belief issues in your letter and it’s too lengthy to get to them, but remember, you handle belief and behavior issues with PP, not the CT or EEF. Also, when dealing with belief issues and using PP, be sure the emotional blocks are handled or at least very low. If the emotions are high, do not begin using PP in most situations.
[/list]I want you to do something else here… be aware of your changes. Be aware and awake to the success. As you have already done and continue to pulll yourself up (did I already say “Good Job”?) and transcend these limitations, this shift and change will never happen quite like this again. Coming out of these issues… once you have shifted away from them… they will not appear again in the same way. The feeling of overcoming them as you are doing will never be duplicated because once you are fully free, you will never find your way back there again.
So revel in your success with the feelings of finding more and more freedom each time you do a CT or PP!
Remember, as a good friend of mind here on the island says,“Self Awareness, without Self Kindness, is Self Abuse.”
Continue being patient… and be kind… your sub is childlike, so treat it as such… with patience and unconditional caring as you would when teaching a young one something new.
Look back and notice how much progress you have made… incredible! Just keep going with that.
Maybe you need just a session or two with someone to get you over this hump… it’s ok to ask for help. Someone to help sort out the issues a bit, prioritize the work and then point out your success… there’s plenty there, by the way, in case you did not notice.
PS And you thought you could ramble in your writing!July 10, 2011 at 7:52 am#22464Jeff HardingPSTEC User
I had the same problem with certain issues. I found a way that works for me.
Say these statements out loud while looking in a mirror:
I'm not acceptable. Then just use the CT on the feeling that comes up , repeat until there is nothing left
I'm not normal…
I'm not good enough…
I don't fit in…
I'm not like other people
everyone is like (brother's name)
everyone sees me like (brother's name)
I can never be safe because everyone is like (brother's name)
I will get hurt like (brother's name) hurt me if I am myself
I am still a small, vulnerable, unwanted person
no one protected me
no one will ever protect me
I cannot/did not protect myself
I am not safe in the world
Then look in the mirror and really realize that you are not that small person anymore and no one can make you feel like that again unless you allow it. Really..Really understand that you are not who you were when everything bad happened.
Hope this helps…
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