My ultimate fear: rejection

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  • #21460
    AvatarRhossie
    PSTEC User

    I've only recently discovered PSTEC and I wanted to share my experience I had tonight.

    Here's some background… I'm in a long distance relationship with a man right now and things seem to have gotten weird. I'm majorly insecure. This has caused him to pull away from me a bit, and in return this has triggered some serious issues in with me. I've begun to get jealous of friends of ours… even friends who AREN'T female. My self-esteem has hit rock bottom and I'm terrified of him leaving me for anyone else.

    My relationship before this one was also not good. My ex-boyfriend lied to me about a lot of things… His family history, his job, his education, who he actually lived with, and even his AGE and I found out all this via Facebook. He was also cheating on me.

    I care about my current guy so much, however these past several weeks I've felt it's more painful to be with him than it is to NOT be with him. This is not how I want this to be, this is not who I feel I really am. And I know it's impossible to have a loving relationship with anyone else when we keep acting out of fear.

    I know I can't force him to be closer to me again, but I know I can at least work on myself. I was using EFT and having pretty decent success with it. I got an email about PSTEC and was very interested in it. I did a CT session tonight using the free CTs on the website. I used it while thinking about the stress and pain in my relationship with my ex-boyfriend since I felt like it was still influencing my current relationship… However, the results where unexpected!

    I felt at first that the CT session didn't really improve the stress I felt around the relationship. My number went from a 9 to about a 6, but then I asked myself a question, “How far does this fear of rejection actually go back?”

    I got an answer. I got memories that I hadn't thought about in YEARS, going as far back as even kindergarten, of times where I felt rejected by adults, teachers, and my classmates. These may not have been romantic relationships but I can't help feeling they are definitely influencing me in negative ways that have cascaded into ALL of my relationships with other people. I actually was able to recall a memory of a boy who I liked and was very close with in kindergarten, and an incident between the two of us that made me feel rejected. Again, it was something I hadn't thought about in years, something I would not have thought would even be relevant to my current mental status or relationships.

    Is this normal when using CTs? I can't help feeling that I should shift my focus from my current relationship, and even the relationship with my ex-boyfriend, and start doing CT sessions on some of these older memories instead.

    #22814
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Hi Rhossie
    Thanks for sharing
    You have discovered that behind the problem is often the real problem which undermines your present. Yes click track the older issues, but start with a less stressful memory if you can, take it easy on yourself. You do not need to beat yourself up any more, but comes to terms with the situation, bit by bit. When after CTing and the fears begin to melt away, then look again at your current situation.
    Hope this helps.
    Peter

    #22815
    AvatarRhossie
    PSTEC User

    Thank you for your kind reply Peter. I'm actually feeling pretty excited that PSTEC is helping me bring these memories back up so I can CT them! It's a strange mixture of excitement but also fear of bringing up these old memories that are filled with sadness. I've downloaded PSTEC Click Tracks Made Simple and decided to take the plunge and buy the PSTEC Level 1 Audio Package too. I'm glad to see your advice and listen to these, because it makes me realize it's very important to not rush in too much, to treat myself with compassion and kindness. I'm glad there is a support forum and that these audio guides have been provided too.

    #22816
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Rhossie
    If you go with the Level 1 then try using the EEFs in that package before working with the positive.
    Also if you have the Level 1 you might also find the Accelerator package useful.
    Keep us informed of your progress.
    If you get stuck or overwhelmed, we will be here to help.
    Peter

    #22817
    AvatarRhossie
    PSTEC User

    Oh yes, I've been clearing out things before working with the positive. I know in some of the interviews and tutorial audios that if you don't clear out the negative stuff first, it'll be much more difficult to get the positive feelings to stick.

    I was feeling pretty overwhelmed these past couple of days. I've been tapping on a few issues, some larger than others some smaller than others, and I'm having trouble dropping my SUDs level on feelings down below a 3.

    And although I haven't been able to drop some of my SUDs levels below a 3, I still feel much happier right now than I did a couple of days ago.

    I do feel like I'm having a bit of resistance about this process. I'm finding that my subconcious mind model seems to be a model of primarily fear. I was keeping a text file on my laptop of old memories and more recent experiences that I felt like I should CT on, and a lot of the memories had fear as being the most intense emotion associated with them. I believe I can trace that back to the experiences I had with my family, there was TONS of arguing between my parents as a child that would sometimes get violent, so my home wasn't a place of comfort but a very scary place to be.

    I'm sure as I do some more CT sessions and take my time, I'll be able to get my SUDs levels below a 3. Even getting them that low is great though. :)

    #22818
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Sounds like things are going in the right direction for you, so keep going. It is possible that some of the resistance you mention is fear of the change process itself. A self-protection thing, “fear of the unknown”, “moving into uncharted waters”. Something else to Click On!

