Reply To: My ultimate fear: rejection
I've been CTing almost every day now and I think I may have found the root of my anxieties involving my romantic relationships.
Ultimately, it's not about being rejected or abandoned, really, but about the fear of romantic failure. Rejection and abandonment are aspects of romantic failure but I realized that I also fear being stuck in a relationship that will flounder and be devoid of loving interactions and joy… Exactly like my parents' relationship. They're still married but they've both vocalized to me that they do not like each other at all.
I asked my sub if this felt correct:
“Because my parents have a terrible relationship, I will fail at my relationships.”
And this one felt most definitely wrong. However, when I worded it this way:
“Because my parents have a terrible relationship, I will have trouble with my own relationships.”
I got a really enthusiastic: “YES YES YES!!”
As far back as I can remember, my parents never really had a good relationship. Even before the incident with Michael that I talked about, even before any other relationships I ever had with other people outside my family, from the time I was born, my parents did not have a positive relationship. If you can believe it, it's worse now than it was back then!
Now…. The statement I made up above (“Because my parents have a terrible relationship, I will have trouble with my own relationships.”) strikes me as a belief and I shouldn't use the CT on a belief. I know if there is super emotional charge around a belief, it needs to be CTed on… Oddly enough, realizing my sub has responded saying, “Yes, I have this belief! That statement resonates with me deeply!” makes me feel oddly relieved and almost PLEASED with myself at the moment! o_O
I have actually CTed on the worst fight I can remember my parents having from my childhood. That was a couple of weeks ago I believe and when I try to bring that memory back up, it feels very vague and I don't really feel anything about it. Oddly, I feel sort of at “peace” with it, I guess? The same sort of peace I feel with the memory of Micheal. There's a part of me that feels like I shouldn't feel at peace, as if the bad experiences I have should always be viewed negatively. Another limiting belief? I feel like that one is shifting by itself when I use PSTEC Click Tracks.
I want to craft some PSTEC Positive statements for the belief about my relationships and even this belief of “bad experiences should always make you feel bad” but I'm having a lot of trouble with it. Any suggestions?