Reply To: Tangled web, where to start?
Thanks for details.
This looks like it might be the cause of the problem.
A really big question… can you recall these incidents without triggering any symptoms?
If yes then recall some and CT the associated fear/s.
If not then the more indirect approach will be required.
Every time your symptoms are triggered it re-enforces that behaviour response pattern and so more likely to happen again. So we do not want that to happen.
One of the responses to fear induced “fight or flight” is to freeze, if you have ever seen a startled cat you would have seen the wide eyes, the rigid arched back, the fur sticking out, before it disappeared rapidly into hiding. People are not so very different.
When your Father forced you look at him did he hold you under the chin and turn your face to his?
Can you look back and feel sorry for your Father and forgive him?
He was responding to social pressures and in order to build up his own self-esteem he over responded by “bullying” someone weaker than himself. (Fuelled by alcohol). Unfortunately this was you. Wife beating is a similar thing.
Unfair as it may be in your circumstances, to forgive is part of the healing process.
So if there is any anger towards him then this is another area to look at.
Because your own self-esteem took such a knock with these incidents with your Dad your subconscious might have found ways to build it up again using money. Forgive me if I am wrong and please tell me if I am but… Diamonds are a big ticket social status item as well as a security boosting re-saleable portable asset. They symbolize wealth and power something that might be a real magnet to you given your history hence the emergence of your symptoms in times of financial restraint.