My ultimate fear: rejection

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  • #22833
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi Rhossie…

    Peter's suggestion of the Accelerator is always a good one.

    Also, ask yourself a couple questions and see what comes up for you…

    • Who are you feeling hurt from?  The girl that took your place or Michael… or someone else… what about the teacher?
    • What part of the memory is most intense… her taking your place or Michael not acknowledging you or something else?
    • Do you feel any anger that you are not willing to acknowledge?
    • Are there any other memories or “scenes” that come to mind that conjure some of the same thoughts and feelings… before or after that?
    • [/list]The memory with Michael and the girl may have more than one component of the memory that you might try CT'ing separately.  Also, as you have seen, there may be multiple emotions and you might have to CT them separately as well.
      With such a pivotal memory, you may have to sort it into pieces first … you know, divide and conquer kind of thing.  ;D
      Also, look for other memories that are “supporting” that one as well.  Sometimes you have to deconstruct more than one memory.

      Give that a try.
      If you feel completely stuck on it and cannot go further, you may just need someone to help guide you on this memory/issue and it would be well worth the investment … an investment in you.  :) Check the PSTEC Registry if you need that type of help.
      Aloha!
      Jeff

    #22834
    AvatarRhossie
    PSTEC User

    Hi Rhossie…

    Peter's suggestion of the Accelerator is always a good one.

    Also, ask yourself a couple questions and see what comes up for you…

    • Who are you feeling hurt from?  The girl that took your place or Michael… or someone else… what about the teacher?
    • What part of the memory is most intense… her taking your place or Michael not acknowledging you or something else?
    • Do you feel any anger that you are not willing to acknowledge?
    • Are there any other memories or “scenes” that come to mind that conjure some of the same thoughts and feelings… before or after that?
    • [/list]The memory with Michael and the girl may have more than one component of the memory that you might try CT'ing separately.  Also, as you have seen, there may be multiple emotions and you might have to CT them separately as well.
      With such a pivotal memory, you may have to sort it into pieces first … you know, divide and conquer kind of thing.  ;D
      Also, look for other memories that are “supporting” that one as well.  Sometimes you have to deconstruct more than one memory.

      Give that a try.
      If you feel completely stuck on it and cannot go further, you may just need someone to help guide you on this memory/issue and it would be well worth the investment … an investment in you.  :) Check the PSTEC Registry if you need that type of help.
      Aloha!
      Jeff

    Hello Jeff, thank you for replying!

    I do use the Accelerator and I find the relaxation tracks very helpful. I usually use them before I go to sleep.

    Lets see… I was able to tap down most of that memory and the aspects/feelings of that memory down to 2s, 1s, and 0s. I think the most hurt came from Michael and the fact he didn't seem to react how I wanted him to in that situation.

    I didn't think there was any anger with this memory but suddenly I got a thought/feeling in my head of feeling guilty for having anger. And I suddenly felt relief acknowledging that I felt guilty for having anger! I feel angry at especially the girl who took my place. It's strange, since I can't even remember her name at all.

    I'll definitely sit down and CT on that anger. It's not as intense as the sadness and fear but I'd still rate it at least a 7.

    I would love to use the PSTEC Registry for a little extra help but there isn't anyone in my area who uses PSTEC. I'm in the EST and I also work at night so that makes a bit more complicated. I'll keep that in mind though. Thank you for your guidance, both of you.  :)

    #22835
    AvatarRhossie
    PSTEC User

    I just wanted to drop another update… I CTed on that bit of anger I talked about. When I sat down to CT on it, I actually felt it rise to about a 9. Afterwards, and still now, the memory is MUCH lighter, I feel like a heavy weight was lifted from my shoulders!

    I decided to sleep on it to see if it was really gone. I woke up this morning and thought about that memory of Michael, the girl, the teacher… And it still felt light. No heavy feelings although I do have to admit, I feel a small worry that maybe those heavy feelings will come back if I think about this memory again. I plan on coming back to it in a few weeks. I've decided to keep a log on my laptop on memories I've CTed on and how I feel about them, this thread is helping me to sort out things too. It's nice to share my story and hoping it'll help other people out.

    I was able to write in my notepad a list of memories that I feel are connected with my current issues having to do with some bullying, feeling left out of my social groups as a child, and issues with family members too. I think I might have to go back and CT on some other memories I posted about in the thread, relating to my dad/mom, because Jeff's comment about anger that's not being acknowledged hit a chord in me. I do find that I suppress anger because of a fear of being seen as a bad person for being angry… Even if that anger is justified!

