Reply To: Old relationship is still bothering me I need some help

Forums General Discussions and Specific Issues Relationships and Rejection Old relationship is still bothering me I need some help Reply To: Old relationship is still bothering me I need some help

Paul McCabe
PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi Peter,

    I totally agree with what you wrote and I am sorry that my initial post did not make that more clear.

    It would not be the feelings of love being de-linked from individual memories (“the good times” etc.) that I think would resolve the issue. Rather, it would be feeling of possible desire for the person *right now*. It could be that Melissa has not let the relationship go, as it were.

    I agree that having strong love for people is an amazing thing and it would surely make a huge difference in the world if more people would embrace the idea, but unrequited love or unfulfilled desire might be supporting the problem in Melissa's case. That is just a theory, of course.

    To get to the place where she can love her ex-partner and remember the happy times, but not be “in love” or feeling bad about herself would be very liberating, I believe.

    Melissa, you also mentioned “I have not been able let go of the rejection.” I appreciate it has been very difficult for you.

    Two questions:

    1) How do you know *you* were rejected (and not just that your ex-partner had issues that made commitment a problem at that time, for instance)?

    2) What would happen if you *did* let go of the feelings of rejection?

    With question two, your answer *may* suggest that you feel a need to hold onto that or those feelings, as these may be preventing you from experiencing future hurts (i.e. self-protection). For example, “If I get too involved again, I will be rejected.”

    These may help you get more focus on what to CT.


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