    #22819
    AvatarRhossie
    PSTEC User

    Yes, I definitely feel like things are moving in a good direction for me right now. I've been clicking on lots of issues these past few days, and some issues with my boyfriend that I was having. I had a fear of him leaving me and I was able to click it down to a 2! However, I still had a lot of stress and uneasiness. I was feeling stressed when I couldn't see him, when I didn't know where he was or what he was doing. I was able to get that down to a 3.

    It's odd, I thought that if I clicked on the issue of him leaving me, it would clear up these other problems but it didn't. It's fascinating that I can not really feel fearful about thinking of him leaving me, and yet still feel frightened if he's not around or feel frightened that he doesn't want to spend time with me.

    I actually got to an issue I have of feeling unworthy in general but I couldn't put my finger on why. So I asked myself, “What does this remind me of?”

    And I realized this unworthy feeling was connected to my dad. My dad is not a loving or kind person. He's very mean spirited and he's very verbally abusive. When I thought about that feeling of being unworthy of love or care a memory came up of when I was about 10 years old, I came home from a Dairy Queen with one of those Misty Slush drinks and as I came into the door of our house, the drink slipped out of my hand… And my dad completely freaked out and berated me, calling me names, and I remember running out of the house crying down the street.

    I went from a 10, and crying pretty hard at the beginning of the click track, to feeling between a 2 or a 3. I'm so glad the click tracks are working. I've been feeling so tired lately because of all these negative feelings and thoughts in my head and I feel like I'll get some relief soon using this technique.

    I was hoping to maybe start working with a PSTEC therapist in my area but it looks like there's none in my state.

    #22820
    AvatarRhossie
    PSTEC User

    I figured I'd make another post about something I CTed tonight. I was feeling fear of being emotionally intimate with my current boyfriend and I searched around to find an incident that was highly charged that would be connected to my fear of sharing my feelings with him.

    The most powerfully charged incident was with my previous ex-boyfriend. Specifically there was an incident when I was doing laundry in my apartment building, someone had used up all the washers and dryers. I was pretty frustrated about it since the laundry room is shared and we all need to be considerate of others in the building. I came back upstairs and he asked me what was wrong, so I told him… And suddenly he was arguing with me, saying that they must have children so they should be given priority over everyone else. He also said I was being overly emotional. My work schedule gives me limited time to do things like laundry so I was frustrated and I felt like he was willing to take a stranger's side over mine. I felt like he would not support me in larger issues and no longer felt comfortable sharing anything that might be taken as “whining”, and I felt fearful. I know this incident wasn't the first time I began to feel like he would take a strangers side over mine. Actually I think it may have been the third or the fourth time, but I felt like this one had the most powerful emotional associated with it.

    I CTed at the memory and the fear and it went down to a 1. I feel much more calm now too.

    #22821
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Wow Rhossie sounds like you really are getting into PSTEC!
    In the world of EFT they say “Tap on Everything” by which they mean every fear, bad feeling and self-limiting belief. Well I say “Click on everything!”
    If you cannot find a therapist in your state, then PSTEC sessions can be “over the phone” or even Skype. You would still probably need to find a therapist in the same or a nearby time zone.

    #22822
    AvatarRhossie
    PSTEC User

    Wow Rhossie sounds like you really are getting into PSTEC!
    In the world of EFT they say “Tap on Everything” by which they mean every fear, bad feeling and self-limiting belief. Well I say “Click on everything!”
    If you cannot find a therapist in your state, then PSTEC sessions can be “over the phone” or even Skype. You would still probably need to find a therapist in the same or a nearby time zone.

    I'm finding PSTEC to be much more helpful than the “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy” I had used in the past. I want to try to click on as much as I can. I find I can get relief from a lot of my stress when I make time to click. :)

    I just discovered a new issue in fact. I thought that many of my problems where related to my low sense of self-worth/low self-esteem… But I've realized that that these things have a large connection to the fact I have extreme trust issues. Much more extreme than I thought. I've realized that I have almost 0 trust in the people, especially the people who I'm closest to. I realized that somehow along the way I not only lost trust in myself but I also lost trust in nearly everyone around me too. It's no wonder I've been feeling so stressed and sad! There's no support system from within or outside of myself and I'm much too afraid to ask for help from my friends.

    My boyfriend actually has no idea about any of these issues because I'm far too afraid to tell him. I just keep thinking, “He's got his own problems and I don't want him to be burdened by me.”

    But… You can't have a loving relationship without trust, without feeling like you can support each other in hard times.

    CTing is something I look forward to now. I actually picked up the Accelerators too. I've been using the relaxation ones before bed and I actually found they help me sleep better. Lately I have hardly even been able to sleep because I'm just stressed constantly. The relaxation track helps to calm me down so I can get at least a couple of hours of rest, and of course, it's going to help speed up my other PSTEC work. :) When I used the Relaxation Accelerator, I was actually able to get a feeling of being light and calm, even if only briefly. I have hope I can stay in that state of being calm, light, and relaxed eventually.

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