Reply To: Fear of confrontation – Help needed – My Journey with PSTEC
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Alright so a week later so many big chunks have come off.
I had a fear of intimacy – a feeling of pulling away when my spouse or kids want to hug me or get close to me – hey and as I was doing it here comes all sorts of feelings form past relationships – this is now all gone.
I had a block, sort of like procrastination to get some things done. I started working on that and out of nowhere what comes up, distinct feelings from every job change and every chaotic living arrangement I experienced between 18 and 30 years old. It felt like a tugged on a strong and the whole sweater came unraveled!
I had about 10 different forms of anger, resentment etc all gone. – I started with original thoughts and they all at some point turned into old feelings from my stepmother with one of them turning into a big rejection and argument with a friend about 15 years ago. As soon as they cleared I was stricken with fear and anxiety, I just kept clicktracking away on that until it was all gone. I suspect this has all been revealed as a result of getting clear and listening to no more anger now for 5 weeks, not sure but it's all gone.
I had some major rejection and abandonment “pain” from all old brakeups, a few specific ones – all of that is now gone
I had fear running all through my stomach that was difficult to pinpoint. I would just work away on it spot by spot a little bit every day and I would say most of it is gone, a few little blips here and there but I will take care of it as it pops up.
I am at the point now where I am no longer removing anything to reactively stop pain. Instead, I am just going through life and removing things as they are revealed to me because I feel awesome and I know that with every one I remove I feel that much better!
I will also say it's taking me less time to remove even the big stuff now. after I get really into a session for an hour or so, some feelings come up and they will melt away in a matter of seconds. Seems like my sub is finally at the point where it's really soft and accepting of change.
More to come.