Reply To: Fear of confrontation – Help needed – My Journey with PSTEC
Brian TuckerFor decades I sometimes have strong feelings of “overwhelm” that can bring king kong to his knees. I noticed this occurs when there is some sort of inner conflict going on in me where self wants to do the right thing, my childhood environment programs tell me to be passive, powerless or helpless and ego is clobbering me for thinking and feeling this way. Then I stay stuck or frozen and/or then I give up and feel defeated. Then ego beats me up for that. It is a huge inner conflict of passivity that causes and excruciating amount of pain. Yesterday I removed the feelings of inner conflict, passivity and helplessness. All went back to childhood and feeling trapped in all sorts of ways. All of the thoughts and feelings of inner struggle and overwhelm are completely gone today as if they never happened or existed.
I also had a very strong “pain” at the base of my neck for many months that would come and go. It was very strong and debilitating. Explored this and it led to unlocking 30 years of hangover pain and during the 45 minutes of clearing, twice I had to stop because I felt I might be sick. None of it was real, just stored memories and feelings in the subconscious of all those years of creating more pain to cover up pain. How painful and draining to carry that around day in and out. I also used to get exhausted at certain times during the day and as a result that is gone now.
Last week I was at a party and noticed an awkward feeling, then a few days later when meeting some people had some similar feelings and began to lose interest in the conversation and felt myself wanting to leave. This has been a normal pattern for me all my life. Some call it ADHD. Um, no. Again explored these two feelings and unlocked all of the negative memories and emotions from four years of high school and watched them fade into oblivion.
My subconscious the led me to realizing that all of my social interactions are just a replay of the experiences, behaviors and conditioning from high school which were repeated in college and then adulthood. I further saw on a massive scale how I was behaving in my work environment not only as a “rebel” from my childhood home environment but also as I used to be in high school both socially and in the classroom. Insecure aka will I fail this class (silly, I never failed a class), disrupting and irritation to the class and teacher, didn't feel accepted, always clowning with people. Not that it was to that extreme in the present (to the mirrors it may have been) but the behaviors and subconscious messages and energy were clearly there and transmitting to attract and shape my reality.
This is all so obvious and right in front of my face the whole time and each time I was just shaking my head laughing at all of it. All gone now.
So grateful to see and be free of this.
Thank you.