    #22836
    AvatarRhossie
    PSTEC User

    Another update.

    I've been clearing out lots of things using the Click Tracks and… I keep feeling lighter. It's really nice! I feel like I'm inching closer to the person I want to be, who I always was but was being bogged down by lots of “junky stuff”.

    I do feel a little resistant sometimes… For example, I went back to a memory of my dad I posted about earlier in the thread… He yelled at me when I dropped a drink I had in my hand because I felt like I needed to examine it a little closer. I realized there were a few things that still bothered me about the memory… That memory was the first time I felt like that my dad was a hateful person, that he hated ME. I'd cleared sadness and fear from the memory but I then realized that there was this feeling of great disappointment, not at myself for dropping the drink, but at my DAD for treating me so poorly.

    I definitely felt a resistance about sitting down with it again. When I feel resistant, I kinda get this tension and tingle in my lower back, almost like a revulsion, and I did kinda have to be like, “Okay I NEED to sit down and do this.”

    After Click Tracking on it, I feel much much lighter. I feel like this memory is cleared too and I'm glad I decided to come back to it.

    I guess it might look like some of these memories or thoughts might not really connect with what my original post was about, romantic relationship problems and rejection. I'm realizing that many of our experiences feed into how we interact with people in our lives, no matter what the nature of our relationships might be. I remember Tim and Jeff commenting, I think it was on the Click Tracks Made Simple audio, that even if something doesn't seem relevant to whatever issues are at hand, your subconscious is bringing it up for a reason and you should trust in what it's showing you.

    I feel much more at ease at using the PSTEC Postive tracks and I feel like my mind would be much more open about receiving positive suggestions.

    #22837
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Mahalo (thanks) for the updates, Rhossie … also, mahalo nui (thank you much) for visiting that anger, having the courage to go there along with any other baggage and release it once and for all … and … last, but not least, mahalo nui loa (thank you very much) for noticing your lightness (that's your True Self) and sharing that as well because letting go of the heavy baggage is not what this is all about, but letting go so that you can feel that Lightness and begin top realize your birthright to a Life of Joy and Peace… now, that's worthy … as are You!!!

    Ah, Maika'i (excellent) at simply “stepping” past the resistance and doing what Truth dictates… that is Unconditional Forgiveness not only of your father but yourself.

    And… Yes, Yes!  It's ALL related!  Anything that brings non-JEEP is always related to things that are non-JEEP.  In other words, when you tune into the feeling, quite often, the sub will present what contributes to that feeling and that issue and the source of those may be logically unrelated, but related literally to the sub.  So, another mahalo nui loa for listening to your sub, taking that info and doing what you need to do to let go of the non-JEEP and, therefore, allow the JEEP into your Life!

    Keep clickin' and see what happens … as Tim has said, you will surprise yourself!

    Aloha nui loa!

    Jeff

    #22838
    AvatarRhossie
    PSTEC User

    I've been CTing almost every day now and I think I may have found the root of my anxieties involving my romantic relationships.

    Ultimately, it's not about being rejected or abandoned, really, but about the fear of romantic failure. Rejection and abandonment are aspects of romantic failure but I realized that I also fear being stuck in a relationship that will flounder and be devoid of loving interactions and joy… Exactly like my parents' relationship. They're still married but they've both vocalized to me that they do not like each other at all.

    I asked my sub if this felt correct:

    “Because my parents have a terrible relationship, I will fail at my relationships.”

    And this one felt most definitely wrong. However, when I worded it this way:

    “Because my parents have a terrible relationship, I will have trouble with my own relationships.”

    I got a really enthusiastic: “YES YES YES!!”

    As far back as I can remember, my parents never really had a good relationship. Even before the incident with Michael that I talked about, even before any other relationships I ever had with other people outside my family, from the time I was born, my parents did not have a positive relationship. If you can believe it, it's worse now than it was back then!

    Now…. The statement I made up above (“Because my parents have a terrible relationship, I will have trouble with my own relationships.”) strikes me as a belief and I shouldn't use the CT on a belief. I know if there is super emotional charge around a belief, it needs to be CTed on… Oddly enough, realizing my sub has responded saying, “Yes, I have this belief! That statement resonates with me deeply!” makes me feel oddly relieved and almost PLEASED with myself at the moment! o_O

    I have actually CTed on the worst fight I can remember my parents having from my childhood. That was a couple of weeks ago I believe and when I try to bring that memory back up, it feels very vague and I don't really feel anything about it. Oddly, I feel sort of at “peace” with it, I guess? The same sort of peace I feel with the memory of Micheal. There's a part of me that feels like I shouldn't feel at peace, as if the bad experiences I have should always be viewed negatively. Another limiting belief?  I feel like that one is shifting by itself when I use PSTEC Click Tracks.

