Some help needed
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- February 28, 2019 at 9:07 am#22158LimagePSTEC User
I recently came across Pstec quite by accident but am struggling.
Struggling in my life and also with Pstec.
I want to try and be honest here. Please bear with me if it seems a bit scattered and indeed negative.
A bit about my current situation. I gave up working about 9 months ago to care for my wife who has a rare degenerative genetic condition, Huntingtons disease (HD). She was diagnosed about 4 years ago. We lost her mother to the same condition about that time.
Since being at home full time I have become entrapped in a spiral of depression and anxiety and am not coping well. Although I have a history of recurrent depression over the past 40 years I have never experienced the levels of anxiety with which I am now dealing.
Everything I do has a fear attached, even small mundane and routine things.
This fear has fed into everything especially in interaction with other people and the world. Elements of social anxiety and agoraphobia. I feel I have 'disappeared' somewhat. My mind is cloudy and I am finding it difficult to think straight.
I also get anxiety palpitations.
I am under the care of a GP (taking anti-dep meds) and am having some counselling.
I suppose I came to Pstec with some desperation as I wanted something fast and effective to help me.
I have been reading posts here in the forum and so far I have the basic free click tracks. I also have No More Anxiety and the Belief Blaster both of which I could ill afford due to our financial circumstances
I probably carry a lot of scepticism about the effectiveness of such a process working (for me). As part of a pattern that I carry I struggle to be organised and systematic in approaching something like this.
I have a lot of fear and anger regarding our current situation. I am having difficulty separating my wife's condition from her. I am finding it hard to accept the situation. I think it as to do with 'change' and as I perceive her 'imperfection'. It feels like I am angry with her for having HD.
She has become really dependent on me but seems happy to just go through simple routines during the day. I am finding it really difficult to deal with as each day feels like 'groundhog' day.
Part of me blames me for this. It's just that I feel so STUCK and can't see how to break out of it. I feel paralysed like a rabbit in the headlights.
We are really socially isolated.
What is playing out in our relationship to me is reflective of how I have played out my life. Unsettled, restless, unfocused, pretty powerless, pretty useless, not deserving to be happy, dead end jobs, wanting to run and escape, crap with money, filled with self doubt and loathing, feeling that I 'should be somewhere else doing something else', ashamed of my own family and upbringing, not being able to care about anyone else (!), constantly comparing myself to others, even total strangers, (I am a twin by the way), horrible feelings even around my real name.. I could go on and on. … So many issues….
I seem to spend most of my day wrapped up with this stuff. Just sitting around rolling cigarettes. (People with HD tend to smoke a lot due to a lack of motivation, I seem to have that lack of motivation also.
I am aware of how scared and afraid I am of her(!) and around her. (Anticipating, what next, trying to please her and keep things calm…). Issues around women, methinks.
I also have so much resentment about being her carer.
Although I am new to the process I can already feel a huge resistance to it 'working' for me. (Inner voice says it's all ridiculous…. Was brought up in a very conservative setting..)
Nevertheless I suppose I am somewhat desperate for something which I gather may not be helpful.
I am also pursuing Pstec in secret. That is my wife is not aware of this as she comes from a science perspective on things…
I am not getting on with any of the audio packages. I find them really difficult to listen to, particularly the click tracks.
I find a resentment comes up around those who are having or have had some progress or success. Its like anything like this will not work for me.
Over the past couple of weeks I have become somewhat fixated with Pstec and the forum. Desperation again.
I understand, in my head, that it important to break things down to manageable levels but I can't seem to DO that.
Also I don't get the 'try hard' to feel/believe stuff.
I do think it would be good to do some work with a practitioner but I cannot afford it for now.
I would like to say that I have a pattern around dropping any self help/support when I have come out of previous episodes of depression etc.
Thank you for your patience if you read this. If you have any advice or encouragement I will be grateful. Please feel free to ask any questions.February 28, 2019 at 12:10 pm#26454Peter BunyanPSTEC User
Firstly don't give up on PSTEC! It can and will work for you, only if you keep on using it. It is based on accepted pyschological principals, it is not woo woo or psuedo science. What is new about it is the packaging of simultaneous techniques to make them more efficient, more than the sum of their parts. The system is not as well known as we would like but Tim who created it, whose voice you hear on the tracks is also a carer for his multiple transplantee wife.
The Click Tracks are difficult, the instructions may be simple but that is not the same as easy. They are designed that way it is part of what makes them work. Rather than trying hard to feel/believe think of it as focusing on one particular issue for example that “resentment” about being a carer. If your mind wanders while listening just keep on gently stroking it back into focus on that one issue. If you cannot try another more minor issue. Yes I know it is easier said than done. It is very important to do an assesment of the intensity of feeling using the 0-10 scale both before and after a Click Track. A small change is all that is needed, small changes are built on with sucssessive play throughs. Once you know it works then bigger changes become possible.
Hope you find these words helpful.
PeterMarch 3, 2019 at 12:35 pm#26455LimagePSTEC User
Many thanks for your reply to my long post. I did have some trepidation about whether to post so much information.
Given I perceive that I have so many issues that need work I would appreciate some further guidance if possible.
I mentioned about my current emotional state of which a lot is connected to our present circumstances. However, this has pushed me up against some older stuff and patterns.
You advised taking my time getting familiar with the process.
I am keen to shift some of the anxiety/depression as quickly and efficiently as possible.
I have the basic CT's and Belief Blaster.
I have identified a number of beliefs that are running concurrently. There seems to be strong basic ones of 'I was not good enough', 'I should be doing something else/I should be somewhere else', 'I can't love or care for another' for example. I also have one of 'others should suffer' and of 'feeling trapped'
There are memories over which I have ruminated for years. Running the CT on them doesn't seem to help at the moment.
