Reply To: Tangled web, where to start?
HI DG, glad to hear things are starting to go in a positive direction again
As Peter says there are information gaps, we have only what you posted to go on. When you look for the unknown you invariably end up reaching
On the brightside it's worked, your latest post clarifies a lot and especially helps narrow the scope of the issues. Clearly the abuse from your father is at the core of things. It's kinda like if someone has their heart broken, they'll be afraid to fall in love again in case they have to go through heartbreak again. So now you are afraid to get more in case you have to go through the process of loss again.
There is a smaller secondary issue. When you say “I have too much going for me to not do well in life” you are being a bit hard on yourself. You might have a lot going for you, but you also have PTSD. There's also a possibility that because you were financially abused and deprived, your mind model overcompensates and artificially increases your desire to succeed. Everyone for example has basic survival issues, yours may be aggravated by the abuse.
There's a big contradiction between staying safe and having less, and fulfilling your potential and having more. That contradiction creates tension and could well aggravate your PTSD. I'm not saying change your belief that you should aim to succeed. But you can lessen the emotional charge. If you click away your fear of jumping off a cliff for example, you won't then jump off a cliff because you know it's bad for you even if you don't feel anything. Same thing, if you click away your fear of achieving or your disappointment of not fulfilling your potential, doesn't mean you'll aim to achieve less because you still know achieving is a good thing.
Be kinder to youself. If you go to an acting class it won't directly get you plenty, but it is still part of living your potential. Same thing with the clicking and battle against PTSD, it won't directly get you plenty but it is still part of living your potential.
In terms of strategy, here's some basic ideas off the top of my head, Peter and others are better to ask for more advanced ideas
With your father click on the earliest negative memory and neutralise the charge. Then once that is done click again but this time try as hard as possible to focus on the memory. If it's an image/video really zoom in and try to see every aspect in detail and listen to the voice in detail. The track will scramble the memory so it will further lose it's power.
Also, and maybe this is obvious, but click on your dad yelling you. Not that he's yelling at you about money, but just that he's yelling at you. Really focus in on that moment when he's yelling at you and it's distressing you the most.
And of course imagined events. Think of losing everything at some point in the future and click that away. Maybe even bring your father into it, where he comes right in your face and yells at you worse than ever and takes EVERYTHING from you.