    I want to craft some PSTEC Positive statements for the belief about my relationships and even this belief of “bad experiences should always make you feel bad” but I'm having a lot of trouble with it. Any suggestions?

    #22839
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Hi Rhossie

    Because my parents have a terrible relationship, I will have trouble with my own relationships

    If you create a positive statement the opposite to above for example ” I can have caring loving relationships” does this feel believable to you? If not then there might be still too much resistance for the new positive to work.

    You wrote the word fear twice in this paragraph.

    Ultimately, it's not about being rejected or abandoned, really, but about the fear of romantic failure. Rejection and abandonment are aspects of romantic failure but I realized that I also fear being stuck in a relationship that will flounder and be devoid of loving interactions and joy… Exactly like my parents' relationship. They're still married but they've both vocalized to me that they do not like each other at all

    This sounds to me like something to Click on. Even though you have been at this a while and you really want to move on with something positive, the fastest way forwards might still be to clear these negative fears first.
    Regards
    Peter

    #22840
    AvatarRhossie
    PSTEC User

    If you create a positive statement the opposite to above for example ” I can have caring loving relationships” does this feel believable to you? If not then there might be still too much resistance for the new positive to work.

    Rating how true that statement is… I'd say it was a 7, which is much better than I would have rated this a month ago. :)  However, I still feel like this statement would take a much better hold if I clicked on a few more issues.

    You wrote the word fear twice in this paragraph.

    Ultimately, it's not about being rejected or abandoned, really, but about the fear of romantic failure. Rejection and abandonment are aspects of romantic failure but I realized that I also fear being stuck in a relationship that will flounder and be devoid of loving interactions and joy… Exactly like my parents' relationship. They're still married but they've both vocalized to me that they do not like each other at all

    This sounds to me like something to Click on. Even though you have been at this a while and you really want to move on with something positive, the fastest way forwards might still be to clear these negative fears first.
    Regards
    Peter

    Yes, I feel like if these fears are still around even if they aren't as intense as before. I still have a lot of things to Click on to be honest. I'm finding I have a lot of issues related to my family. Lately I was trying to think about issues that I had in school or between friends, but I end up coming back to early memories of my family instead.

    #22841
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Rhossie
    Seems like you are moving in the right direction, so keep going. Some people get such quick results with PSTEC that it seems unfair that others have to keep on working away at it. However we are not all the same and so everyone experiences the use of Click Tracks differently. As long as it is working if only slowly bit at time then just keep plugging away, and you will get there. If you are feeling overwhelmed and not sure what to Click on, then relax with one of the relaxational accelerators, take a break from Clicking and let answers come to you.
    Regards
    Peter

    #22842
    AvatarRhossie
    PSTEC User

    I'm starting to get a bit overwhelmed again. The past several days have been tough. There are people in my life who are trying to help me out. They feel like I'm being manipulated by the guy I'm currently with, that he's playing mind games with me because he also has a low sense of self-worth. And they also think I need to pursue conventional therapy. I know they care about me and want me to be happy, but I feel like they've made my mindset WORSE instead of better.

    They kept asking me if I think I deserved to not have a good relationship and they also believe that the guy I'm with sees me as not being worthy, and again, that belief I talked about previously came up. And the negative self-talk came up very VERY strongly, in a way that it hasn't in a long time. A lot of with, “I hate myself, my parents did not treat me well so they must hate me too, I've been treated badly by former friends and lovers so I should hate myself.”

    I'm feeling frustrated that there's still so much garbage sitting in my way. I feel like PSTEC works and I'm kind of sad my friends seem to think that I haven't made any progress. I think maybe to someone on the outside, since I still do have a very low sense of self worth, that it looks like I haven't made any progress.

    I feel like I'm spinning on my wheels though. The self-hatred is very very intense, and I know it's always been there on some level. I'm trying to find memories that feed into the self-hatred, the worst ones. There seems to be several. Not measuring up to my dad's standards, some nasty experiences with teachers in school, physical abuse from my sibling, bullying from other kids even.

    It just sucks that I seem to have such a long road ahead. I have a feeling my relationship with the guy I'm with is going to fall apart because of my own issues. And my friends who have been trying to be helpful ended up triggering some serious destructive self-talk instead of making me feel empowered.

    I guess I should thank them for giving me something to Click Track on at least. I'm really not liking how I'm feeling right now however.

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