I suppose I am wondering whether I might need any of the other Pstec tools in order to kick start the process. I am drawn to perhaps one of, Level 1, 2015 or Accelerators but am unsure.
Thanks againMarch 4, 2019 at 12:16 pm#26456Paul McCabePSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator
Thank you for sharing everything you have shared.
Just to address your reply to Peter:
Yes, by all means, blast those beliefs you identified.
Make sure they are in the past tense.
Check to see if any of these resonate with you too:
– “I'm not capable”
– “I can't cope”
– “I'm trapped”
– “Nothing works”
– “Everything is unfair”
– “Change is difficult”
– “Change takes too long”
– “I can't do anything right”
– “I'm beyond help”
Say them out loud and see if they feel true/uncomfortable to say and then, if they do, put them into the past tense and blast them.
There are different ways to approach the emotional work but, given what you wrote, I sense you can CT anger about your current circumstances and life.
Various memories will be linked to this too. Try to hold onto the anger while working through memories where you felt powerless, helpless, desperate, cheated, hard done by, or that you had to fix everything etc.
You have lived a life here, so don't expect absolutely everything to resolve itself with one Click Track. Some ongoing work will be required, as you work through the memories and imagined outcomes (e.g. fear about the future)
All the tracks are extremely useful and help cement the changes, but it would probably be best to get some results with the tracks you currently own first.
Even though it probably feels very daunting, you are not on your own here. Please let us know how it goes and please reach out, if you need any additional clarifications or assistance.
All the best,
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…March 6, 2019 at 7:25 pm#26457Peter BunyanPSTEC User
The multi-faceted low self-worth/esteem you describe in for first post can also be countered by listening to this FREE track “Wealth of Abundance” This is a hypnotherapy track by Tim rather than PSTEC and works by building a sense of gratitude which builds self-worth. Listen everyday for a week or so and then at regular intervals thereafter. It works well with the Click Tracks and other PSTEC packages.
PeterMarch 9, 2019 at 11:25 am#26458LimagePSTEC User
Hi Paul and Peter
Many thanks for taking the time to reply and for your guidance.
I have had a small bit of movement with a relatively minor issue however I find I am being overwhelmed by the relentless of aspects of the bigger ones.
I don't get much time (and space (in my head also)) to do the Pstec work.
At the moment I am using Pstec in 'secret'. (Thought is how might I ct that one!)
With that in mind my thinking is to use the 2015 CT's as the tracks are shorter (for now) and there's the possibility of learning to use the other parts of the package later on. Eg wrap tool.
Fear (and anxiety) is permeating every aspect of my life. And I mean every aspect even down to seemingly mundane things. Eg, making tea, going to the supermarket, feeding my cat……etc
I know the protocol is to clear negative emotions firstly. Given that I am in such a negative place I cannot see any 'positive' aspect in my life. I seem to have become somewhat obsessed with Pstec but can't see how to improve and enrich my/our situation. I have made long lists of possible memories/emotions and possible beliefs but just get overwhelmed. Again I am aware of the encouragement to start slowly. Maybe I am just being over impatient.
(No reflection on Tim but I am finding his voice and style 'grating', perhaps ct that?)
Would there be any point in working with one or other of the Positive tools at this stage?
I also seem too carry a big belief that I don't deserve to be happy and that what I/we are going through is just 'typical'.
Sorry to sound off a bit again. It just feels like I am going through a nightmare at the moment and struggling.
Feels like a band of steel around my head!
Thank you for any helpMarch 9, 2019 at 5:43 pm#26459Peter BunyanPSTEC User
Re working with Positive tools at this stage. You have admitted that “Fear (and anxiety) is permeating every aspect of your life” This means that any positive suggestion you come up with would be “shot down in flames” by your negative feelings before you even started the track. With positives you need to believe that your suggestion might at least be possible. One exception might be to use a suggestion that PSTEC will help clear your issues (or similar).
Tim style is relentlessly positive and has to be. Yes CT it if you have negative feelings about it.
The improvements to your situation will become clearer as the “old mental baggage” gets moved out by the CTs.
“You don't deserve to be happy” Yes you do, it is everyones human right! That “don't deserve” is just another thing to CT. Overwhelmed by all the things to CT, that overwhelm feeling is just another thing to CT. You have made lists, excellent! Work through them one at a time and don't move on until it is cleared down to 1 ( on 0-10 scale). While it is perfectly understandable to feel impatient, that frustration is just another negative your mind is throwing up to block any change. You need to believe that PSTEC will work for you, without any sense of timescale, just let it do the work for you, trusting that your problems will melt away if you keep on chipping away at it. CT any feeling that comes up if you say that to yourself.
That “don't deserve to be happy” is a perfect example of low self-worth/esteem. “Wealth of abundance” which I mentioned before is an antidote to this.
Re other PSTEC packages. If you find your self saying mentally if not verbally the same old belief/phrase worded exactly the same way each time, which might initiate a string of tired old thoughts to circle around inside your head time and time again, then PSTEC Negative might be useful. This works for long standing negative phrases example you may have heard someone say “I'm no good at maths”. However as you already have the “Blaster” tracks then try these first.
Another PSTEC package that might help you are the PSTEC Accelerators these help to make all the other PSTEC tracks work more effectively. As much as I make a few dollars if you buy extra packages I'm more interested in getting you to keep on using the Click Tracks you already have.
Have you tried listening to any of the audio interviews the Jeff has done with sufferers who found that PSTEC worked for them? It worked for me otherwise I would not be writing this.
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