Reply To: Fear of confrontation – Help needed – My Journey with PSTEC
Brian TuckerIt's been about a month since my last post. I have been heavily focused on feelings of passivity and powerlessness. I have them almost all gone now and it is amazing how much more free I have become in just a few weeks. It seems as if I have progressed more in the last 8 weeks than I have in the last 8 months total, which is how fast things are just falling away. I have realized at a high level just how widespread these programs are in every area of my life, how blind I was to them and now see how I create situations that keep me passive and powerless. I also continue to see using the why technique how they are all tied to the most random things that make no logical “conscious” sense and many of them I forgot about or possibly even suppressed. I would strongly suggest anyone who has any feelings of passivity, passive aggressiveness and powerlessness to clear those immediately.
On the “why technique” a method that has revealed my largest patterns
Step 1 – Tapping accelerator – ask why
Step 2 – 2015 wrapper track – continue scanning everything so far and ask why as more comes up, wrap it all up
Step 3 – 2015 long track – continue asking why throughout every one in a while
If issue still exists run another tapping accelerator and another 2015 long.
I realized that all of my powerlessness mostly comes from watching my mother who was passive and my father who was also very passive to my stepmother and how all of those story lines have shaped my current reality. At one point I was transported to a specific event with my mother, father and stepmother involved I was about 7 years old I had completely forgot this (suppressed) and even had to call my mom to jog her memory and she did remember it. 
After I removed all of this I felt profoundly different about a day later.
I also have a consistent pattern at work of attracting situations or powerlessness when I travel hard to explain but the feelings are all related to my high school days. My father was a principal at a high school and my stepmother did not want me to be at home so I had to go with my father to school every day 40 miles away, hang out there and watch TV while he worked 7 hours a day. You can see where this would create extreme powerlessness having no one I know around me to hang out with, no choice in the matter, no money to spend, no car to get around, feeling trapped and acting the victim as if I was robbed of my freedom and summers as a kid, not wanted at home, I am bad, an irritation, rejected etc.
Some other things that I have removed using “why technique” These are a great example of what a person's subconscious will collect and use to try and “protect” you but just what you saw.
“The wall” aka you feel like you have a wall up, a barrier, and guard up, defensive in life. This went back to a few painful intimate relationships though what really made “the wall” reinforced more than anything else was a roommate that lived me for three months in college. I had completely forgot about this (maybe it was suppressed) and once it popped in using the technique all of those feelings came back. A few minutes later the wall was gone from my life.
This led to all sorts of other anger from old roommates and that all cleared out nicely. Things around my house are at an all-time peace and calm, go figure. hehe
I had this funky belief that I can't put into words in fact many of these are at the point where they aren't a “belief” per se it is more of what I saw (the instructions) and energy behind it. I would even say to my wife and kids ” the only things in the house that belong to me are the clothes in my closet, my electronics and my car the rest belongs to you guys” well this went back to the instructions and energy of being in a divorce family and visiting my father's house every other weekend all I had was a set of clothes for Saturday, church clothes for Sunday and my tv and boombox. Again look how this storyline using the technique revealed across my entire life a theme of “I am temporary, I have only enough to get by, I am an irritation, I am not wanted etc.” I would not say those are the belief statements but the best I can put what I saw into words. Yet again this was making me behave all sorts of wacky ways.
I got back to my very first bout with depression that was job related. This caused me to lose a job when I was about 20 and now I see how this same pattern of events has affected my entire work career and burdened me with battling productivity. Not that this is gone all of those feelings and symptoms at work are GONE.
I also recalled another big storyline. When my parents divorced I had to live in two separate homes in two separate towns alternating weekends. This caused me to basically live two different lives for about 5 years. Friends, family, home, rules, clothes, church you name it and it was all awkward. The good that came out of it is that I am able to adapt to nearly any situation of ambiguity though there is a massive about of normal “feelings” that ran in me 24×7 that when cleared was yet again a profound change starting about two hours later. Once I removed this (took about 4 hours) I had the largest tipping point “collapse” over a 36 hour period I have ever had. Hundreds of events and feelings would come into my reality at full throttle and then fade into oblivion. Things I never even thought of or remembered, never clicktracked, and so many things I think and feel every day all like they never happened now. This has taken me so far out there I feel as if I am completely out of day to day pain now. Overall I feel like a feather floating in the air.
I am sure this has helped but I have also listened to no more anxiety for 67 days now. More and more dread came up and I just kept working on it. One day I needed to go out of town and the dread came in so hard like never ever before I cleared it and the why technique showed me how much anxiety I have with traveling and leaving my house for any reason, I suspect this might be categorized as agoraphobia but I could never see it as it was normal to me. This and so many social phobias I can’t even put names on them, just a past experience being replayed in the present for no reason.
More to come. Keep going.