Reply To: Fear of confrontation – Help needed – My Journey with PSTEC
Brian TuckerHi plus1g,
With beliefs like you've identified such as “I'm a procrastionator”, you've taken a set of behaviours and added it to your character. You've made it part of your identity, in other words. You've given a name to a set of behaviours. You've defined a part of YOU based on some feelings and behaviours.
In many ways, most beliefs are “limiting” (they are just broad generalisations about people, ourselves and life). However, with something like “I'm a procrastinator”, you're not giving yourself any slack. To start to “loosen the grip” of a belief like this, you might consider which things you put off.
Your obvious dedication to improving your life and the routine you've developed with PSTEC, as well as your very inspiring updates, would suggest you are anything BUT a procrastinator.
However, I do appreciate that procrastination forms part of your self-concept. So, working on the literal emotions you feel before putting off certain activities might be highly useful. If you no longer feel inclined to put off certain tasks and just do them, it is probable that “I'm a procrastinator” would go away on its own. It's one of those “chicken or egg” scenarios, but that's my hypothesis. You can test it that way.
I can see both sides of the “perfect” argument. In reality, perfection (but then does “good enough”?) doesn't exist, but I believe it's how we “hold” the word. What meaning do we give to “perfect”? Is it a pursuit of the impossible? Or is it just wanting to be the best conceivable version of us?
For me, “perfect” can be used colloquially and I hold it as “as good as it could possibly be.” My “perfect” day would probably be entirely different to yours or Peter's, but we'd know what each of us mean. Like all of these words and phrases, they all mean different things to different people.
The use of negatives will depend on the context. The absolute opposite of “there's something wrong with me” is “there's not something wrong with me”, but I would suggest the sub would struggle with that. It is quite a clumsy phrase. I would have no issues with “there's nothing wrong with me” (a compliment that was given to people where I was from!), but it is vital that you get the words that pack the most meaning and impact for you.
Ultimately, this is all about how we want (or don't want) to feel and behave. It can be quite time-consuming, but I have found that considering what emotional and behavioural impact eliminating certain beliefs and conditionings, whilst taking on others, would have on my experience of life. I think this is definitely worth bearing in mind.
Paul – Priceless post! Thank you guys for all of your guidance. Today I am feeling GREAT because of all of this.