Struggling with Past Tense

Forums Questions on PSTEC Packages Belief Blasters Struggling with Past Tense

  • This topic has 1 reply, 2 voices, and was last updated 4 months ago by Jeff Harding.
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  • #28221
    Jennifer Whetham
    PSTEC User

    Hello, everyone!

    I have some specific issues I’d like to work on with Belief Blaster:

    “I am the problem” and “I am afraid of being abandoned.”

    For the first statement, I am torn between two different past tense versions:

    1) I was the problem
    2) I used to to be the problem

    For the second statement, I have generated the following:

    1) I was abandoned
    2) I was afraid of being abandoned
    3) People abandoned me

    This one is tricky because it is a recurrent fear in my relationship: that my partner will leave me. The truth is, I was NOT abandoned when I was little … so the “try, really try” to believe it … I’m not quite sure where the fear of my partner abandoning me is coming from.

    I guess the real fear I have is

    1) My partner will leave me [because]
    2) I am unloveable [and]
    3) I am not perfect [because]
    4) I am overweight
    5) I have gross feet
    6) I do gross things (too embarrassed to write them!) and I am gross (again, just too embarrassed to write down some of the specifics).

    So clearly there’s a LOT there.

    My partner is also very critical, and so I’m constantly feeling the weight of his explicit and implicit criticisms. Like, “If I don’t empty the dry dishes out of the sink before I add wet ones, my partner will think I am lazy [and break up with me].” Or “If I am too loud on the phone during my work meetings, my partner will find it annoying [and break up with me].”

    Or “I don’t feel good in any of my clothes; I feel unattractive and fat and ugly; [my partner will break up with me and find someone more attractive than me]”

    Or “my partner looks so attractive with that new haircut. My hair rarely looks that good even with a new haircut. he is more handsome than I am beautiful … he will break up with me.”

    So these are some of the things I’d like to work on, all stemming from that core fear of “My partner will leave me.” I’m not sure how to work with all this. Is Belief Blaster the best tool?

    #28223
    Jeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Aloha Jennifer!

    “I am the problem”
    1) I was the problem
    2) I used to to be the problem

    I personally go with #1 because it’s shorter although both can work … short is good!

    The one aspect of this is that it may be too general on its own.
    Problem in what terms? Being specific may well give you more effective references to address with the PSTEC Tools.
    ***********************
    “I am afraid of being abandoned.”

    With this, it’s true people can and do abandon other people.
    If, say, a child is dropped off at the doorstep of a convent by the mother (I’m thinking there was a movie done on this theme), then the mother did abandon the child… that is a fact.

    The question you want to ask yourself in order to delve a bit deeper is …
    “Why am I afraid of being abandoned?”
    What is the reason you are afraid?
    *********************
    Click Tracks and Emotions

    Another note worth mentioning here …

    … be sure to address the emotions surrounding the idea of being abandoned. Don’t just address beliefs if there are strong feelings around this. Consider the memories that you classify (not someone else’s definition, but yours) as being abandoned.

    If you move forward with this theme as stated, go with #2 because you are, in effect, addressing the fear of being abandoned.
    ***********************
    “This one is tricky because it is a recurrent fear in my relationship: that my partner will leave me. The truth is, I was NOT abandoned when I was little … so the “try, really try” to believe it … I’m not quite sure where the fear of my partner abandoning me is coming from.
    I guess the real fear I have is
    1) My partner will leave me [because]”

    I am going to break this from #1 above and you did state the “because” frame above… see that?

    So, consider this … if you found yourself lovable, wonderful, beautiful, etc.; is it more or less likely you would be afraid your partner would leave you? Perhaps you still would have some fear, but it would be less fearful.

    These beliefs are all separate ones, but are tied together under the banner of your self esteem… your definition of yourself… how you perceive yourself.

    “2) I am unloveable [and]
    3) I am not perfect [because]
    4) I am overweight
    5) I have gross feet”

    This one is a behavior… a set of actions … so you definitely want to delve into WHY you do gross things and even why you define them as gross (not knowing what they are)…

    “6) I do gross things (too embarrassed to write them!) and I am gross (again, just too embarrassed to write down some of the specifics).”

    I am gross is definitely a belief to work with and, suppose you don’t find yourself as being gross, then, again, it’s less likely you would see yourself or actually participate in doing gross things.
    **********************
    On your partner leaving …

    Don’t address the belief that your partner will leave … sometimes partners do that and sometimes their exit is beyond our control.

    Address the FEAR of your partner leaving.
    Now, this may expose, some you have identified, why you believe your partner will leave… jot them down and begin working on them in terms of how you see yourself… how you define yourself.

    On PSTEC Tools and Processes…

    1.
    Address the emotions … use the Click Tracks.
    When you do this, it becomes easier to shift beliefs and also to just “see” the aspects of the mind model that is causing you the issues you wish to address.
    In other words, when the emotions are more tame, clarity follows.

    2.
    When you have negative beliefs, follow Tim’s directions and phrase them in the past tense and address them with the Belief Blasters.
    Then, follow up with appropriately phrases PSTEC Positive suggestions.

    Break down the beliefs that come up into the ones that define you.
    These will generally be shorter in length and many time start with “I am …”

    Then, address them as mentioned above.

    Aloha!
    Jeff

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